Hey, so my girlfriend of over one year has been really supportive about my gender identity and my figuring it out. I have recently decided, with her help, that top surgery is something I should do in the near future. I do not plan on taking any hormones though.

So yeah, my girlfriend and I are both worried about whether or not she will remain attracted to me after top-surgery? She is a lesbian who is simply quite a fan of boobs, which I plan to get rid of. So yeah we are both worried about whether she will stay attracted to me.

If anyone has ever had any experience with this, or have gone through this themselves, please comment.

I know we have a number of member here who have had to deal with unwanted 'breasts' getting in the way.

That that have reported back after top surgery seem to be almost all feeling so much better.

Sadly, my problem is the other direction, but I really hope someone can get back to you. You do have some important points to decide.

Welcome to the forum as well.

I know quite a number of couples (from the support group) who were lesbian couples before transition. I'm not sure quite how this works, but there are times the relationship really gets stronger. I think the biggest problem is that the non-trans partner has to get used to the idea that they are not lesbians anymore. There is a lot of connection with lesbian culture that are not any longer available. I think that getting used to you looking male and your body being more male is a big adjustment. I think she might be interested in the collab channel "TMates" on youtube. A lot of these folks have been thru this all before.

If there is a support group for transmen and SOs or just SOs that might also be helpful.

--Jay

It is very hard for a gay- or straight-identifying person to suddenly deal with being the opposite. If being a lesbian is important to her she may feel invisible dating a man. She might be fine though. A lot of lesbian relationships become girl/boy relationships without disintegrating, but you have to put a decent amount of care into it and you have to be somewhat flexible.

I was dating a straight boy when I decided to transition. We had been together a couple years and needed to break up so my transition wasn't really a problem except physically. Like I'm not sure if there was ever a discussion where we decided it was over and we weren't together, but there was definitely a time when intimacy became uncomfortable. He's into boyish girls (and girlish girls) but some of my changes were too drastic for him. It got where I refused to let him see me without a binder...and actually most of my major turnoffs for him are testosterone results, which you don't expect to be dealing with.

It's seems to be pretty case-by-case. Sometimes the hardest part is ignoring the scripts that we're supposed to follow.

Felix is experienced in this and I'm really not. I'd guess he's right that a fair number (perhaps most? I don't necessarily see the couples that break up) break up. It just might require too much work to see everything different. I've seen couples break up and get back together as everybody gets used to the whole thing. But it is a lot of adjustment. You may never have thought of yourself as a really a girl, but there are a whole lot of expectations and so on built into the idea of lesbian (or straight-- think there's the some of the same issues here). Being part of the lesbian community is pretty huge for some. You also may start drawing lines re parts of your body that may be difficult. And there are changes on T as well as top surgery as Felix mentioned.

--Jay

A lot of them break up really lovingly though, or just temporarily like you mentioned. It's probably an interesting process for everybody.

My previous lover (lesbian) had told me she wasn't feeling as attracted to me as I started to present more and more male. She was "happy" for me (she said), but I was crushed. When we were out together in public, and I was passing, she wouldn't out me (thankfully), but I know she felt conflicted being seen as part of a straight couple. It was rough on both of us. We are just friends now, but sometimes I think she is sorry she lost me. I can feel it.

My girlfriend isn't strictly lesbian I don't think, and there's not really a gay scene around here anyway, but she's only been with girls apart from one exception as far as I know, and me.  We were together for almost a year when she found out I identify as male.  I'm still pre everything, so things might change, but she text me this morning saying that she'd had a dream where we had a kid and were walking through a park with them and I'd transitioned and we were a normal happy family, so that gives me a lot of hope.  I was actually crying a little when I read that because I'd never been sure whether or not she had considered the possibility of me doing things medically to change my body.

Perhaps some support-- either a support group or even online help. As I said TMates on youtube is very good but there are quite a few blogs and also FB groups. Don't know re: forums except there is sub-forum here and also one on laura's. Don't like laura's so well as it is censored so much.

--Jay

I've not ever dated a lesbian, but I know a guy whose longtime (now ex) girlfriend of seven years was a lesbian. Near the end of their relationship, he came out and started to medically and socially transition. He started with top surgery, and I remember her leaving him without warning for almost three weeks after because it broke her emotionally to see her butch girlfriend becoming a man physically. They talked, and went to counseling and tried to make it work for a long time. He tried to put off some parts of his transition for her, to make her feel more included and comfortable, but eventually started T because he felt it was a big and very necessary step in his transition. She said she would not freak out and helped him with his shots for a long time, but...As soon as he was passably male, she broke it off with him. She said that while she loved him as a person, she wasn't straight and couldn't be that way for him, just as he couldn't pretend to be a lesbian woman with her. They were both sad, but they also talk about how it was probably for the best that they don't hold down their partner in a situation like that.

Generally, that's what I've seen happen with many lesbian/trans male couples. Sometimes sexuality is not very fluid, depending on the individual. She liked him as a girl, but no matter how hard she tried to support him as a man during his transition, she couldn't remain attracted to him. She liked girls, he obviously wasn't one.

One way to address it with your girlfriend is to be open to her possibly being unhappy and letting her talk about it. If you are both very open about how you feel about things, there's honesty and more of a foundation built. Your girlfriend may have to deal with the possibility of people viewing you as male(and both of you, by extension, as a straight couple). Can she handle that? Is she open to change?

My ex always said that she didn't think she would mind the changes, as long as I was the same person. She didn't seem to mind the thought of being seen as straight very much, although it was weird to say "boyfriend" to her friends at first. We ended up breaking up about a year before I actually started the physical part of my transition (other issues). Recently she saw my 9 month on T update and she said it made her a little emotional to hear my voice changes. She said she was no longer sure that if we stayed together she would have been OK with them, because I sounded so different from when she fell in love with me. She said that thought made her sad because she always thought it would be OK. And I KNOW she saw me as a man, she never went after my female parts, treated me like she would a guy, so on and so forth. She got my name and pronouns immediately and was my biggest support system. She also said I never looked or seemed like a woman to her, even before I was properly out.

So I don't know if that's an issue of physical attraction, discomfort of being with a man, the fact I seem different as a whole person, or what...she didn't really elaborate and of course I didn't ask her to.

Like others said, it would depend a lot of how the relationship is. My husband (straight cis-guy) told me it'd be okay if I became a man; but our relationship wasn't really a typical husband-wife sort of thing, we were more together for various other reasons, and neither of us was attracted to the other in the end. If we didn't completely hate each other for non-trans reasons, I am sure we could've been quite happy together as two dudes.

I must say that I count my blessings in this particular area. :3 Although, the situation with my girlfriend is a little more complex than most.

My girlfriend is attracted to me as a man, and the fact that I am transitioning to become one physically is a blessing for us both. We were meeting a lot of opposition from her mother, who is on hellish bigot person (she hates anyone with a lifestyle even remotely different from hers). She marvels with me at every little change that is happening to me right now, and I can say that our relationship has never been stronger.

I must say without wanting to sound too graphic, that I can't wait until post-surgery, because that is a part of our relationship that is rather one-sided. I give, but I can't bear to receive in the body that I am right now.