So I'm not really sure how to start this thing off to the delicacy of the subject in which I am writing about, so ill just jump right into it. You see a few years back when I was about 14 I realized something was wrong with me. The problem was that I didn't like sports, fighting or wrestling, or most other typical male activities. I started getting an almost empty feeling inside whenever I saw a woman, feeling almost envious of her beauty, charm, and how she could go through life so, so fulfilled with herself and her appearance. Then I looked at myself and saw something I didn't want, or to be more exact 3 things I didn't want, or even need. At the time I thought it was just my hormones altering my mindset while aroused, but gradually the feeling became more and more commonplace during the day, making me have to abandon the idea of it being a part of puberty, thinking puberty doesn't do this; otherwise girls would act like guys and vice versa.
Then one day I was searching for music at a friends house a few month after Id turned 15, and I came upon the case of a German Pop Star named Kim Petras, and as I continued looking I watched one of her music videos on YouTube and I scrolled down to look at the comments, and I learned she had been born a boy and had after taking hormones had had Sex Reassignment Surgery at 16. But I thought she couldn't have been born a boy, she looked so feminine, and her voice was clearly that of a girl, I couldn't understand it.
After learning that it wasn't just some random thing, and that I wasn't alone when it came to my problem, I mentioned Petras to my friend and he said she was a freak, and referred to her as an it, which surprised me because he is usually a great guy to hang out with. Seeing his reaction I had to say I agreed with him, although I felt the entire opposite was true. So after I left his house I thought it would be humiliating and considered a freak if anyone knew of my true thoughts, and tried to suppress them, even to myself, but I couldn't, thankfully however I was able to keep it contained to only my knowing.
A few months later I moved from a small country school and living with my dad to the city where I moved in with my mom, and the first week I was there (I think it was Thursday), I turned 16. At my moms new house I was finally able to use the internet full time without fear of being caught, and I began looking more into my problem. After I had done some researching, I realized that it was possible to someday get out of this male body and become what I had always wanted. So I began saving up money for my transition, which I have planned to start sometime in the near future when I have enough money and moved to a new town, where I can start my life over, this time the right way.
