I have been out to my immediate family for 3 years but I have just been living around the rest of my family as a girl who has short hair and wears male clothing. I wish I had of come out to them 3 years ago too but Ive just been really really scared  Since I just started testosterone I know I need to tell them sooner rather than later! I wanted to send everyone a letter in the mail explaining it but my mum and dad think that is a bad idea because they think it will make my family be awkward around me next time I see them. They want me to come out in person and the next time I will be seeing most of my family again will be on Saturday, at my cousins Engagement Party.

I wasnt going to get up and announce it or anything, I was just going to go around and come out to each person separately. But is it the wrong time since it will be a party for my cousin? I definitely dont want to ruin their day or anything, I just dont know when the next time I would see my family would be. Maybe I could ring everyone on the phone? But isnt that sort of the same thing as a letter?

I think it'd be okay to tell everyone at the party separately depending on your relationship with your cousin, but it is her day and she could get upset if everything suddenly becomes about you.

I think calling people on the phone is different than a letter, because you can actually carry on a conversation. It might be better to call some people and write to others... I haven't come out to anyone yet, but I know I'd call my older sister and both aunts on the phone and actually tell them since we get a long quite well and I know telling them I am trans wouldn't be shocking at all, while I'd probably perfer to write letters to other family members who I barely speak to or who I know would need time to let things sink in.

It's up to you to come out as you want and feel most comfortable, and shouldn't change your plans just because your family thinks another way is better.

Ouch, tough one. I am in a similar situation where my husband's sister and her soon-to-be husband know, but no one else in the family yet does. (One of the 'perks' of transitioning in a foreign country I guess. The next time that part of the family will see me could be at my sister in law's wedding. She requested that we tell everyone before hand so that the gathering wouldn't be weird. Personally, I agree wholeheartedly and told her not to worry. It's her celebration, not my coming out party. I have a rule about not giving big news at any huge family gatherings since most of them (at least in my family) tend to be parties celebrating something. Holidays and celebrations are, in my mind, a terrible time to drop something like transition or coming out, especially if it is supposed to be a celebration for someone else. Couple that with most family gatherings tend to have some tension; it takes a lot of work to organize an event like that.

That being said, only you really know your family. I would talk to your parents and ask them if it really is appropriate to do so, since it an engagement party for someone else. Maybe suggest telling everyone after the event?

I would say a big DON'T DO IT! Trust me, there's nothing like a ticked off lady at her engagement party. Just do it by letter or phone. Regardless of how you tell them, the news is still the same, so they'll still be awkward the next time they see you. At least with a letter, you give them time to digest the news.

Don't ruin her special day. 

Yeah I really really really wouldnt want to ruin the day so maybe it is best that I dont say anything just in case.

Quote from: DianaP on February 04, 2013, 07:53:04 PM
Regardless of how you tell them, the news is still the same, so they'll still be awkward the next time they see you. At least with a letter, you give them time to digest the news.

Thats true! I think the letter would be easier because I can explain it better and because some of my uncles and aunties have children so they can read the letter as well. My parents are just being really weird about my transition right now. My dad was excited about me starting testosterone as soon as I turned 18 and today (the day after I started) he was saying that I havent thought about it enough and that I should stop and wait 4 more years  I think I want to go with the letter.

I agree with everyone else. If you do that the day will become about you...and she will be rightfully livid.

If your parents want you to do it in person I think it's their responsibility to help you. If they're not going to be there, help you decide how to go about it, and stand with you then I say do it whatever way you feel comfortable (letter, email, or whatever).

Quote from: Simon on February 04, 2013, 08:35:32 PM
If you do that the day will become about you...and she will be rightfully livid.

Okay, Simon's too afraid to use colloquial terms. Thus, in less classy wording, she will be rightfully super-duper-ultra-mega pissed!

...actually...

. That's more like it. 

I had this same dilemma, I have a very large extended family who I only really see at big family get togethers. Like others have said I wouldn't recommend coming out at a gathering like that - you'll be accused of stealing focus even if you aren't trying to. I had to attend a funeral/wake a few months after I came out and I was quietly and discretely using the male bathrooms - and some people made a big stink about how disrespectful it was to "make a scene" like that  -_-

What I did was tell all the "main" people individually either in person or with letters....and then made an announcement on facebook. By the time I did the facebook part the majority had already heard through other people.

I'm in a similar situation. It's gonna be my dad's birthday and we're gonna have lunch together with the extended family. I only see them once a year and I never missed it but I'm thinking to do that now. My dad would like me to come out during the gathering but I don't think it's a good idea. I don't know if I would ruin the "party" because my dad suggested me to come out on his own birthday. Anyway I think it would be weird.