Sorry, I'm not meaning to alarm anyone but I had this weird day and I realised how much I'm changing and have changed.

It was one of those funny meetings. I was called in because of my knowledge and reputation to convince a couple of external senior researchers to join my dept. I knew the two guys, and they knew the male me but had never met Cindy. They had been warned that I had changed, I was pretty sure of that , when I walked in they stood and gently shook my hand.

Oh I was wearing a skirt, heels and top and feeling very very feminine, not sure what that means.

There was only five of us and I was the only woman. They stood while I sat and then we got into negotiations.

When my concentration lapsed on areas of no interest, I noticed my finger nails. I had painted either hand a different colour. I remember thinking they looked cute.
I noticed my perfume, a new one that I have started to like, Cacharel Anais Anais. Thinking it was nice. Thought I should have refreshed my lipstick before the meeting.

The talk lapsed and I had noticed the flaws in the discussions so I just brought them up. Stated the answers to them and then gave the offer that my people had seemed to be making in an around about male fashion.

"I want a yes or no. I'm fine with either, if it is yes I can fit to a time frame for negotiations. If it is no that is fine, I can call others in, and there is nothing lost between us."

My two guys looked as if I had lost the plot.

The two other guys looked thankful that some one was being decisive.

I got the agreement I wanted, subject to a time clause, that I was fine with.
I got what I wanted.

I wondered why guys spend so much time playing games.

I thought how much I had changed.

Every day is a mind blasting experience.

I'm still getting colleagues mixing up pronouns and now I'm telling them, and the answer is the same (at the moment) sorry I've known you a XXX for 20+ years it just takes time. But I'm starting to misgender people in turn and that seems to be working.

One of my people was asked by a visitor where is Cindy? 'He's in his office' so I just walked out past them and smiled. When I came back my person said that guy was looking for you. Oh I said I thought you told him some guy was in my office so I got out of the way so they could meet.

I'm liking me. I'm liking me an awful lot.

Hang in there girls we can all make it.

Hugs

Cindy - I love that perfume, I never ever could smell it before a few weeks ago and just tried it. Hmmm

Typical woman..  Can't be bothered putting up with that male BS..

Quote from: Cindy James on January 16, 2013, 05:04:17 AM
Hang in there girls we can all make it.

Thanks for this Cindy. It feels like I'm so far from where I want to be. It really helps to have you for inspiration.

Quote from: agfrommd on January 16, 2013, 05:29:36 AM
Thanks for this Cindy. It feels like I'm so far from where I want to be. It really helps to have you for inspiration.

\\

It's why I post Sis, not for self indulgence stuff but just to let my sisters know we can do it, and you can. I honestly totally completely and utterly felt like a woman in that room and that I was with four men.

It was quite startling, it was totally professional and no funny stuff in any way; it was a professional high power meeting and careers and futures where on the line. And I felt totally in place and totally feminine. I'm having problems describing it. I was at peace with me, and they totally accepted me as me.

Quote from: Cindy James on January 16, 2013, 05:40:34 AM
I was at peace with me, and they totally accepted me as me.

I do hope that I get to experience that sooner or later, at least once in this life.

The dreaded male peer group.

So many women seem to be frustrated when they are routinely excluded, yet as many of us will have experience of both we can tell them they are better off out of that.

Quote from: spacial on January 16, 2013, 07:11:01 AM
The dreaded male peer group.

So many women seem to be frustrated when they are routinely excluded, yet as many of us will have experience of both we can tell them they are better off out of that.

... and on the other hand, plenty of FtMs feel frustrated at having always been routinely excluded from the male peer group having not been raised within it, and are desperately keen to figure out how to fit into it.

Cindy, you're so awesome it's not even real. I notice you experienced something that many of us who were FAAB have had to deal with so many times: men who don't seem to know what's hit them when a woman speaks her mind and knows exactly what she wants. It's something I've also used to my advantage on many occasions.

But I especially love the way you dealt with that visitor situation. Brava!

Quote from: FTMDiaries on January 16, 2013, 08:17:42 AM
... and on the other hand, plenty of FtMs feel frustrated at having always been routinely excluded from the male peer group having not been raised within it, and are desperately keen to figure out how to fit into it.

I think the problems exist on both sides to be frank.

