For some context...

So I'm heavily involved with a "scene" of sorts made up of bicycle riders & partiers here in Los Angeles, and occasionally there are events / social bike rides that focus on crossdressing- which is pretty awesome if you ask me... It was actually what began the process of me coming out to myself 3 yrs ago!

Now I am mid transition (still presenting as a feminine male in day to day life), but just the other night there was a "drag ride". It was a smallish ride, about 30 or 40 people because it was pretty cold. Usually these rides get anywhere from 200-300 people. This past ride was also the first time I dressed as Jenny after completely coming out to myself which was great... It was my first experience presenting as the real me (I was just trying to pass not put on a show).


What happened...

The ride stopped at a bar called Hamburger Mary's that has a semi regular show lead by a group of drag queens. This one drag queen had those of us that dressed up all get on stage in front of everyone in the bar and judged us, to award the drag queen and drag king awards.

She went through almost everyone, having a few words to say about each of us before making her decision. I was standing right at the front with another FTM trans friend I had just met that night. Anyway when she got to me, she kind of gave off a "pfff" as she looked me up and down, then turned around and announced...

"This is what you call someone who is 'transitioning'. It is when someone takes hormones in order to change gender".

The entire bar filled with probably 70 or 80 people (including my friends) all burst out into laughter. As soon as she said it, the friends who I am out to all immediately looked at me... "No way did she just say that, what?!!". A few people asked me if I was ok, concerned that I might be embarrassed or hurt because the comment could totally be taken negatively with the way she said it.

Well, I took it very well actually. It just made me smile and laugh inside and out. I guess I was just having too much fun being me to really care. I realized that I am actually becoming kind of proud being a transgendered individual. To me, I was happy that I got called out on stage. I know that most of my friends that I am not out to thought it was a joke and laughed at me (maybe some of them believe it because it was obvious I was taking it pretty seriously, most people I haven't seen in a while didn't even recognize me), but soon they will all know the truth anyway!

We hung out at the bar for a long while, I actually forgot how I was dressed... It just felt "right". The drag queen left and I caught her on her way out. I said "You know what, you called me out. You were right." She knew instantly what I was talking about and was kind of shocked, but told me to come back because she wanted to talk with me and help me however possible. Really really positive!

Just wanted to share the happy moment, it's been a great weekend and I've been coming out to groups of people at a time now instead of just the one on one conversations. My confidence in presenting my more feminine nature grows every day and I've finally started to get some really good sleep. I think in about a week or so it will be common knowledge and I'm happy at the thought of not having to hide or feel awkward about expressing my gender the way I see fit

Wow I can't believe she just sort of outed you like that! a bit tactless on her part, glad it was actually a positive experience for you tho 

Wow, that must've been a weird night. 

A somewhat odd situation indeed..

Mind you, as a woman, I'd not have been on the stage to start with - and I did drag in my past. It's part of my past and it can stay there.

In the days leading up, I was totally 50/50 on whether or not I wanted to attend. However at the last minute, I decided to go all in after realizing it was a stellar opportunity to dress up in full femme and go out with friends even at the beginning stages of my transition- I'm not ready for full time or even what I would consider part time yet. Maybe if I had more experiences like this it would happen sooner, though! (the going out with friends part, not the getting called out part )

I knew I wouldn't be in party style "drag" like others but I didn't care. I looked at it as a chance to be witnessed by friends who don't know yet and mirrored by the friends that I am out to already, which at this point is a really exciting prospect (being able to express gender 100% freely to myself and to others at the same time). There are already a handful of people who I am out to that have already switched pronouns and I love them for it.

On that note, I've been noticing all weekend how rewarding it was for my self confidence to do with my own gender expression. I really thought I would be nervous like in the past with CD'ing at themed parties (fear of being found out for taking it too seriously), but honestly I wasn't nervous at any point- instead I felt whole. I used to hide behind the theme of crossdressing, but this was totally different... Probably because now I am out to myself and transition has officially begun. I think being occasionally called by proper pronouns has been a huge catalyst as well. When I really think about it, it amazes me how much other people seem to play a part in all of this.

We define ourselves by the way others perceive us. Consciously, it's what makes us human and gives us our sense of "self".

Every bit of the experience felt natural, I didn't feel like I had to be ashamed presenting as female (which was a first). Probably played a huge part as to why the drag queen's comment didn't bring me any discomfort. It was an affirmation of sorts, even if it was kind of tactless.

Also I forgot to mention... after the ride I went to a house party and ended up just heading straight there with a few others. That was probably the best time I had all night, because I didn't feel nervous at all being in full femme even in the midst of a normal non-themed party. I was all smiles and nobody seemed weirded out in the least bit. Maybe the look on my face had something to do with that My confidence has really taken a turn for the better.