Well, no job as of not. Not that i'd know if anyone was trying to contact me as the phone company has been screwing up my replacement phone, though due to that i'm essentially getting a free phone, with no monthly bill to boot.

Right now I feel like a person choosing what to save and what to leave behind with the impending disaster. I feel like it might be best to try and get my name changed now, and then go on to where ever it is i'm going. Maybe even going ahead and stopping hrt as I most likely will not be able to afford it anymore if I leave chicago.

I got a minor miricale from my last job, but losing it has all but snuffed whatever hope I had for finishing my transition before I turn 30. So right now I feel to depressed to cry, and to tired to care. Mostly pissed off and dread of tomarrow is my outlook right now. As i've said before I can't commit sucide as my faith forbids it and right now that is the only thing holding me back. Oh, and my hatred for humanity in general has flared to new heights, maybe not healthy but it is doing wonders for my storywriting. Kinda weird that way. I can't talk to anyone as my phone is broken, and my therapist had quit and moved on while I was working at my last job. So the only place I can really talk to anyone is on this forum.

If anyone has any ideas or thoughts on what would help at this junction it would be of great help. I plan to go to college and start working on my degree, no idea on what or how i'll afford it but...I gotta get one if I want any hope at all of having my life back in order.

Here's what I suggest:  You have to to go to college and start working on your degree, no idea on what or how you'll afford it but...you gotta get one if you want any hope at all of having your life be successful.

Oh.. but you already know that don't you?  College is great.  You can get the financial pieces in place.  It's fun!  You can be weird and everyone is cool (at least most).  Get into summer school if you can.  Get some government loans.

Do it.  You know that is the right thing to do.

Cindi

Angel,
When I lost my job I went to the local branch of the State unemployment office.
I told them I wanted to go back to school. They ask what college and what major?
I said a local college and a computer major. After fulling out some paper work they paid for 2 years worth and also my unemployment during that time period. That was in the state of Michigan under a retrain initiative.
Maybe Illinois has something similar. Won't hurt to check it out.
Oh and do get a new therapist ASP.
Jillieann

do what you feel you need to do to survive. It may appear to be a long road ahead but things will work out you.

Did you lose your job in Chicago because of your gender identity.  That is against the law in Illinois and you may want to contact Lambda.

With that being said you can get loans to go to college and finish school.

Thanks all for putting up with my latest rant. Here is how I beleive my life is going to go for now.

I will be calling wyoming university in the morn to see if my seat for the all semester is even open. Then I will be trying to pack as I just got my 5 day notice from the landlady. I'm pretty sure she will let me walk as she most likely knows she won't get her money from me as I can't pay it. i'll try and tie up the last loose ends as I do so.

Hopefully I can get my degree in three years and resume my transition, if i'm real lucky it will be sooner. But most likely it will be in three. I plan to get done what I can, but...

I hate this, I really don't want to go to some small town in the middle of nowhere and deal with my family and the smallmindness that I am almost positive will be present. That fact that I will have to always wear a sports bra to have a male chest is only making it worse. It feels like i'm losing ground and not gaining. But then again, sometimes a withdrawl is what one needs to muster the succesful charge. I don't plan on giving up, but I hate to wonder how much worse my body will be when I start again. Right now i'd be drinking till I was to numb to move, but I can't even afford a single beer. I feel the this urge will only intesify over the next few weeks.

Hopefully I can at least get my name changed before school starts. I'm going to smash this mask untill everyone will have no choice to recognize who I am. 

Oh, and I didn't lose my job due to being tg, I had pretty near breakdown and it didn't faze them. I lost my job because both myself and my former employers were overconfident in my experience and ability to perform the job. I made mistakes that on reflection I am ashamed of as I know what kind of excellence I bring to any of my work and that wasn't it. I lost my job for the right reasons this time, I have noone but myself to blame for not being able to control myself and let my emotions get the better of me.

So hopefully in the near future I can call myself a history teacher, and move somewhere where at least im tolorated to continue my transition. At least i'll still make my goal of being done by the time i'm 30, I hope. And thanks to everyone who was worried about me, I gotta stop posting like this, makes me sound all whiny and stuff.