I have mistakenly passed all my life.

The first time I shaved was just a couple of days shy of my 18th birthday. Yes, it was an awful mass of terribleness and I'm glad there are virtually no pictures from those days. However, even while being staggeringly Amish, I still got ma'am'd face to face by people. The whole reason I was growing the beard out like that was to stop the ma'aming, as my macho denial. But it kept going because I'm short and had long hair.


When I spent last fall in and around Seattle, because of the different style of dress, while wearing male clothing and using my normal voice, and no makeup, no accessories, I was ma'am'd dozens upon dozens of times. I don't recall any sirs, probably because I don't want to  . But moments stand out to me. Waiting to get on a bus that just pulled up, a group of guys my age was there about to get on, and one of the guys said "Dude, let her on first." Or when I was at Wendy's at sea-tac airport and the woman at the register accidentally asked for the order of the elderly man who was behind me in line. He looks me square in the face and said something about being after this young lady. Almost every time I used the restroom and a guy came in after me, he'd see me and leave, then sheepishly come back in. One time three guys in a row did it while I was washing some grease off my hands. All in all, being up in WA was a delightful experience. 

Heck, two weeks ago back here in Texas. I was buying beer at a convenience store and got the joke this girl was making at the expense of her boyfriend and laughed, "see! she gets it!" as she looks me in the eye and smiles. I just smiled and laughed more.

On the phone I think I've been 'sirred' 5 times in the last 10 years, and that's not an exaggeration.


I don't have a female voice at all. I have a rather soft male face, but it's a guy's face. I've made no steps towards transitioning other than shaving. But I've had long hair all my life, I'm 110 pounds before you count my metal implants, no muscles, and I'm about 5'4.

Some people really don't pay that much attention at all in every day life. I've actually wondered if these people don't think I'm one damn ugly woman  I mean, anyone who actually looks at me should realize what I am biologically, but it's happened so often and for so long that my mother flies into a rage at whoever does it if she's present.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say, other than it seems like the most key factor for passing in my experience (not that I've ever actually tried to pass) is to have a small frame because half the people out there don't seem to even look at a person's face when they interact with them. I have mixed feelings about this, both because the thought of "Haha, I passed accidentally!" is half the time replaced in my mind with "...I bet he thinks I'm ugly!" and because I feel like if I do begin transitioning, I'll develop a false sense of achievement at first because of how little attention most people pay, then some perceptive person will see right through it and it'll be an awful experience. The other thing I think about is that people ma'am me then have doubts and are too embarrassed to correct themselves because I don't correct them.

Meanderings.

people subconsciously decide if someone is male or female before their conscious mind can decide. At that point they will go with their subconscious unless there is some sort of tell-tale sign to the contrary. Evidently you have several things in your favor so no matter what you think is male there is more things that appear female to the outside world.

It's just a reflection of what you are on the inside. 

Cindi

Quote from: Cindi Jones on June 03, 2007, 11:48:02 PM
It's just a reflection of what you are on the inside. 

Cindi

If I could wholly believe that, it'd be the biggest boost of confidence and determination in the world. It seems like too simple of an answer though, nothing else in this mixed up quagmire seems to be that easy.

Hey... ever hear of Occam's Razor?  It is a principle that states essentially that "All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the best one."

Really.

Can you think of any other reason that is more simple for the phenomena you presented?

Cindi

Somehow I forgot to reply here. Losing my mind.

Occam's Razor is beautiful. It's a great piece of wisdom. Yet somehow, what seems the simplest is that people are just oblivious to others, rolling through their days concerned with their own business, just glancing at the world around them. Somehow what you propose sounds too good to be true. And there's that old adage about things being too good to be true...

But then, logic rarely dictates our paths. And sometimes we should just take compliments when we can get them. 

Actually I know exactly how Autumn feels.  This happened to me until from when I was 14-21.  At 21 I cut my hair for a job interview I think.  Worst decision of my life.  I dressed fairly androgynous.  I was 5'9" and between 135-145lbs (I am 5'8" 149 lbs now, I have literally lost an inch). 

My face has not changed much since I was a teenager, in fact it has rounded out.  I did get a ton of facial hair though at 21-22, which became a pain.  Luckily most of its gone now. 

It is a very weird experience that I think very few MtF TS have growing up.  I embraced it as much as I could, because back then...well I did not know about transitioning, and it was what I could get to make me happy.  I have noticed though, because I did have this experience I am less self conscious than others early in transition (I know I complain about my hair alot on these board, but still my point remains). 

The reality is the sirs did not start to come until the last couple of years, when my hair started to rapidly fall out.  Then it got really annoying.  I was not used to it, it really hurt. 

I got Ms.'d alot too.  It was nice to hear for the first time in ages it again.  I missed it quite a bit. 

The funny thing is most of my friends treated me more like a girl then a guy even before I started transitioning, and when I heard about people talking about me during my college years...they described me as extremely effeminate.  I had no desire to be macho, and I did not have macho denial.  The funny thing is this never stopped even as I got older and I began to look more male. Luckily the male looks, quite a bit of them faded with hair removal. 


Autumn feel lucky.  Passing without HRT is a gift, which means you will really pass with HRT.  You also know how it is to be treated as a female to some degree.  Transitioning may be easier as a result. 

I had the same thing but not a dainty girl, i'm 6'1.

Like many of you young guns, I was passing in my early 20's, with no makeup, just changing my clothes and attitude, but males lose more facial fats than women with age and the complexion gets rougher, and by 39, I could not pass as easily anymore without makeup.  (I had hair to what my female waist, which considering I'm 6 foot is very very long hair, took 5 years to grow it that long, could have done it faster with less trimming in theory, but the ends would have split and it would have been a mess),

But, estrogen pumps up the fat and clears the complexion and within 4 months I was back to my I early 20's passing ability YAY!.

I was "mistaken" for a girl from a baby on up until I started lifting weights (had to try and get rid of the girl I was, dontcha know). I used to hate being called a girl or miss because it made me feel like they could see through the male disguise that I was trying to wear. I went a little overboard with trying to be a guy so that i could try and fit in but failed even then. HRT was a relief as I started to lose some of the muscle mass and grown my hair out a bit. One friend who I lost took me with him to listen to his band practise (they needed a lot of it) and I was trying to be a guy (albeit one with long hair with streaks of teal and earrings) but that ended with one statement from the drummer (who had never met me before), "She won't be able to read in here." He felt that their noise would be too loud for me to comfortably read the manual I was going through.

Those who can pass without the HRT and/or voice training, enjoy the bit of a jump. More importantly, everyone just enjoy life.

Yeah, I was in my 30's when people stopped calling me 'sir'. I think that's how I managed to live in denial for so long, so it was both a blessing and a curse.

Dennis

Yeah, I have been fortunate to be "mistaken" for a girl all of my life. I remember when I cut my hair in the spring of 2000 (the result of a botched self cutting job, alcohol and hair styling do not mix), even though I had a "boy" cut I was still called "her" a lot of the time. To say that I was happy is an understatement. The weird thing about all of this is everyone that knows me says: "you do not look like a girl". But, if that were true then why do I get reffered to as mam and miss by strangers??? There have been countless times that I have been with people at gatherings or people will see pics of me and they say: "oh, who is she?" or "I have never met her". I don't know.....maybe the people that know me are in denial OR they think that if they call me a girl I will get mad or something, of course that could not be further from the truth.