Just glancing at your posts I think you have other issues going on. for nearly every person who's story I have read here, they all have a basic pattern. Yours doesn't seem to fit. I think you have other issues to work on before you ever even consider transition. But, here's some food for thought.
Transition is a very hard path to walk. You'll lose friends, family, jobs and sometimes everything. No matter how hard you try to hold on to everything, you will lose something that will break your heart. The grass isn't greener on the other side. All you are doing is switching one set of problems for another. If you go in half-assed or think it will be a walk in the park, you are way wrong. There's not a girl here that hasn't cried their heart out because they had the strength to stand up and be true to themselves and someone has tried to knock them back down. Some of their stories are nightmares.
Hormones are not a magic pill. They only change your body and affect your emotional state and can even affect your sex drive. They wont turn you into someone else or that girl you thought was hot from that TV show. more like a relative like a Sister or cousin to our former selves. Many of us finally see the real us in the mirror, or as close to it as possible. Some have facial surgery, breast augmentation, tracheal shave and / or surgery on the vocal chords also on top of the cost of SRS to achieve it. The medical bills alone for surgery are huge.
When someone has SRS, it should be because they thought it through very carefully. If you're happy with your genitals, more power to you. If you don't want to transition, that's okay too. But don't even consider it thinking doing it on a whim or because, "it looked like fun being a girl." You will regret it.
So, if you are still serious after thinking on all that, find a therapist. And good luck on your path.
There are 2 reasons that I'm not having SRS.
1. I made a promise that I wouldn't.
2. the cost.
