I want a boyfriend really bad right now, but I look into the mirror and all I can see is someone who is average-looking, overweight, and just gross all around. I'm 5'8 at 180 lbs at the moment. People (family and internet people) tell me I'm attractive... but I don't know if I believe it or not.

I don't want an old fart of a boyfriend either, no offense to older people, but I want a guy who is close to my age this time. I feel so ugly I can't even find someone close to my age. I was in a 1 yr relationship with a 50 yr old at 19. I'm 21 now.

I just feel so ugly. I don't know. I see unattractive people and think they are better looking than me. I know a little bit of it is in my head....

I have no idea what you look like but you aren't fat. I am 5' 5"ish and over 200 pounds so mellow out while I chew my cud and ring my bell.

I can understand wanting someone closer to your own age. Even though I've seen relationships work where there is a large age difference, sometimes it is easier to relate to someone that is closer to their own age.

Maybe you just need more self confidence?

You THINK your ugly ,
the overweight part you can solve,eat less move more ,don`t try to be as skinny as the catwalk models brrrr i find them unattractive ,but as I read your letter I think its more you want to have sex !Average mmm in who,s eyes ?
There is a bit more to a relation than that,you had one with a person of 50
well your as old as you feel.
For being lonesome well many are ! And many more will be in this electronic age.
Just smile .

Blon beat me too it.

You think you are ugly.  You've created your own reality, your own hell.