Hey Tristan,
It's so funny that you posted this because I was getting ready to send you a pm asking you if something happened based on a comment you made in another thread, but here's this thread.
The thing I think is important to remember is that it's ok to trust guys, but they need to jump through some hoops before they get the honor and privilege of laying their mittens on you
That's how you have to look at yourself. "I am an awesome catch to an awesome guy who will treat me with the respect and move at speeds I'm comfortable with." The thing about guys, I think, is that they are going to move as fast as you let them. So if they feel like you are sending signals that say "full speed ahead" they will go fast. If you are cautious, they'll move at your speed. You don't have to be like mean to them or anything, you can totally do it in a joking but honest way.
Like let's say he asks you out, make it a public place for the first 2-3 dates. Start with like coffee or something, something at a little cheap cafe that doesn't serve elaborate food. That reinforces the notion that you are careful and not placing expectations on the date. For the second date, keep it public still, but maybe make it lunch at some place like Cheesecake Factory or something, daytime...public. After the second date, how do you feel about him? Is he awesome? Good conversation? Are you attracted to him physically? Or THOSE buttons being pushed inside you? Is he the kind of guy you are looking for? If the answer is YES YES YES then move to date three.
Make date three maybe dinner at a decent place. At this point, if you are feeling it, then you start going with what you are comfortable with. I'd leave the movie at his house out of the equation until like date 4+ just so you get a good feeling about him. Also, getting into physical stuff early, like date one, sends a message that you are ready to be physical. The hard thing for a lot of guys, and I think this is true but I'm still figuring it out like you are, is that if you start making out, they want to take it further and further.
One thing my own experience living pre-transition didn't prepare me for and this applies to almost all of us I would imagine, is that we CAN'T base our experience with guys on our own experience with girls or guys pre-transition. The way I treated girls pre-transition was partly because I wasn't attracted to them like they thought, but also because I wasn't dealing with impulses where I HAD to get them into bed. I think quite a few guys have this thing where like once you get them going, they get frustrated, angry, upset, etc. if you pull back. That happened with one guy I was with pre-op, post-transition, where he got frustrated because we were making out and then he started getting wandering hands and I was ok with a little bit but when he went for the front of my jeans, I was like "ohhhh, noooo, we aren't going there."
Sorry for writing a book! You really caught me when all these things are on my mind. So don't be so rigid that you don't date, but go sloooowly even if you body and heart are like "I NEED THIS GUY RIGHT NOW!!!" He'll respect you and know your boundaries early on if you go slow. Tristan, you body is a temple and only the best, most respectful guys will get to enter it, you know? No kissing until he proves he can behave and that you have a connection.
The other difficulty with this is that in your heart (I'm like this, I think you might be, don't want to jump to conclusions!) you are looking for that special guy and you don't want to let a potential down if you really like him. It's this balancing act of giving him just enough of what he's looking for to keep him interested, but not giving everything away right up front. Try to remember that; he wants certain things, you want certain things, you both have to be patient and move slowly to ensure you are both on the same page.
Best of luck, I'm right there with you. Date #2 today with this guy I like
Meghan