Though I have to say that, while I would have preferred to not have to live with this, I count myself fortunate that I was not born a gfemale.

One thing my time here in Susans' has demonstrated is that FtM transisioners have a rough time.

As for fitting into the male group, speaking as someone born male and who has tried many times, I can assure any reading this that the problems exist for most males.

The male peer group is essentially shaped like a pyramid. The higher you go, the less room there is.

There's a traditional cowboy story theme, of the toughest guy in town and other tough guys come from miles around to beat him. It sounds so pointless, but that is the male peer group.

Whatever position you gain, you will have to deal with competitors. The safest approach is to create a specific value for yourself, such as being the best at some specific skill. Then you can fall back on that. If your personality is sufficiently generous, then even when you are, eventually, unseated, you will still be seen as someone who was.

Your an inspiration to some of us guys too. Or rather me, I guess I can only speak for myself.

I feel the problems faced by guys might be more internal and social, since T pretty much handles a lot of the physical stuff.

But we still all have the problems of coming out, dealing with friends and family (so far friends have been great), dealing with "when to come out", expense of being trans, etc. We have a "coed" support group and we have a lot of stuff in common.

Just my 2¢.

--Jay

Cindy this is wonderful to read. Thanks for sharing.

Quote from: aleon515 on January 16, 2013, 06:48:47 PM
Your an inspiration to some of us guys too. Or rather me, I guess I can only speak for myself.

I feel the problems faced by guys might be more internal and social, since T pretty much handles a lot of the physical stuff.

But we still all have the problems of coming out, dealing with friends and family (so far friends have been great), dealing with "when to come out", expense of being trans, etc. We have a "coed" support group and we have a lot of stuff in common.

Just my 2¢.

--Jay

I'm acutely aware of the problems my brothers have but I have been a little reticent to post about FtM dealings with society. I'm very happy to do so because I think I have a very strong perspective on how men inter relate at the level I am at, and during my climbs up the ladder.

I am also very aware that I am a very confident and powerful woman in society and while that can be used to help my sisters to build their confidence I do not ever wish to present as that arrogant person who just pushes her opinion onto guys when she hasn't met the problems that you guys have.

I am very very happy to give my opinions and advice, it can be accepted, ignored, or laughed at.

I'll request something.

You ask the guys if you would like me to post a thread about how I have perceived guys in business, acted as one, achieved as one and  what in my mind these men have as strengths and weaknesses.

As  a Mod in my position I have access to all areas but like all Mods I respect  members privacy and I only moderate guys areas when I have to, for example due to a lack of a male Mod and stuff is happening.

So if you wish start a thread about how guys work in business and how guys who didn't have the opportunity to develop during adolescents as guys, fit in and what lessons/ advice they may get from some old broad in the female section.

I think I know someone who is willing to pass on her experience, but I will not just walk into the guys only area and post. That would be rude.

Cindy

Cindy--
I appreciate your restraint here. I don't believe all the gals here respect the privacy of the guys sometimes bouncing in topics that they should stay out of, but this is not a huge problem. There are always a bit more universal topics.

I believe that boys and girls are so differently socialized in our society and it causes a lot of problems for us ftms. I know as I am in a support group for ftms. The subject of what we think of straight cis-men comes up a lot--there, the support group, youtube, etc. ! I could start a discussion and invite you in if you like. I think it would be interesting. I don't have any special status on the ftm group (except as "old guy"), LOL! But if people aren't interested they don't like it they don't have to participate.

I am in education and not business (ok the running a school like a business never ever worked-- but it was a big fad at one time). So I deal with a more female centric field. Even management is partially female (though most superintendents are male). So, personally, I've never had to climb to the top as I just wanted to teach and not get into administration, but I'm sure that would be different than some competitive field (ok not to imply school admin is not competitive!).

--Jay

Hi Cindy!
       Thanks for sharing your insights and inner feelings about dealing with men. An interesting thought I've always had is the fact that since I've lived on both sides of that fence I have always been acutely aware of a man's underlying motives and thought processes, which has made it so much easier at so many levels. Also being a student of body language and people's dress modes has always revealed so much information about them before they even open their mouth to speak. It gives me a lot of self confidence having that edge!

Great idea Cindy.