Hiya, thanks for peaking into my introduction!

Lets see...where to start! Well, my name is Riley and I have repressing my feelings all my life in hopes that they would go away. Obviously they did not because otherwise I wouldn't be here!

I finally decided to take steps a week ago and began researching as much as I can. But I found it rather difficult to search through all the google links and figured there had to be a better way. Now, I am here! I browsed a bit and found some very useful links already and decided to join. That, and I believe I could find support and courage with others' stories.

Okay, now to my feelings...

In my teens, I found myself crossdressing when no one was around and feeling great about myself. I would wear bras, stuff them, put on a shirt and look at my figure. I would also shave myself and pose in the mirror, exaggerating any curves and feeling good about my femininity. But as I grew, the norms of society also grew heavier.

I thought these feelings that I have been struggling with all my life needed to be repressed, and I started to scold myself for feeling them. I forced myself to think of my feelings as wrong but couldn't help but feel hurt whenever I was called 'him', 'he', 'guy', or any other masculine terminology. When I started high school, I found myself getting green with envy whenever a girl was around. Their hair, soft face, clothes, anatomy, and personality...was not something I lusted over for. I recognized this with the several girlfriends I had...I wanted to be them! But...I was in a male body and had to act appropriately in fear of stigma. And so I did.

I faked my way up until now...and actually grew comfortable with faking. But maybe this was because I started playing a game called Second Life where I could project all my feelings into a single avatar. All my wants and needs were being lived through her...but as I worked more and I spent less time in a fantasy world, I started to get depressed again. I know I can't keep this up. I finally told my sister, who is very supportive, and decided to seek out a therapist. I am currently researching them, already having sent some emails, and doing my homework on what it means to be transexual and how to go about making me...well, me.


Well, I hope I provided a little insight. I feel frustrated because I feel like I left things out and can not get all my feelings into this post.

Anyway, feel free to IM me about anything if you fancy yourself! I passed my National Registry for Paramedics and currently work as a EMT-B until my paperwork gets in.



Obviously this section will be very useful:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,339.0.html

Here is my list:

Quote***Body: Starve self and lose muscle/fat then put weight on during hormone therapy.



***Balding: Avodart, Rogaine, Propecia.

http://www.bernsteinmedical.com/medical-treatment/medications/avodart-dutasteride/dutasteride-information-sheet/



***Face: Make-up/Facial Feminization Surgery

http://feminizationsecrets.com/transgender-facial-feminization/
http://www.ai4ps.com/procedures/transgender/male-to-female-surgery/



***Voice: Coaching/Surgery (vocals/Adam's apple)


http://www.ai4ps.com/procedures/transgender/male-to-female-surgery/



***Breast: Hormone therapy/Breast Augmentation

http://www.ai4ps.com/procedures/transgender/male-to-female-surgery/



***Waist: Corset/Waist Clincher

http://romantasyweb.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=R&Category_Code=admin

http://www.amazon.com/821-Beige-Rago-Waist-Nipper/dp/B000BIDG70/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326843481&sr=8-1
http://feminizationsecrets.com/transgender-hourglass-figure/



***Body Hair: Electrolysis (face/gentials)



***Fashion:

http://www.lingeriediva.com/
http://feminizationsecrets.com/tag/transgender-fashion/



***Mannerisms: (sitting, standing, walking, running)


http://feminizationsecrets.com/transgender-resources/
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Walk_like_a_woman_(How_to)



***Hair cut: http://www.thefrisky.com/photos/real-hair-220-gorgeous-girls-with-great-short-

haircuts/tumblr_lyo4gnisw11qzf33uo1_500/



***Hormones
*Estrogen
estradiol valerate (Delestrogen®), [deleted dosage] IM every two weeks
*anti-androgens (Male Hormone Inhibitors)
spironolactone (Aldactone®), [deleted dosage] daily in divided doses
*Injectable (intramuscular) progestogen:
medroxyprogesterone (Depo-Provera®), [deleted dosage] every two weeks

Important: http://transhealth.vch.ca/resources/library/tcpdocs/consumer/hormones-MTF.pdf



***Therapist:
http://www.gendertherapist.com/fees.html
http://www.rcdallas.org/family-aamp-community/counseling
http://www.drbroun.com/


***Support:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php



***Helpful links:
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/SRS.html
http://www.transgendered-soul.com/TransitionPDF/HarryBenjaminStandardsofCarev61.pdf
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_reassignment_surgery_(male-to-female)
http://www.masstpc.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=MTF_passing_tips
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,339.0.html


***Beginning:
http://tarasresources.net/transition.htm
http://www.transgendered-soul.com/Transition.html
http://tarasresources.net/transition.htm

Hello, hello! Welcome to our site. You'll be sure to settle in well here. We're all here to help you through any struggles you may have, so if you are in need of answers, ask away!

