Well I have been feeling this way the last week, something inside of me tells me its time to tell everyone, everywhere the whole story. I am very afraid though to do it, but if I just don't want to wait any longer. I am ready for my family and friends to know I am intersex and also transgender.

Give me some advice on how to approach this. Well I am going to tell everyone on facebook for now, some of my family and friends are not here and are not on facebook. I was wondering if I should tell everyone at once or tell just a few people also.

Facebook coming-out... Not exactly the best idea if you ask me. That's basically telling your true friends and family members that they don't deserve to be told personally, and that your 487th Facebook friend deserves to know just as soon as they do.

Even if they don't say it, I think they'll feel a little like that deep down.

You should come out to the closer ones in a more personalised way, and leave Facebook for those you don't really talk to so much.

If it's hard in person, I recommend letters. They're much easier.

Quote from: A on January 14, 2013, 08:38:45 PM
Facebook coming-out... Not exactly the best idea if you ask me. That's basically telling your true friends and family members that they don't deserve to be told personally, and that your 487th Facebook friend deserves to know just as soon as they do.

Even if they don't say it, I think they'll feel a little like that deep down.

You should come out to the closer ones in a more personalised way, and leave Facebook for those you don't really talk to so much.

If it's hard in person, I recommend letters. They're much easier.

I completely agree with A.

Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on January 14, 2013, 04:43:18 PM
Well I have been feeling this way the last week, something inside of me tells me its time to tell everyone, everywhere the whole story. I am very afraid though to do it, but if I just don't want to wait any longer. I am ready for my family and friends to know I am intersex and also transgender.

I hate to punt, but this is such a personal choice and there are so many possible factors. I tend to go with the recommendation to come out to the most important people to you (especially any of those who may be able to help, or whose bad reactions might hinder) first, and leave a general self-outing to the world until later. Chances are, you'll find you have to come out to some people more than once before they get it, especially if you're not immediately proceeding to RLT.

It's tempting to want to do it wholesale, but it's actually not all that possible, unless you are going on RLT next week and are well along on HRT. Some are bound to think you are joking, others just won't understand what you're saying until they see you in action.

Depending on logistics, you might want to consider finding a way to come out in person to a larger group of those close to you in one sitting. But you'd probably need to work with family and friends to plan that event out more coherently, especially if you hope for them to understand, or begin to understand? Finding out who your allies are going to be, is probably a first step in planning such an event, as well.

YMMV, and a lot will also depend on just how you've been presenting to them over the preceding years.

Well, I talked to my doctor friend who is in San Francisco, she said to take it slowly, just tell those who are not here locally that I can trust 1st, this is why I was going to email or send a message via facebook, because not all my family and friends are here. But the ones that are here, I decided I am not ready to tell, so the best advice I got was to take it slow, because only fools rush in, and well even though I feel like its time, I have no real support group here locally that I can be sure will accept me and protect me and encourage and help me.

I would advise not coming out on Facebook (telling people on facebook is not taking it slowly....it's almost telling those on your facebook and to the world and it appears ingeniousness)

BTW, your facebook has absolutely no privacy settings so the entire world will see it.

I would recommend a face to face or..at the very least a very heartfelt letter

Thanks Annah, i went in and did some privacy changes to facebook

I just recently came out to my father, with a letter sent via email.

I called him first and explained to him there was something he needed to know and how it made me feel hiding it and that I couldn't do it any other way. I think that worked well for me because it's not so much of a shock then, sort of like a prep for a shock.

Then I sent it and waited for a response, took a little while actually, guess he had to process it.

I wanted to wait till I was more committed to it all and I don't know how far or how quickly I'm going to go with transition yet, but I honestly feel these things are better out at the start. And being honest about that really helped I think.

If they support you, your transition will be all that much easier having someone there.

If they don't, at least they will take it much easier knowing you told them up front.

Start with a close friend first, just to build your confidence. Then work up to immediate family you can trust. And then when your ready extended family and acquaintances.

But everyones situation is different..

One thing  to remember about coming out is that there is no going back. So you need to approach life with that thought. I suggest you come out to close people first to get used to it. You may well have nothing but positive responses, and then get used to the people closest to you using the wrong names and pronouns, 'cos they will.

Get used to it because they are the ones closest to you and will be the most accepting. Then move on and start telling others, but take it steadily.

When I did that and when I was comfy I went FT, and no one batted an eye lid.

My plan (though not yet executed) is to drop something cryptic on facebook about how hard it is to keep my secret. Anyone who contacts me personally and wants to know what secret, I'll tell them in person what's going on with me. This has advantages over an explicit facebook coming out:

* I'll know who knows.

* I won't be dropping it on someone who doesn't want to know.

* I'll be doing it in person so it becomes a bonding experience.

Don't know whether I'll actually do this, but it has its appeal.

Quote from: agfrommd on January 15, 2013, 06:57:02 AM
My plan (though not yet executed) is to drop something cryptic on facebook about how hard it is to keep my secret. Anyone who contacts me personally and wants to know what secret, I'll tell them in person what's going on with me. This has advantages over an explicit facebook coming out:

I like this idea. If I were more active on Facebook, I would probably use it. (Actually, I do have a lot of family contacts there, it's just that I rarely used FB for anything, except a chatroom related to a couple of collective drawing games, Drawception and We Draw Comics).  And I'm already out to a lot of those people, as well as the parts of my family that matter most.

Shawn, I've been following your journey since early on.  We had a lot of similar issues going on as far as religion goes.  Anyway, that's neither here or there.  I basically just started to feel people out and came out if I thought they could handle it.  It worked pretty well.  You'll find that most people will be understanding about it.  There will always be people that do not get it, but that's life.  PM me if you wanna talk sometime

well so far 6 people now know on facebook for sure and have been nothing but nice to me. And before all that I had came out to my sister which was a big one. We were not raised together so there was less impact on her for sure. But with my youngest brother he is not happy and for the moment still thinks I have let it go. I will have to wait for the right time to tell him and Mom. Along with the rest of my family and Friends

I hope it goes well for you,good luck and best wishes

My advice is go slow. Really slow. Like now you're certain, wait 6 months and see how you feel. Go on hrt for 6 months, see how you feel then. You've mentioned a few times now that you're bipolar. Take it slow, make sure what you're doing is what you actually intend to do in the long term, not just while you're feeling up.

I also agree that Facebook makes things so much easier. For me, it was baby steps & after a few months on HRT I really just didn't care anymore & WANTED to share it with everyone. I've become so open about it now which is surprising.

Quote from: Isabelle on January 16, 2013, 05:49:19 AM
My advice is go slow. Really slow. Like now you're certain, wait 6 months and see how you feel. Go on hrt for 6 months, see how you feel then. You've mentioned a few times now that you're bipolar. Take it slow, make sure what you're doing is what you actually intend to do in the long term, not just while you're feeling up.

Great advice. May be hard to implement, though, speaking as someone also (atypically) bipolar. But I would echo Isabelle here, Shaun, especially if you have any reason to think you're making impulsive decisions now.