I have decided on the university that I want to go to, I loved it there and it just seems perfect for me. Now I'm hoping to start university in September as male, wether I get on T by then or not. I spoke to the accomodation team about my worries about sharing a bathroom but they put my mind at rest and suggested that I get in contact with the uni and explain my situation either by phone or email. I hate talking on the phone so I decided that email would be best, however I have no idea what to write or how to structure it. The lady from accommodation suggested that I say about my wish to live as male and ask how I can be supported with this. Have any of you had an experience with this? I don't know how much to include, what exactly I'm asking of them and how to ask it, how it works legally etc. This is all new to me so if anybody with experience could lend me a hand or even how to structure it it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Joey

First things first: do your research. What is the school's official stance on LGBT issues? What is their reputation? Does the school have gender-neutral housing?

Does the school have an LGBT center? If so, talk to the director/coordinator and enlist help from him or her.

I noticed they had an lgbt committee there which I was thinking about getting involved in. The housing is mixed gender so that isn't a problem. The woman said to contact this certain service who is a part of the uni and they'll be able to help me. I was hoping that sending this email would give me an insight of what they're like and how they'd support me.

Joey

Well, I think that you first need to brainstorm your goals and your expectations. What are you hoping will happen, the best-case scenario?

Best case scenario, my name gets changed on the register to Joey, I get addressed as male, I get treated as one of the guys even if they can't change my gender on the system. If anyone starts on me about it I want to know that I'll be supported.

Joey

Sounds like a good place to start.

I don't know anything about the legality of changing your name in the register and so forth, but I'm hoping that some other guys with real experience weigh in soon.

If they have a register office, I'd actually go talk to them directly in person.  Might be awkward, but you will see how receptive they are.  Talking to someone at the LGBT center first might be a good idea, but going in person will be the quickest way to get it resolved. If they resist, you can go from there. Email can be ignored easily, but talking to someone in person will make that one person personally responsible for figuring out the answer to your question.

Just say, "Hi, I'm transgender. I need my name to be changed before starting school, and my gender listed as male as it will currently be incorrect.  What can I do about this? Thanks for any help."  If they say they don't know if they can do that, keep at it and say, "Well, who can we talk to so I can get this resolved?" Be polite and smile and it will help.

Oh - I should add it would be good to find out ASAP if they will be resistant, that way you can see about legally changing your name before starting school at least to get them to correct it, even if they won't do the gender switch.

I can't go there in person again, it's a 3 hour drive away or 2 hour by train and I just don't have the money to go down again so email is the only choice :/

Those are some good points to include in the email though, and they've been quite quick at responding to emails before. When I spoke to the accomodation lady the response I got was very good and she said if nobody helps me to go back to the accomodation team.

Thanks.

Joey

Quote from: spacerace on February 18, 2013, 12:49:04 PM
Talking to someone at the LGBT center first might be a good idea, but going in person will be the quickest way to get it resolved.

If the school has a decent LGBT center, the people there should be able to advise him about what is legal and permissible, make inquiries for him if they don't already know the answer, give him advice about whom to talk to and how to do things, and act as prearranged backup if he does encounter resistance. They can also interact with any campus ombudsperson or legal services and remind the various offices of their own responsibilities toward trans students.

I agree that he might be able to, say, get his name changed at the registrar without this help, but he apparently needs to accomplish separate goals with separate offices. If he takes them on one at a time, he could be very easily frustrated by a fresh "battle" every time--and some of these battles might be stressful and unnecessary.

Speaking only for myself, I found my own coming-out MUCH easier after I had spoken to the LGBT center director and received advice and encouragement. She gave me the backup I needed to approach my campus transition with confidence and certainty.

But my campus has a very strong LGBT services office. Joey might very well be stuck doing all of this on his own, but why not start with known allies, if he has some, and work from there? My two cents' worth.

Quote from: Arch on February 18, 2013, 03:54:45 PM
But my campus has a very strong LGBT services office. Joey might very well be stuck doing all of this on his own, but why not start with known allies, if he has some, and work from there? My two cents' worth.

good point.  good luck getting it worked out, Joey.

Thank you both.

Joey

Everyone else has good advice.

For structuring the email, I helped Alex in the FTM section structure his a few months back. If I find the post, I'll put a link in.

Thanks, that would be great.

Joey

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,131733.0.html

You might need a few changes to fit your needs, but hopefully this will be helpful.

That's a brilliant help, thank you! Exactly what I was looking for.

Joey

Changing your name in the UK is fairly easy and cheap as far as I'm aware, just Google 'deed poll'. It might be worth doing that before you go, or at least before finishing your degree so the paper work is correct. I'm not too fussed about my GCSE, BTEC and future A-levels being in the wrong name because employers generally only care about the highest and most recent achievements and I'll probably go to uni in a couple of years.

That email worked for me btw, so good luck!

I've looked up the deed poll and it looks straightforward enough. I want to approach my parents about it first though. I know it's my life, but they're making an effort lately and I want to try and include them as much as possible.

I will send the email off tomorrow, thanks!

Joey