Hey Internet!
So, yeah, hey. I'm Kia and I'm new to the forum although I have spent some time guest-lurking and figured it was time to take the next step. I suppose it would be customary for me to tell my story a bit, well I had a pretty uneventful childhood as an AMAB (thusly i have all those funky boy parts). I spent my early adolescence (9-10) watching my father slowly die from cancer. It was pretty awful, to the point where I would be afraid to walk in the door from school because I thought my brother and I might find out that he had died alone in the day. Thank God(s) that didn't happen and he passed when we where all present on a weekend morning.
I have always been a very intelligent and introspective person so watching that brought me face to face with my own mortality and I spent those formative years where teenagers were concerned with touching each other in the back of sedans reading about Buddhism, Socrates, Islam, Quantum Mechanics and a whole gamut of other things that I fell in love with. As a result I kind of skipped a head of my peers and have lived a pretty solitary lonely life getting close to myself "metaphysically". I floated through my all boy catholic highschool in an existential funk, I thought that I was messed up and that was why my romantic pursuits always floundered like a DPRK missile test. I felt that I didn't fit in with all the other testosterone infused dudes at my school and spent my extracurricular time hanging out with a bong and my friends because it made me realize that none of that mattered.
So anyway I graduated from that place and went to the other side of the nation (from California to Connecticut(in the USA)) to college where I majored in Martial Arts Studies. I had never done martial arts before but in high school I fell in love with martial arts philosophy esp. Bruce Lee, and i realized that my life was all theory and no practice so I decided that I would force myself into practice. But even there the practice was limited and only my karate sensei actually understood the martial arts, it was here that I got heavily in Taoism, Tai ch'i, and Qi Gung. I then transferred to a Buddhist inspired school in Colorado after a year. There I finally found the space to do the practice that I needed I began meditating and got involved in numerous and varied mystical paths and began studying religions and mysticism academically and dabbled in archaeology, anthropology, and chaos theory. And after a few months of serious personal contemplation I had a singular revelation, in the midst of an ecstatic yoga I heard myself say "I wish I had a vagina!". And it was like a bitch slap from the universe.
I had always, even as a little kid, been interested in the experience of the "opposite sex" and what it was like to have a vagina but I always told myself I just wanted to rent one not keep it (a thought that I found wasn't really common amongst the guys). But after that moment I was blown away and did what came naturally to me and that was take to the library and the internet for information. The book that allowed me to become comfortable with the label "Transgender" was
The Prehistory of Sex, enlightening. So after this shocking revelation I became aware that I was suffering from depression and anxiety as a result of hiding away behind a masculine male facade my whole life. I dropped out of school it became so bad and had to move back home after one and a half years in Co. a choice I'm not to excited about.
I continue my contemplation and practice as much as I can though it's awkward when your mother walks in on you trance dancing, or chanting nonsense words. I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now and have come out to her and my brother but that's it besides this here now.
My gender identity is pretty idiosyncratic and I don't like to categorize it but I've decided to explain it as Post-Queer TransFemme-Androgyne battling a cultural model that defines me based on preconceived notions of physicality and mentality. I'm not on hormones though I do intend to be soon and then go from there as far as surgeries and such.
Besides all that I love talking about life, humanity, weird stuff like bigfoot, conspiracy theories, smurfs, I have thoughts and opinions on most any subject so if you want to bounce theories, ideas, or general wacky-doodlery I'm the person for you. I love to read, I'm currently reading like six books right now. I consider myself an anime snob with a soft spot for soppy, cliche school romances, also love Adventure Time. I like to skate and have fun (who doesn't, right?) love most any kind of music... and uhm... thats kinda me in a nutshell.
Damn, that felt good.
