I never really thought that I would have to be out as trans until last week.  My plan was to be finish this college year as female, got to a different sixth form and be male.  I knew there would be one or two people from the school I was at last year there but they would be in the year above -- I'll be in a year below what I should be because I made a bad decision with what I studied this year and am changing tack and doing that year again -- and I hoped we wouldn't have much contact.  We were never friends, or even really ever spoke to each other, so it didn't bother me.  I thought that pretty much no one from my previous school would go to this sixth form because there's a better one -- out of my easy travel range but I live in the sticks and almost all of them live in the next town to it -- but I saw on twitter that at least one person had applied.

That didn't bother me until I got recognised on Friday by someone from my old school.  I'd hoped that after the best part of a year they would have forgotten me, but clearly not.  It doesn't help that my surname is pretty unique, I was going to change it, but decided that it does actually fit with my chosen name and it would be easier on my parents.

There are other places I could go, but again, there are people there who knew me, albeit from pre-2007.  I recognise them though, so they might recognise me, or again, my surname.  I'm not too keen on going there either because it's more of a school environment, and I've been used to a more relaxed college one for a year, and don't want to do back into that regimented place again.  My freedom is important to me, and I like being able to make decisions of when to come and go instead of just following bells and the crowd.  Anywhere else would involve getting up at 6am, or earlier, and would be harder to get into as they have catchment zones which get priority.

So basically there are going to be people there who could recognise me as female, or at least recognise my surname, which is going to blow my cover as stealth.  What's it like to live like that?  I don't want to be known as the "tr*nny", or still be seen as female.  I thought this would be a clean break for me.

And I thought everything was planned so well...

I have always been open about being trans. I mean I didn't flaunt it or anything but if it came up I would tell people and so that meant that everyone at my high school and work knew because people love to gossip. I'm not complaining. The way I always saw it was that I would rather people see me as a freak than a girl. After I graduated college I realized I wanted to be able to pass and finally start hormones and everything I've been putting off before I got a real job(I work at a grocery store right now) so I could go in stealth. So I did the name change and started hormones and couldn't change environments so everyone at my work knows what I'm doing. It's one thing to tell people I want to be a guy but it's another to tell people I'm taking hormones and turning into a guy and please start changing the name and pronouns you've been using for the last 4 years. And yet still I have not run into any adversity or negativity. Everyone calls me by my new name all the time and more and more people are getting the pronoun down. I believe how often they slip on the pronoun is a good indication of what gender they see me as because it's something that is so subconscious it's hard to control. I only started transitioning six months ago and already so many people who knew me as female for years never miss the pronoun so I really believe they see me as male now(granted the lower voice and changing facial features help too).

Anyways you wouldn't have to worry about changing the way people saw you because most people wouldn't know you yet. Just because no one has ever teased me or given me any grief for being trans doesn't really mean much for you or really anyone else. I'm from Massachusetts and people tend to be really liberal and accepting here. I obviously have no idea how accepting people are in the UK(I'm pretty sure that's where you live). I guess my point is just that people can be more accepting than they get credit for.

I know many trans people have faced discrimination and adversity and maybe I am a little naive because I have never had to deal with this. However, I also know people are more apt to speak about bad experiences than good ones, me included, I never posted about how amazing everyone has been but I bet if someone was hassling me I would have made a post about it. My managers at work have been more amazing than I could have ever dreamed of and maybe someday I'll make a post about the details but I think I've already said way too much not relevant to your question.

I think if people first see you as male than they will continue to see you that way even if they find out. And I would give people the benefit of the doubt. If people do find out and you answer their questions(people always have questions) and be open and honest about how you want them to treat you I really believe they'll be understanding. It's who you are as a person that matters and I believe most people know that. But like I said I can only speak to how people are in my area and maybe I am a little naive or optimistic.

Wow. That sucks Alexander. I've never been in that situation. But probably the best thing is to just act like it's no big deal to anyone who recognizes you or brings it up. If you act casual about it, they will too. Still sucks when you'd planned on being stealth. How much longer do you have to go there?

