When I told my sister. It went less then good. She told me. She does not accept me. She hates what I have become. And she thinks I'm going to rot in hell. She also told me that my parents won't accept me. My brother is going to kick my ass. And that this is just a phase and that I better get out of it or I will die by a abusive racist. And while she was saying all these hateful things I was crying. And she did nothing but keep her distance and basically treated me like I was nothing and a freak. But you know what. Though I hate the way she is I love what she could be and what she is. Even though she will never love me. I guess I should accept my family. Will not love me any more.

Please please,  I really need it.   Please send your love.
Jackie

P.S. She told me that if I did not tell my parents that she would. Now I'm scared to the point of being sick and really need someone to hold me but instead I'm being pushed away.

Dear girl, It is shamful how sometimes the people that least understand is family.  Your sister really needs to study the facts (but that sounds like it's never happen).  Not everyone will be as she is.  Sometimes family will surprise you, sometimes not. 

I wish you all the best


Beni

Calm down and chilax. the world is not over by any stretch of anyone's imagination. So your sister flipped, so what? let her do all the stressing and you enjoy the peacefulness of not having to worry about what her reaction would be any longer. Yes, it would be great if the world was perfect and every time we came out to people they would get all doe-eyed and tell us how proud they are. That does happen sometimes but this is reality and there are people that are not going to agree with your choices on how want to live your life. Key words there, YOUR LIFE.

I heard a speech very similar to the one your sister gave you. So far, none of that crap has happened at all. I actually get more accolades and respect from people for coming out and just being me. Criticism is always going to come throughout life for all kinds of stuff. If it is just abusive non-constructive in nature then just let it go and move on. If you let everyone who puts you down get to you, life is going to be hard and stressful.

Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. get yourself together and get ready to take on whatever comes at you next. You have way too much in your future to worry about trivial stuff in your past. Life is all about mind over matter. If you don't mind then it doesn't matter.

Oh, Jackie!

That's just not fair.  And now it's too late to un-tell your sister.   

Since I don't have a time machine, I don't have any good advice.  But I might suggest that you just not talk to her about it.  If she brings it up, tell her you are still considering your options.  But do know that we are with you.

BTW, your new pic looks great.

Sending hugs your way....


Kristi

Hey Jackie,

I'd like to tell you not to worry so much about what your sister thinks but I also know its hard not to.  Who knows, maybe she'll come to understand, and possibly the rest of your family won't be so harsh.  Your sister will always love you and with a little research I bet she'll come to respect you again.  Those ignorant of the truth behind this most likely view it as some sexual perversion.  What could be farther from the truth?  After all you didn't choose this any more than Quasimodo chose to be a hunchback.  Hopefully your sister and the rest of your family will eventually come to understand that.  Until then and even after, we'll be with you.

~Mattie

Hey Jackie,
Stay strong, you have support. If your sister doesn't accept you, then that's going to be her loss. You chose to open yourself up, to let her inside to see the real you, and she showed you how she felt. That's too bad, but that doesn't change who you are or how you feel. One thing people, especially family, don't realize is that you never chose this. It wasn't like you were saying to yourself last week "hmm, this is a new feeling, maybe it would be fun to be a girl. I should tell everyone how I feel and see what happens." Obviously you wouldn't be wanting to tell people if you didn't have these strong feelings. Just keep it all in perspective Jackie. It's your life, your world. The people around you are in YOUR world and as much as you love them, love is a two way street. If they can't love Jackie and who she is, then that's their loss. I know, easier said than done, but that's kind of the frame of mind that will help you I think.  Just know you have a whole family of people here that support you and understand what you going through. Take care, Meghan

Hi Jackie,

I'm very sorry to hear that your sister does not understand. The best thing you could do at this point is to stay strong and confident in yourself. The more confidence you have in yourself and you portray to the world, the easier it [usually] is for other people to come around and accept this. Hang in there and don't stress yourself out about what the rest of your family will think until you acually tell them. No good comes from getting down on yourself about something that may turn out completely different.

