I revealed the truth to a guy i was dating for about a month, we went out on 5 or 6 casual dates (nothing happened) but he seemed highly interested in me, and it was a great feeling that he didn't suspect anything at all, i was quite obviously passing swimmingly at those times- we texted every single day and talked as often as possible and i found myself really falling for him, because of that i chose to reveal the truth to him hoping with all my heart he would understand and accept me. He would tell me i was the most awesome girl he's ever dated and he could see himself long term with me so i told him today and he was shocked to say the least, he didnt react violently but he said "im not really looking for that type of thing" when i got home I texted him and asked him to forgive me for not telling him from the get go, I asked if he might reconsider all he said was "i wont date a delusional ->-bleeped-<-, I don't date guys who think butchering themselves actually makes them females" that crushed my soul like you wont believe  my dysphoria has never been as horrible as now, I hate to feel like im just a guy in a dress but that describes my feelings right now.

OMG yes it does!

I've had similar experience but he wasn't that rude and it really sent my dysphoria into overdrive, started to get dysphoric about things that I was OK with too (because I knew they were changing, I felt OK with them) but after that, not being born cis made me cry all night.

But it sounds like his prejudice would never let him get over it.. and unfortunately this is one of the things we have to deal with. I think it's best to tell people up front when pre-op to avoid the heartbreak and possibly abuse, some people will be able to deal with it.

However I still don't know how I will deal with it post-op, I think I would wait a few weeks to tell them, because there is no way they will tell so give them a chance to see if the relationship could go anywhere. I know some people don't agree with this but, you can find out some relationships aren't going anywhere in a few weeks, why deal with the rejection if it's possibly going to end?

I'm sorry Elsa, I hope you find someone more understanding in the future 

.

Quote from: Elsa.G on February 04, 2013, 08:17:19 PM
I revealed the truth to a guy i was dating for about a month, we went out on 5 or 6 casual dates (nothing happened) but he seemed highly interested in me, and it was a great feeling that he didn't suspect anything at all, i was quite obviously passing swimmingly at those times- we texted every single day and talked as often as possible and i found myself really falling for him, because of that i chose to reveal the truth to him hoping with all my heart he would understand and accept me. He would tell me i was the most awesome girl he's ever dated and he could see himself long term with me so i told him today and he was shocked to say the least, he didnt react violently but he said "im not really looking for that type of thing" when i got home I texted him and asked him to forgive me for not telling him from the get go, I asked if he might reconsider all he said was "i wont date a delusional ->-bleeped-<-, I don't date guys who think butchering themselves actually makes them females" that crushed my soul like you wont believe  my dysphoria has never been as horrible as now, I hate to feel like im just a guy in a dress but that describes my feelings right now.

What a douchebag. So sorry this happened. Hang in there sweetie and keep your head up.

*hugs*

Elsa, please accept a cyberhug from me.

And next time you think of him, give a silent prayer of thanks that you were saved from wasting even more of your time with the lunkhead. He is narrow-minded and judgmental and you were lucky to make your escape.

What a meanie!

Anyway, this reminds me of the best story, and perhaps the best tip, from one of my TG friends. She was pre-op, and she made it a note to tell the guy in public. At first I thought that she was out of her mind, but it gets good. Note that she passes flawlessly.

She told the guy that she was a pre-op transgender female. He got up and yelled something on the grounds of, "No way I'm dating a ->-bleeped-<-!"

Afterwards, while everyone was staring, she turned to the crowd and said the best thing ever: "Don't listen to him folks; he's just mad because I just broke up with him." *Rolls eyes*

The crowd gave him the biggest glare ever. Priceless! 

Quote from: Elsa.G on February 04, 2013, 08:17:19 PM
I revealed the truth to a guy i was dating for about a month, we went out on 5 or 6 casual dates (nothing happened) but he seemed highly interested in me, and it was a great feeling that he didn't suspect anything at all, i was quite obviously passing swimmingly at those times- we texted every single day and talked as often as possible and i found myself really falling for him, because of that i chose to reveal the truth to him hoping with all my heart he would understand and accept me. He would tell me i was the most awesome girl he's ever dated and he could see himself long term with me so i told him today and he was shocked to say the least, he didnt react violently but he said "im not really looking for that type of thing" when i got home I texted him and asked him to forgive me for not telling him from the get go, I asked if he might reconsider all he said was "i wont date a delusional ->-bleeped-<-, I don't date guys who think butchering themselves actually makes them females" that crushed my soul like you wont believe  my dysphoria has never been as horrible as now, I hate to feel like im just a guy in a dress but that describes my feelings right now.

Elsa don't let this ignorant A**H*** get to you. It's his loss for not getting to know you. You will meet some man that will sweep you off your feet.

Hugs
Bethany

It is what it is. I've been told that once (not that harshly) and you just have to shrug it off knowing that you AREN'T what he describes and that there are men that WILL accept you as the girl you are.

 

Don't let him get to you, his opinions are as worthless as they are stupid. They only have as much power as you give them. He's just mad and saying things to be hurtful because he feels like he was duped. Always best to be up front in relationships that way you meet a guy who loves you for what you are and not what he thinks you are.

I'm sorry that happened to you, people can be a-holes about it, that's for sure.  Your experience is why I don't even bother to date anyone, I don't want to deal with the reactions.

I'm so, so, so sorry to hear what happened (and you get a virtual hug from me as well).  I agree with agfrommd, it's probably best that you don't have somebody like that in your life.  Now get out there and find somebody better .

Would you want to be in a relationship with a guy like that anyways?  That comment is on par with the 12yo YouTube trolls.  Shows his maturity

Sorry to read that Elsa, that guy sounds like a real jerk. Just remember it's not what he says that defines the kind of person you are. People will be hateful and mean, but don't let them bring you down.

As per the question, with me it's not so much. I kind of had an experience where I came out to a guy recently and it just went ice cold, although without calling me names or being mean. I didn't really feel like "OMG, I'm ugly, nobody will date me."I actually felt like "if he's not comfortable with it, then eh." It's kind of a defense mechanism, but some people won't date smokers, the unemployed, outside their race, etc. If they're not comfortable dating a trans-person, I try not to get too offended. Such is life.

Also, my policy is to come out to them before the first kiss, so that I'm not thought to be "leading anyone on." I think you coming out when you did was about as close to ideal as possible. Dude needs to stop being a tool.

i would have to say yes. i have not had that problem yet as im new to dating but i agree with others no woman wants a guy like that anyways

He was an ignorant fool, never mind him. Really, don't mind him, as he was only trying to hurt you, nothing else. You were passing, he liked you, but being a fool, he just couldn't accept the fact, that there are different kind of people in the world.

Hugs!

Quote from: Aleah on February 04, 2013, 08:32:09 PM
I think it's best to tell people up front when pre-op to avoid the heartbreak and possibly abuse, some people will be able to deal with it.

However I still don't know how I will deal with it post-op

I don't think having SRS makes any difference on when you should tell them. He'll be either still be interested or he won't. And the ones willing to date a post-op will just ask.

My gosh that's awful and unfair of that guy to talk to you like that.

And I'm ftm and not the perspective you seek but rejection from men makes me feel like a monster and a failure, when it's based on my trans status. I feel you and I'm so sorry you were hurt like that.