OK, so some people may recognise your face. Some might recognise your distinctive surname. Do you intend to socialise with them? What will you do if any of them try to socialise with you?

In my experience, people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't pay as much attention to the people around them as you might think. If you're recognised, it's up to you whether you want to socialise with them. A nod and a 'hi' whilst continuing to walk away may be the simplest way to remain stealth. They probably won't realise you've changed your name: do you know the names of everyone in all the other classes, including the ones you recognise? Probably not.

If they do try to chat with you, you could either tell them that you're using a different name now (it's up to you if you want to explain why)... or you could always pretend to be your own cousin.

Remember: even if it all goes wrong, Sixth Form is only temporary and you'll probably never see any of those kids again so you will have other chances to go completely stealth.

I've found that most people get over the novelty of it pretty quickly and treat you like a normal guy, and the ones who don't end up looking silly themselves.

Quote from: Felix on February 13, 2013, 07:37:38 AM
I've found that most people get over the novelty of it pretty quickly and treat you like a normal guy, and the ones who don't end up looking silly themselves.

This is a good way to think about it  and I'm glad you said this.

There's a person I have to deal with sometimes that refers me by my new name with finger quotes in the air like I'm the one being silly, now I'll just think about like they're the ones being that way.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on February 13, 2013, 06:53:33 AM
In my experience, people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't pay as much attention to the people around them as you might think.

I think this is absolutely true.

When you see this people you know from before Alexander, you could just be sorta distant, like acknowledge them with a head nod or something only and then walk away.  Seems sorta rude, but what else can do you in this situation? They only matter as much as you let them.

Quote from: Alex308 on February 13, 2013, 01:18:32 AM
I have always been open about being trans. I mean I didn't flaunt it or anything but if it came up I would tell people and so that meant that everyone at my high school and work knew because people love to gossip. I'm not complaining. The way I always saw it was that I would rather people see me as a freak than a girl. After I graduated college I realized I wanted to be able to pass and finally start hormones and everything I've been putting off before I got a real job(I work at a grocery store right now) so I could go in stealth. So I did the name change and started hormones and couldn't change environments so everyone at my work knows what I'm doing. It's one thing to tell people I want to be a guy but it's another to tell people I'm taking hormones and turning into a guy and please start changing the name and pronouns you've been using for the last 4 years. And yet still I have not run into any adversity or negativity. Everyone calls me by my new name all the time and more and more people are getting the pronoun down. I believe how often they slip on the pronoun is a good indication of what gender they see me as because it's something that is so subconscious it's hard to control. I only started transitioning six months ago and already so many people who knew me as female for years never miss the pronoun so I really believe they see me as male now(granted the lower voice and changing facial features help too).

Anyways you wouldn't have to worry about changing the way people saw you because most people wouldn't know you yet. Just because no one has ever teased me or given me any grief for being trans doesn't really mean much for you or really anyone else. I'm from Massachusetts and people tend to be really liberal and accepting here. I obviously have no idea how accepting people are in the UK(I'm pretty sure that's where you live). I guess my point is just that people can be more accepting than they get credit for.

I don't know how liberal it is around here really, none of the out gay people that I know have faced any, or much, discrimination at least, but it's one thing being gay and another being trans.  I'm pre-T but I like to think I pass fairly well, albeit younger than I should, which is going to potentially raise questions if people find out that I'm a year older than them all as well, and my "hormone problem" that I was planning to just mutter might not cut it anymore if people are going to find out that my "hormone problem" is actually being born female.

It's good to hear that people have treated you well, and you're getting on T and it's working well for you.

Quote
I know many trans people have faced discrimination and adversity and maybe I am a little naive because I have never had to deal with this. However, I also know people are more apt to speak about bad experiences than good ones, me included, I never posted about how amazing everyone has been but I bet if someone was hassling me I would have made a post about it. My managers at work have been more amazing than I could have ever dreamed of and maybe someday I'll make a post about the details but I think I've already said way too much not relevant to your question.