I would also suggest you politely recommend some reading material to your sister to educate her more on the issue of being TS and the fact that it is definately not a phase, and most importantly not something that you have a choice about.

Hang in there  We'll always be here!

Sarah

Dear Jackie,

You look great and it takes a lot of courage to share this stuff with someone you trust.

If you have a good relationship with your sister she might mellow given some time.   Do not argue with her regarding this topic.  This stuff is not easy to understand.

I am sorry you do not have someone that can hold you while you cry.  Moms tend to be more understanding than dads; however you need to know your parents.  Maybe you can ask your mom if you can talk to her in private.  Then ask her if she would love you if you where "different".  (She should say yes.)  Then ask her if she would keep a secret from dad.  (She should say yes again but she will most likely tell dad anyway.)  Then you might ask her if she knows that you like some things that are "different".  (She most likely will say she knows and then ask you to explain.)  Tell your mom you really need her to hug you and you want to grow your hair longer.  ...That probably is enough information for the first round!  Most likely your mom will listen to you.  However the reactions from people you trust are totally across the board if you discuss the stuff on this forum.

Also once this stuff is out you can not stick in back into the container.

I am sorry you have been hurt by a close relative.

W

I'm sorry that went badly Jackie. Hopefully your parents will be different. You can't necessarily judge what they'll do from what your sister did. It would've been nice if she'd been supportive for you for the next stage.

She also may change. People do.

Dennis

That is a shame that your sister has to be so close minded. Maybe she will come around someday.

ok time for my follow up. To start off i deeply love you all. and am thankful that you took the time to show you care. Your words realy ment a lot and will help me in the difficult time of telling my parents.And i am a realy religious person. So i would like to request none to doubt that faith i am about to show.

           After i told my sister i quikly left. I found my first freind who was close enough to hangout wit. It ends up the him and another freind of mine where going to gt tatoos. So i went with them. We talked and btw i was suppose to have work on that day but for some mysterious reason they did not need me. Supriseingly my dad let me leave. And my sister did not try and stop me. While i was walking down the road i prayed.

     "God i dont have any proof its not a sin. And i can understand where she thinks it is. For i  want to be a lesbian women. And it douse say that homosexuality is a sin in the bible. Now i think you ment homosexual lust. Not homosexual love was a sin. Again i have no proof. But the thing is im realy scared and dont know what to do. I know it is not a sin. Why would you find it wrong for me to embrace my spirit. To shed earthly possesion. And to search deeper. and care more bout the spirit. I realy need to know you love me. And do not hate me for what i am. I am scared."

            As i met with Brian (my freind i was talking about) He cheered me up quik. Thn we met with my secound freind Nishat. Who was getting a tatoo that read "look to the stars". she then explained to me the deeper meaning

           "you see we live in Nederland A city inside a sate, that is inside a county, that is inside a state, that is inside a country, that is inside a planet, that is inside a universe that is inside a galaxy, that is inside a universe, that is inside something else. (in therory) For use to be that insignificant in the monstrosity that is this exi whatever being is out there to still show that much care for every last living indivisual. How can we be so stupid as to worry bout the diffrences that are own people have in this city the very in of that stagering list. I mean when we find what is out there where going to realy see some diffrence. And only thouse that can will be able to see something that is literly out of this world."

          now that is why she was getting her tatoo. Wich she was planning to get way before i told her i was tran. But it just so happen that she chose the day  needed religious gudance. (and praid for it too) God had answered me that day. And she told me that everything was going to be all right. And that she loved me inspite of me being diffrent. And because of that I am not afraid any more.

Jackie

Gal 3:28 - There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

The only verse this atheist ->-bleeped-<- knows by heart. lol

This is the hardest thing you will ever do.
My brother was pretty accepting of this.  But my mother and father have  basically turned their back on me.
I have not talked to any of them recently and I do not plan to.  They do not want me calling, and all I hear from them is that I am ruining my life (and to be honest that is the best thing I have heard from them). If I go out I am putting my life at risk. Every bigoted thing I have heard, I have heard so far from my parents.  They are not even religous.  They were accepting when I first came out to them, but things got worse and worse, to the point that they said this was wrong and that I was ruining my life, and that society will never accept me.  I could go on and on.

