Sun Feb 03, 2013 at 10:00 AM PST
The Honey And Vinegar of Pronouns

by laurustina

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/02/03/1184355/-The-Honey-And-Vinegar-of-Pronouns

High on the list of things I wish I could explain to people about children like mine, is the importance of pronouns. In general, we don't think about them all that much, but for those like my daughter Alice who spent fifteen years being labeled as my son Jordan, pronouns are incredibly important.  Respect, acceptance and kindness can be demonstrated or withheld in the simplest of terms.

He or she.
Him or her.

In April of 2008, I'm trying to get Alice sorted out in school and find a local GP who can manage her HTR (Hormone Replacement Therapy). After three weeks, I finally find a local doctor who has some experience with transgender patients. I make an appointment for the same day that we're meeting with the Principal and School Psychologist.

Alice has been on Independent Study since I approached the Principal three weeks ago with news of her transition. More than anything, I want her back in the classroom, but I need to know that she's going to have the support of the school's staff. The resource teacher Lucy Cho has been on our side from the beginning, but Principal Marks seems positively terrified of taking a stand or making a decision. Alice spent an hour with the school's psychologist Mr. Brandt last week and from her mood afterwards, I suspect it did not go well.

I just read and savoured every word of this article and another relating to later.

It's really worth it. But so wish the rest was available or even some indication of where to find it all.

Jill, the whole story of Alice is here. I have to tell you, it is gut wrenching. Hugs, Devlyn

http://laurustina.com/the-complicated-geography-of-alice/

I just cried reading that part. I could not handle reading anymore.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on February 04, 2013, 09:53:19 AM
Jill, the whole story of Alice is here. I have to tell you, it is gut wrenching. Hugs, Devlyn

http://laurustina.com/the-complicated-geography-of-alice/

Thank you Devlin. I will read it.

I never knew Alice personally but through her mom's writing, which moved me when I read it all a year ago, I feel like I do. She's one of the reasons I look out for the young ones whenever I can.

This story inspired me and has made me even more determined to find a way to come out and transition completely.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on February 04, 2013, 09:53:19 AM
Jill, the whole story of Alice is here. I have to tell you, it is gut wrenching. Hugs, Devlyn

http://laurustina.com/the-complicated-geography-of-alice/

Just finished The Boy Suit.

That's how to write.

search laurustina, I've re-posted 10 of her blogs about Alice here. They always move me to tears!

Z

Quote from: MadelineB on February 04, 2013, 11:14:08 AM
I never knew Alice personally but through her mom's writing, which moved me when I read it all a year ago, I feel like I do. She's one of the reasons I look out for the young ones whenever I can.

You and me both, kiddo.

I don't like losing a single one.

This was Alice

Alice's story is just so damned sad. And as evidence by this particular article, this Mr Brandt character is in serious denial and should not be working with children. I'd even go so far as to say he should be named in a wrongful death suit.

What a monster.

This is profoundly upsetting to me.

I have a student who is obviously genderqueer. (I'll use the "she" pronoun in my story because I haven't been asked differently and she goes by a female name, but there are issues there.)

Earlier this year, she cut all her hair off. Her father characterized it as an accident while trying out a new hairstyle, but I believe differently.

I spoke to her guidance counselor who confirmed she was having "gender issues" and that her parents were not supportive. I took her aside at that point and, without outing myself, told her that if she had anything she wanted to talk about, I would be happy to listen. She assured me she was fine.

She is now out for an extended absence, the details of which I'm not entirely privy to.

I'm not sure how to reach out to her or be an ally in her life. The realities of high school have made us adversaries. I'm required to speak to her about work she doesn't complete, with makes me out in her mind to be uncaring and demanding.

For obvious reasons, Alice's story raises grave concerns.

Quote from: Constance on February 05, 2013, 10:36:03 AM
Alice's story is just so damned sad. And as evidence by this particular article, this Mr Brandt character is in serious denial and should not be working with children. I'd even go so far as to say he should be named in a wrongful death suit.

What a monster.

Sadly, I doubt he will suffer any consequences of his clearly disgraceful actions, such is the autonomy of these people.

But this story should I hope, strengthen our resolve to bring a serious change in society's thinking. Here in the UK, there is a vote today, in Parliament, on so called ' Gay Marriage'. It hasn't yet taken place, but the opponents are bound by nothing more than tradition.

We can all understand and respect tradition. But this is unnecessary and archaic restrictions upon an entire group of people for no good reason than they are different.

A small step forward. But the expectation that our children will preferably conform to a gender stereotype is and should be, utterly unacceptable.

Wow, I was enjoying the story up until the line

QuoteAfter Alice's death, she stops using her name and pronouns for her altogether, finally referring to Alice  simply as "the child".

Didn't expect that. Hoped I was reading wrong. Haven't read any more of Alice's story yet but already sad. Poor girl. I hope she found peace.

Maybe it's me - but I still don't understand how she died...

But I feel that her story is just too painfull - I really want to read the complete story.

Ugh....

I can't read these they make me so depressed. 

you ought to read the part about the breastforms: laurustina.com/on-the-loose/

that part made me smile although I still feel sad when I read about her.

Quote from: Alexia6 on February 05, 2013, 12:14:43 PM
Maybe it's me - but I still don't understand how she died...

But I feel that her story is just too painfull - I really want to read the complete story.

I don't think that Laurustina has posted all of the details yet. From what I've been able to gather following her blog, Alice killed herself. I just don't know how yet.

Quote from: Alexia6 on February 05, 2013, 12:14:43 PM
Maybe it's me - but I still don't understand how she died...

But I feel that her story is just too painfull - I really want to read the complete story.

In one of the earlier entries she died of Onycontin overdose.
And yea they are all sad and painfull to read.

Quote from: Marcia on February 05, 2013, 12:42:24 PM

Quote from: Alexia6 on February 05, 2013, 12:14:43 PM
Maybe it's me - but I still don't understand how she died...

But I feel that her story is just too painfull - I really want to read the complete story.

In one of the earlier entries she died of Onycontin overdose.
And yea they are all sad and painfull to read.

OMG