I am really new at this.  I still have not come out of the closet.  I am 40, but have known that i always wanted to be female ever since I was 8.  Is there any way you can feminize yourself without going to a doctor for HRT?  Does anything work?  Does transfemme work?  How about phyoestrogens?  I am not 100% ready to tell anyone as my wife would definitely divorce me and take my kids away (which would devistate me).  Please help

I'm not married and never have been, so don't take my words as gospel.

I'm guessing those things you're referring to are over the counter supplements, in which case, I'd be shocked if they did anything other than cost you money.

The only thing I can really think of that might not set a spouse on edge would be to grow you hair longer if possible. I have married male friends that have gotten laser done on their facial hair because they were tired of shaving 5 times a day. If that's not something she'd get angry over, it would be worth a go. It's amazing how much removing facial hair does to feminize your face. You could take up cycling and shave your legs to "reduce your surface area and increase speed".

I really can't think of anything else that won't cross a gender trend and raise suspicion.

I'm not so sure now it is such a good idea to hide it from your wife, mine was more upset that I was going behind her back. You might first want to have a therapist so you can work on how best to include her in whatever you need to do.  And also just have a therapist to find out what exactly it is you're wanting to do, if you don't know yet.  It may be something you can address while keeping everything intact; being trans* isn't all-or-nothing, it is a huge spectrum.  Best of luck.

Have to agree with Orihime

#5 is tricky... she will definitely wonder what is up with that, and also complain about the stubble.

 Locate a good therapist he/she will help find your female spirit then work on fulling it. You may have a lot of choices to consider.  Best of luck

Thanks to all who replied.  That was very nice of everyone.
I think this is a great site for support.

You see , I am in a pickle.  My wife just doesn't understand this stuff at all.  She has an unbelievable temper, and this would DEFINITELY throw her off the edge.  She would probably try to embarass me in public.  I know this cause she resented when I got a nipple piercing 20 years ago.  She still mentions it to me to embarass me.  (No I am not in the greatest of relationships, but I love my kids dearly and could not pass a day without seeing them.)
Therefore, I have to stay in the closet, but this whole transition consumes my thoughts day and night.
Has anyone tried transfemme?  Does it work, or is it a total waste of money.  Is there any HRT I can get without perscriptions?  I do take spironolactone for my kidney disease prescribed by nephrologist (only down to 25% function), but my potassium spiked very high.  Is transitioning or HRT safe for kidney disease?  How about phenoestrogens like Dung Quoi, yam, etc., etc.....do they work?
Sorry for all the questions but I have not talked to anyone regarding this.  This is the first site I have actually mentioned this to anyone.  Thanks again

Quote from: trav8 on February 07, 2013, 11:11:24 PM
Therefore, I have to stay in the closet, but this whole transition consumes my thoughts day and night. Has anyone tried transfemme?  Does it work, or is it a total waste of money.  Is there any HRT I can get without perscriptions?

Tried to google transfemme, but couldn't really locate any realiable info what it contains. However, I would think it's safe to say, that it doesn't work, otherwise this forum would not discuss anything else

Regarding HRT, if you start that, there is no way that your wife wont notice the changes. In 3 to 6 months she would be wondering what has changed you and going like that behind her back is bound to cause conflict.

You really sound like many other ts in that the transition takes most of your thoughts. In that case, the thoughts and the feeling is not going to go away, no matter how much you wish that.

What I mean, is that you really need to find someway to communicate with your wife, no matter how painful it will be.

I never tried transfemme but I did try herbal supplements.  I took them religiously for more than a year and they nothing for me other than make me realize that if I really want this then I was going to have to do what was necessary to make it happen.  Also with you I would worry about what effect all those supplements might have on your kidneys.  For them to be at all "effective" you have to take a lot!