First off the girl I was dating. Her and I dated for 5 months but we broke up because we argued too much and she wanted to have a break and see other people and she dated a boy for not even a week and broke up with him because he was on drugs. We broke up in October and we still talked to each other until the middle of November when I went off on her again because she was dating this boy and I accused her of never caring about me and we got into a huge fight which ended with me in the ICU for three days because of her dating a bio male which caused me dysphoria and I was angry and I just wanted to die so I swallowed 30 1mg of medicine my mom takes for diabetes and it caused my blood sugar to start dropping and the ambulance came and I asked them if I was dying and the woman asked me if I really wanted her to answer that and I said "Yes" so she said "Yes, you're dying" And the ambulance had the lights on and got me as fast as possible to the hospital and they hooked me to an IV and started pumping liquid sugar through my body and over the past 3 days in the ICU I had to have my blood sugar taken a lot and then I had to go to Highland because that was the second suicide attempt in a month. I was a little better when I got out of Highland and I apologized to Mickie for all the horrible things I said to her and she apologized for all the horrible things she said to me and we started talking again and a couple of weeks ago she came to my house where she kissed me and we were about to...yeah.. but her best friend interrupted as usual. Her best friend was the one of the reasons our relationships had problems because she would tell lies to me about Mickie and tell lies to Mickie about me and she is possessive over Mickie for some reason. Mickie said we needed to work our issues out before we can start a relationship again because she had something horrible happen to her and she's still trying to get over it. Instead of dating officially we just talk to each other. We act as if we're still dating but we're not actually together again and neither of us will date anyone else. I try to help her as best as I can but having never went through what she went through it's hard to help her. Anyways I took 8 klonopins 2 days ago and got violent and starting screaming and cussing and throwing things, it's like I blacked out but some things I can remember so I dialed 911 and gave the phone to my mother and the took me to the hospital where I calmed down until they told me I couldn't leave and then I got violent again and started punching the walls, kicking the doors and screaming "Let me out" And when I calmed down the second time I just decided to peer out the door because I felt trapped and a security guard told me to go back inside the room and I said "Or what?" And he tried to push me back into the room and I attacked him and they restrained me to the hospital bed (after they put the hospital bed back together as I took off everything and was going to use it as a battering ram) and eventually the tranqualized me and some dude filed a mental hygeine on me and I had to go to the court building where I talked to my lawyer and the person who tells the judge whether I should be in a mental hospital for 30 days and in the hearing, the psychologist who says whether the judge should grant the mental hygeine said that since I'm transgender that she doubts a mental institution would help in the slightest and the judge agreed but I'm court ordered to see a doctor who has experience with transgender people. I didn't know they had any in West Virginia but apparently there are a few of them in Charleston, where I live. I called them and the one doctor said I would have to wait until April but she would ask the other ones if they could see me sooner. I just needed to let all this out. Sorry for the rant or whatever you call this.