But I kept this secret for two long, even when I was caught at 17 and 21 with womens clothing, I made excuses out of fear.  I knew how they would react.  I lived in fear and confusion, with anxiety and depression issues.  But I also was smart enough to plan my life for the possibility of transitioning, even though these fears were there.  Staying in school until I got my law degree, focusing on work that would lead me to an idealistic situation to transition. 

The truth is nothing that my family has said has happened.  They said it would ruin my social life.  I have not lost a single friend that I have come out to, some friendships grew.  They said it would ruin my career, my employer knows my plans and I do plan on staying here, and they plan on keeping me.  They said I would be in danger going out in public.  I have yet to run into any violence.  Basically nothing they have said has come true.  They however have displayed a significant level of bigotry, well beyond what even I was expecting.

Remember you are brave, but what you are doing comes with risk. If you are doing this, it is something that is a must, not a maybe. You still live with your family and are young, so whatever you do could have extremely negative consequences.    My transman friend was kicked out when he came out.  He did not talk to has parents for two years.  This is your risk.  Make sure you have some support outside of your family in case this happens.  You have to be more careful so you do not end up on the streets, but rather with friends.

To me the break with my family was no big deal.  I am closer to my friends and I have been since I was 15.  I am 28 and I live on my own in DC. But it took an incredible amount of career and educational planning to get to the point in my life where I could transition, where I had no fear of coming out to my family because coming out came with no real risk other than them not talking to me anymore.  I have my own life, and they had no hand in it. 

The fear of family rejection and facing ones family is the hardest part.  I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your family.  Coming out is very tough and what will happen is unpredictible. Just make sure you have a friends number available, a place you can stay if things take a turn for the worst.   

I'm sorry your sister doesn't understand. I hope your mom will if and when she finds out. I also hope your dad and brother understand too. Only other words I have for you Jackie is keep your chin up. Do what you feel is right and will make you happy. You have some good friends right there. I hope they stick by like a friend should.

Well my mother told me she hates it, and that if she told my dad it would kill him; that that I am wrong.  She does not accept me and she told me I will not do that in her house, so I have to run.  Somehow I have to run from this house.  I have to get out and find some where to live.  I don't know how or where, but I gotta get out of here.  My choices are this:  be shackled and stay living here, or be free and on my own.  I'm really scared and am probably going to take the second option.  I'm a proud woman and no one can or will change that.  I won't allow them to.

Jackie,



Kristi

 Oh no. I'm so sorry.


Jillieann

Jackie,

I know you feel you have to leave, but please dear, be smart about it.  You know what your feelings are and you are following them. But plan your life, don't let it lead you.  Make sure that you'll have a way to get an advanced education. Don't do anything that will sacrifice that.  You won't get a good job to pay for your transition unless you have proper training.

I'm sorry that your family is not accepting. Many of us have faced the same crap and have found constructive ways to move on.  However, I personally have known several who have not planned and have ended up on the street with nothing.  I had friends who turned to prostitution and died with AIDS.

This is why I am writing this.  It happens so easily. You don't know how easy it is to fall into this trap, especially when you are young and can not support yourself.  Be careful, please.

Cindi

Jackie, although it may be difficult, I would advise you to hold off on getting out of there if you don't have the means to support yourself. That will only serve to push you further from your goal. I am very sorry to hear that your family is so close minded that they do not accept their own child/sibling. It's sad that parents have "conditions" and "terms" that you must qualify for to be their child. In any case, just please make sure you don't make any rash decisions before thinking about the future and consequences of those actions.

You know you always have a place to talk to people who DO care about you and accept you for who you are here. Hang in there 

Sarah

your all right and i was not planning on running away. I was more planning to find a apartment with my dear freind sarah(shirley)shell be getting a job at wal-mart and i make 226 that will give use enough to go halfs on a good apartment right?