Hi Everyone,

It's Friday night. I'm in Nicki mode. I'm listening to a few tunes. Suddenly I'm dancing around the lounge room like I haven't in years ... and loving it   

In boy mode I never dance, too embarrassed and/or not interested. 

The real me emerging again 

Woo hoo!

Hugs

Nicki xxx

Sounds like fun.

Hi Spacial,

Yes, I'm having a ball, with only a very minor amount of alcohol involved  But as a professional graphic designer who relies on emotions and feelings to create work, I start to wonder just what else have I been hiding from the world ....

I can't wait to unleash Nicki on a permanent basis 

xxx

Way to go girl! I've always thought dancing is more fun when you're a girl 

Have fun!!!

Good for you Nicki!

For years I have been a good dancer, maybe a great dancer.

I never really gave it a lot of thought till I clued in why.

Well it is no secret that the world thinks most men suck at dancing.

So I guess not really being one is probably why I both like to dance and actually can.

I never had a problem dancing with the girls ie going up on the dance floor and just enjoying the fact I was the only male body there. But then I suppose I just felt 'comfortable' dancing as one of the girls.

I have been told I dance like a girl. A much delayed thank you I suppose is in order

But alas, my home town, it is devoid of decent dance locations, especially for my age, where I think they expect me to go to boring pseudo country dances (yuck). Currently, I go for walks, and I listen to my tunes (actually my son's tunes, he has great tastes). I am generally in my own world, and I like walking at night, alone, and in my mind I am at a night club and I am wearing a to die for outfit, and I am dancing like I could when I was young.

And regardless of my lack of interest, the thing is, a great mental image requires that I am driving the guys wild with my moves, and getting a lot of flirting in, but really, that is just my mind saying, well of course, I look incredible after all.

I wish I really could go dancing, but my disability would be incredibly angry with me the next day.
And I live in a lot of fear of pain. I recall when I moved last, I was so exhausted and totally spent, that for 2 weeks I was dangerously suicidal, and it took me a full year to get over the shock of the effort from moving.

So a night out on the town, I suppose that is likely condemned to only happen in my imagination.

Hi Lesley_Roberta,

I'm sorry to hear that dancing is not an option for you, I hope for you that one day it may be.

For me, from the age of 17 until I was 22, (when I moved from England to Australia), I was all girl, (at least in my mind). I had long blonde hair in a pony tail and danced all the time, but I panicked, got a flat top and retreated in to boy mode so as to safely survive living in a new country. Dancing, femininity and real emotional evolvement disappeared from my life. I did come out to my SO when first met within 3 weeks of arrival in Oz, and for a while Nicki was alive and well but she (my SO) said that she would rather that I stayed in boy mode so I reluctantly complied.

25 odd years later, here I am, I have re come out to my SO, and Nicki is starting to remerge again, along with all the emotions, joys and now dancing that she needs 

I hope that you find some relief from the disability that afflicts you, I do understand what pain management entails as I am currently looking after my mother who is in a similar situation from a car accident 15 years  ago. It's very difficult.

gentle hugs

Nicki xxx

My wife and I met at a dance.  She was a ballroom instructor, I had rhythm and wanted to learn.  We even competed for a while.  Now, 20 years after that first meeting, we still dance.  When we got to a certain level, I had to start learning the woman's steps and the woman's movements so that I could lead them and put myself where I needed to be.  Dancing as a woman is so much more fun.  That is one big thing I look forward to doing once I get up the nerve to go out in public as myself - dancing as me - Jennifer.