As of yesterday, I'm officially divorced and have primary physical custody of my daughter.

This is both good and bad. I'll be under quite a bit of scrutiny, anything I do that's "not in the best interest of my daughter" could be used against me. But it's also good because my wife was quite neglectful and, as I found out after the separation, abusive when I wasn't around.

Visitation is as minimal as I could get it, too. All that's left is... figuring out what to do and whether or not transition is a possibility or not now.

I say go for it. That is just this chick's opinion though

This is true. I have to do what's best for my daughter, and if I'm not taking care of myself AND being true to myself, I'm setting a very poor example. On grounds of morality I feel obligated to transition. On the other hand, I'm in the Greenville/Spartanburg South Carolina area, there's almost no support (that I can see) and I don't really know what I should be doing, despite my endless research. o-O;

But at least I have a name! Heheh...

Hrm, this is one of the few instances I would advice thinking really hard about transitioning now. It honestly depends a lot on your age, your daughters age and how *ahem* abusive the mother was.

I phrase it like that because it is a very sad and very real possibility to loose custody from what I understand. I suppose also where and in what courts this would be occurring at. (no need to tell me, I honestly have no idea where would be best.)

Ah, S.Carolina. Perhaps not the best location at the best of situations but I am unsure of that.


Ok, I think it depends most on both how long you can keep mental sane, and how long it will take your daughter to be old enough both to understand and be able to survive you possibly loosing custody. This is for staying in the same location.


If perhaps moving would change which court system such custody hearings would be held at then perhaps relocate to someplace that you have talked to that will not discredit you for transitioning. I.e. Do research now and for heaven sake make sure about that before you do anything.


I thought it was kind of odd that I felt I should look at this topic, I suppose I understand now...

Blessed Be kiddo, you have your trials cut out for you. But know this, you ARE strong enough and I have faith in you.

If you have documented proof that the mother is worthless then you should have no problem with transitioning. Once you have your friends, family, and employer supporting you, you will have a strong case supporting you. There is always moving to a better location if the current one is not conducive in your opinion.

We tend to find every reason in the world not to live in our preferred gender roles. Why is it that we we don't see the reasons why instead of why not?

Well, I have this plan, see...

I'm going to document (impartially) every time my daughter visits my ex-wife, how long it is, and how she's acting when she gets home.

On the normal, it's only 2-4 hours per week (no joke)... and she comes home grouchy and uncooperative. That's kind of putting it lightly. If I can show that she's not an active part of her life, it shouldn't matter whether I'm transsexual or not.

It helps that she willingly gave up custody knowing fully well I'm transsexual, even though that's not part of the divorce agreement.

If... if I can hold of a year or two (I'm 26, will be 27 in October) and have all of this documented... well, it'll help me out a lot. But I don't know how I can hold off any longer, either. I just have to remind myself that my daughter is more important than anything.

Quote from: Renae Lupini on June 08, 2007, 10:33:16 AM
If you have documented proof that the mother is worthless then you should have no problem with transitioning. Once you have your friends, family, and employer supporting you, you will have a strong case supporting you. There is always moving to a better location if the current one is not conducive in your opinion.

We tend to find every reason in the world not to live in our preferred gender roles. Why is it that we we don't see the reasons why instead of why not?

OH believe me I want to and I'm more than ready. The hardest part is location, and I'm not exactly swimming in a sea of money. Moving isn't easy! I see all the reasons why and only one "why not".

Not saying that you have to transition right away but you may be able to simply come out to people who are close to you including your daughter, and let them know what your plans are. When I came out it was way before I actually started doing any major changes at all. Everyone, including my daughter, took it much better knowing upfront what was going to happen. My ex flipped out at first (that is an understatement) but now she calls me by Renae and uses female pronouns. that is because my daughter would correct her if she didn't.

You are in a position of having a child that trusts and believes in you. They have no socially ingrained bigotry towards any of the GLBT community. Be open and honest about your intentions and always keep an open dialog between yourself and your daughter. Things are going to work out just fine for the both of you.

Thank you. You offer sound solid advice. ;]

Quote from: Tak on June 08, 2007, 03:22:29 PM
Thank you. You offer sound solid advice. ;]

You are most welcome