I think a lot of us here have experienced this. Not wanting to be viewed as aberrant (and even worse, abhorrent), we pretended to be something we were not. We cloaked ourselves in the lies of our own body. It's a depressing, hurtful place to be.

It's good to hear you've made some first steps, though. Research is good. It's on your side. And it's apparent that you aren't going to tollerate snuffing out the real you anymore. I would say that's the biggest step for a transgender--realizing that everyone, and I mean everyone, in the world, has the right to feel like the real them.

So, welcome again! It's nice to meet you.

Thank you for the warm welcome!

It took me a while to realize that this is my life and I can do what I want to be happy...just like everyone else and who are all struggling as well.

A pleasure to meet you Reinhaven.

Hi Riley! Since I'm fairly young (and you sound like you are, too), similar memories are really fresh in my mind. I actually left highschool over it my junior year because I was so depressed, and I became a shut-in. Here's to getting through this and finding true happiness (or at least being able to focus on our other problems!) Welcome to Susan's!

Hi Riley,

Welcome to our little family. Over 9767 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation Rules
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Janet 

Hi Riley, welcome to Susan's Place.  You sound like you have researched the issues pretty thoroughly.

I'd like you to please be aware of the Terms of Service Rule #8.  I edited your post to remove suggested dosages, in accordance with the policy.

Oh hey you know of me, but I am unsure of who you are exactly.
Pretty bad of me huh?

Hi Riley,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. Pretty hard thing to do first up. At least your upbringing has been pretty normal to date. So there' nothing to worry about there.

Just a few points that may help your journey along the way, be a bit easier for you. From some of your links, I've assumed you are looking at self medication. If that's the case, DON'T. We are all totally individual, and what dosages are good for you, may be life threatening for me. You will need to be monitored by an Endocrinologist to ensure your levels are safe and other major body organs are working effectively.

If you're considering HRT, leave the BA for 3-5 years and let HRT do it's work. If Mother Nature forgot about you, then do something about it, other wise you could be wasting your money.

Generally speaking (in Oz) scrotal electrolysis is NOT required for surgery. This is something that the surgeon performs and forms part of the service they should provide.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

I appreciate the replies! 

As for the self medicating, that was more copy and pasting. I was searching for ways to reduce the possibility of DVT...as a medic, I see plenty of patients with these and what they can do (strokes, PE, MI). PO vs IM administrations. I appreciate the concern, Catherine! I still think I'll need the BA though...thinking about who I resemble most!

And I suppose I already broke a rule? That's always a good start.  A shame I did not read the rules a bit more. Would have modded the dosages out before I left for work. Thank you for the welcome, Jamie.

Tazia...well, I guess it may be for the best. Still nice seeing you around!

Noyemi, you should at least get your GED And hopefully you won't stay shut-in here.

Hello Riley and welcome. I'm happy that you have decided to become your
true self. In time many of your questions will be answered.

Welcome, Riley!

Quote from: Riley May on January 18, 2013, 11:49:05 PM
I appreciate the replies! 

As for the self medicating, that was more copy and pasting. I was searching for ways to reduce the possibility of DVT...as a medic, I see plenty of patients with these and what they can do (strokes, PE, MI). PO vs IM administrations. I appreciate the concern, Catherine! I still think I'll need the BA though...thinking about who I resemble most!

And I suppose I already broke a rule? That's always a good start.  A shame I did not read the rules a bit more. Would have modded the dosages out before I left for work. Thank you for the welcome, Jamie.

Tazia...well, I guess it may be for the best. Still nice seeing you around!

Noyemi, you should at least get your GED And hopefully you won't stay shut-in here.

Was your user Haxx?