i came home with a bunch of new clothes and my mom acted like nothing was wrong or out of the ordinary, and then as she went into her room i heard her almost panicking about it to my dad!! i have never heard anything like this before. i didnt know they talked about this. they don't know im trans but they know something's up. i thought they were starting to get used to me being more masculine, but evidently its getting worse!!! maybe i'm overreacting but ugh. i have such bad anxiety with my family knowing about it because i dont know how they'd react. i dont even know if they'd understand or even know that being trans is even a thing. aahhh!!!! living with parents is so tough!!!!

I'm really sorry that you are dealing with so much stress and anxiety, I know how it feels to be unwary around your parents, do you feel as if they would ultimately accept you or no? That question helped me with asking my parents at least. All I know is there is nothing wrong with you, you are the person you are working on being!

i dont think they'd ever accept me being trans... i mean who knows? but i definitely think it would be a struggle. i don't know how bad it would get. i don't think they'd kick me out, but.... man now it's almost horrifying to have to go home every day.
thing is i cant even imagine myself coming out to them. it doesn't even seem like that would ever be real. i think i have to get used to the idea of talking to them a little bit more openly. : /

I think you should go at your own pace and not force yourself to do anything you aren't ready to do. I tell myself this every single day, I want to be full time 24/7 but I'm just not quite there yet and that's okay. What I did was I asked other questions which weren't related to what I wanted to tell them, even at one point I asked what they would say if I was gay and when they told me they would still love me, that's when I knew I could tell them, but I don't urge you to ask anything unless you think it's a good idea. That was just one thing that I did that helped me transition into telling them that I'm transitioning.

I think everyone goes through this stage; I know I am. As EmmaS said, go out your own pace. Everything takes time, and it's something you should be feel prepared for, even if the reactions are not. I know some people write a letter; it's easier to write things down and be able to edit and revise before sending it off. I am horrible, in which I'll send things in an email or text, just because it is easier than trying to tell someone and then gauge their reaction. Then again, myself, I don't always understand social cues, so it makes it harder to read a person.

Actually I did something like Johe said, I actually texted most of the people I know about it and it took a lot of building up to it, all of them were like you got me all anxious! I definitely feel texting was easier to do because I actually called my best friend and told him on the phone and that was really awkward for me, so I just told almost everyone else via texting. But do whatever you think is best whether it's a text, email or even in person, you know your family best, just like I know mine best

Quote from: secondo on January 25, 2013, 09:45:40 PM
they don't know im trans but they know something's up.

With respect, they do.

Firstly, they are parents.

Secondly, their reaction.

But the problem they are having is geting used to the idea that the daughter their raised isn't going to be a carbon copy of them.

Sorry, but like all parents, that is something they just have to get used to.

You now need to be a bit tolerant and given them time, but don't back down as this will give them the impression they can control you.

they don't know im trans because i don't even know they know that they exists. they probably think i'm a lesbian or that i'm "trying" to "act" like a guy.

I understand and you know them better than I do. But the fact remains, take them for what they are and give them time.

I know this, you can't lead them.

Though if you don't mind me asking, why do you think they were panicking?

You say they think you're a lesbian acting like a guy. Do you think they are fazed by that?

When I first started to confront the fact that underneath, I really, really wanted to stop dreaming about being female and actually be female, I was still pretty much in denial about it actually happening. I mostly thought that I could control it and keep on keeping it to myself. Then, at odd times, I started coming out and the next thing I knew, I was not just putting make up and clothes to parade around the house, I was at the mall or the grocery store being me.

At that point, it was only a matter of time before I confided in some girl friends, and then another girl friend and then eventually my mother. It was like I was on a roller coaster without knowing it, because when the time came, each time, I remember being aware that I wasn't making a decision at all, the decision was making me, lol!

I am not all the way out, though. I feel like I am stuck in the cocoon, but if nature is any sort of a guide, things have a way of working out when they are supposed to.

oh, and the most important part...

... all my girlfriends were sooo supportive. Most of my girl friends were mommies from the neighborhood where I lived. It was really kind of destiny that I even told them, because while drinking on the deck, they were taking turns talking about their depression and suicidal tendencies, when I felt like I had to throw myself on the grenade so to speak. I thought it would make them laugh or something, so I told them I was a '->-bleeped-<-'. Just then, they were all somewhat stunned, but barely. Michelle, who previously had referred to me as 'one of the girls' simply blurted out, 'Oh my God! What's your name going to be?' So, I felt like the situation was bigger than I realized, but I tried to play it off like it was just a 'kookie' thing I did and I wasn't going to become an actual girl or anything. But it was nice, because things seemed so much more natural after that, even though I still carried on in boy mode.

...but my Mom was generally put off. I could tell it was everything she could do not to yell at me. She totally clammed up and avoided me as best she could. I realized it wasn't cool with her, so I backed off the subject altogether and distanced myself from it again, regretfully. She drafted up a minor thesis on how this qualified as the latest in a list of compulsions and suggested I look at it more as a hobby, one that I kept to myself.

So, I actually silently agreed with her, but events that followed proved once again that nature takes its own course and since that time, we no longer talk.

So, in a way, it cost me my mother, but in a way it didn't. That woman wasn't ready to accept me for who I am, but maybe that's because I am only beginning to accept myself for who I am.

My family must have known something too. Last August, I went back home to gather my old things before leaving for Australia (where I am staying now), when my mother suddenly asked me "Why do you like female clothes?" At that time I had been living in another city for 8 years and had never shown any female clothes in my home town! I am so nervous too! My family are that kind of very traditional, religious Chinese, strongly believing that LGBT is an evil crime, and LGBT people are monsters. There is absolutely no way to change their mind. They must have sensed something out of me but they may not be sure right now.