I think if people first see you as male than they will continue to see you that way even if they find out. And I would give people the benefit of the doubt. If people do find out and you answer their questions(people always have questions) and be open and honest about how you want them to treat you I really believe they'll be understanding. It's who you are as a person that matters and I believe most people know that. But like I said I can only speak to how people are in my area and maybe I am a little naive or optimistic.

That gives me some hope.  This was just something which I never planned to have to do.  Obviously I knew that there would be some problems as I live in a small area, and my parents ran a well known pub for fifteen years up until the Summer, so people knew of me even if they didn't know me.  The number of people I had ask me how my hand was after minor surgery a few years back that I had never seen in my life before was astonishing.  I'd hoped that when I was out of my immediate area -- i.e. in Sixth Form -- I'd be okay though as no one has heard of my village, and only a few know of the small town it's near.  The idea of living South of the town is pretty alien to them all to be honest.

Quote from: Not-so Fat Admin on February 13, 2013, 05:58:05 AM
Wow. That sucks Alexander. I've never been in that situation. But probably the best thing is to just act like it's no big deal to anyone who recognizes you or brings it up. If you act casual about it, they will too. Still sucks when you'd planned on being stealth. How much longer do you have to go there?

I'll be starting there in September, and going to be there for two school years, so until June-ish 2015.  I'm also hoping that I'll be able to find away to get referred to a GIC without getting involved with my sadistic shrink again by that time, so I'm not really prepared to waste that time where I could be getting some RLE under my belt and hopefully speed up the processes a little bit.  Really hate the idea of being out though, it's just not me.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on February 13, 2013, 06:53:33 AM
OK, so some people may recognise your face. Some might recognise your distinctive surname. Do you intend to socialise with them? What will you do if any of them try to socialise with you?

Not unless they've changed dramatically since I last saw them and grown up a lot then no.  It's more the gossip that they're likely to spread that bothers me, they're the sort of irritating people who say stuff to look cool and like gossip.  Maybe I'm being a bit unfair and got too much of that "every year that's younger than me in school is soooo annoying" mentality going on, but I generally don't get on well with people my own age, let alone those younger than me.

Quote
In my experience, people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't pay as much attention to the people around them as you might think. If you're recognised, it's up to you whether you want to socialise with them. A nod and a 'hi' whilst continuing to walk away may be the simplest way to remain stealth. They probably won't realise you've changed your name: do you know the names of everyone in all the other classes, including the ones you recognise? Probably not.

If they do try to chat with you, you could either tell them that you're using a different name now (it's up to you if you want to explain why)... or you could always pretend to be your own cousin.

Remember: even if it all goes wrong, Sixth Form is only temporary and you'll probably never see any of those kids again so you will have other chances to go completely stealth.

I came from a small school, years of about 50 people max, so everyone knows everyone, at least by sight if not name.  And I'm awful at names, it took me a year and a half to know the 32 people in my year when I started (it's grown since then), and I was always the crazy butch lesbian, so I'm guessing most of them knew me.  If one of them is in my class and they call out the register as "Alexander C___" they're going to twig I think, and that's me potentially outed to an entire class straight away.

I doubt they would say something directly to me, but if they did I'd just say the first thing that came into my mind probably to get them off my back.  If I ever plan responses or scenarios they always end up going the total opposite to what I planned.

Quote from: Felix on February 13, 2013, 07:37:38 AM
I've found that most people get over the novelty of it pretty quickly and treat you like a normal guy, and the ones who don't end up looking silly themselves.

That's reassuring.  I certainly hope so.

Quote from: spacerace on February 13, 2013, 10:12:31 AM

When you see this people you know from before Alexander, you could just be sorta distant, like acknowledge them with a head nod or something only and then walk away.  Seems sorta rude, but what else can do you in this situation? They only matter as much as you let them.

I can see that working in the street, or just generally around the building, but I don't know how it would fair actually in a class.  I'm not one for conversating with people I barely know just because I once went to the same place as them, so it would just be normal for me, but when we're cooped up together I don't know how it would work.  Maybe I should just pray that I don't get landed with any of them, or they all decide to go elsewhere.