So I guess I should start by saying my mom is like my best friend and my greatest supporter in my family. She has been in and out of the hospital since I was 10 years old. She looks fit and healthy if you did not know, but two years ago she had a heart transplant.  Today is the first time since I started Hormones over a year ago that she is in the hospital and it is due to her needing tests to find out if she has arterial blockage or is in rejection.

I was going to drive with her to the bay area but when she found out I have a consultation with an attorney for my name change and my first appointment with my new doctor, she told me to stay here.  I feel really depressed over it, I was her caretaker after her transplant, and her and I have always been really close.  I just dont know what to do, I dont think my car can even make it over the pass right now, but I want to just get in it as soon as my meeting is over and drive there. I also know if I go I will miss work, which I cannot do...i am barely making ends meet as is.

Anyway, im sorry, I just needed somewhere to say this...its really getting to me, and I think its partly because of the hormones...thanks for listening.

I will be thinking of you.  I kinda know where you're coming from, as I had to be caretaker for my Mom for several years before she died.  I pray that her issue is something the doctors can easily treat, and not a result of the rejection drugs not working.  Take care, and feel free to vent here any time you need to!

thank you Carol.

Your situation is really difficult anyway. *hugs* But I do find estrogen has a really powerful effect on emotions. Now that I don't have it in me anymore, and have T in me, I feel more able to handle things without crying. But I remember all too well what it was like to cry easier, feel emotions in a more "colourful" and intense way, and so on...it stank big time and made it harder to function.

Gen88, I know what it's like to feel responsible for the well being of a parent but not being able to do anything or be there (in person) for support.  I am originally from Ohio and now live in Illinois, so "only" a state between my parents and I however, due to finances I've kinda been stranded out here and unable to help out back in Ohio.  The one thing that I have to remind myself is that sometimes the best thing you can do to help your family is to help yourself.  Now if I were to take off back to Ohio, loose out on work and then incure travel expenses at this point my budget couldn't take it and I'd likely end up homeless (again.) That being said, I do provide the support to my family when and how I can within my own constraints, yes sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough.  especially when parents are concerned, but just remember that you don't have to be there for eveything, no one can do that for anyone, but as long as you keep your hart open and do what you can within reason then they will love you and understand.  Best wishes with everything!

Gen, your Mon told you to stay and take care of business. You wanted to support her and sacrifice your needs. If your Mom needed you for anything more than moral support then you would have been there. Perhaps you feel bad for her and guilty for expressing independance. Your Mom wants you to expresss your independance, like any other loving and supportive parent.

Cherish the time you have with her and focue on expressing indepandance and loving your Mom. Your Mom is lucky to have you as a daughter. 

Thank you all for the support, I just got a text from my father telling me she is in rejection. That is BAD, but curable, at this point it is the lesser of the two evils. All I am able to do now is wait and hope she will be better this week...Hopefully I will be able to see her this weekend.