When I was in high school I used to joke that I was a lesbian in a man's body... and then I slowly began that it wasn't a joke.

I considered for a while going through the sex change process, and then I realized that what I yearned for was to not necessarily have the body of a woman, but to be a woman in a man's body. I realized that I actually liked this body.

it's like I just want to be a sweet soft gentle nurturing being, I don't really care what body I do it in!

this is still a huge mystery to me, I'm still puzzling it all out, and where I am at today is I just want to be a "yin" gentle, sweet, passive being. I want to be everything that we think of as feminine... and, I don't really feel the need to change how my body looks right now.


I think all this would be a lot easier if I was gay, and I love women, and I want to be with the woman.


I don't know, I guess what I'm asking is are there other people out there who would identify with a different gender than their body, yet keep the body they were born with?

Much love,

S 

sounds confusing -  i wish to be treated gently.... but by a woman, looks like we can't link up.

ood luck finding yours as I look for mine.

I think maybe I am a straight gay man. My voice is rather high pitched (on the telephone, I am always addressed as Ms., or Ma'am)... I don't know... when I think about all this stuff it is confusing, and when I don't tend to or acknowledge this stuff, well my life doesn't feel genuine or real. is

xo,

S

sounds like we could all o with a hug.

Hug and a tickle,

thanks

Well to be honest my need to change what was was not based on appearance but rather feeling. What was felt wrong, very VERY wrong. I do not crave the roll, the clothes, the situations or anything else of being female, just the feel of it (which is basically underlying all the previous I suppose); ^*shrug* This little girl had enough of the monkey suit. I am afraid that is the best way I can put it.

I hope that helps in some way.

Luck to you

Quote from: softgentleone on June 08, 2007, 08:23:07 PM
I just want to be a "yin" gentle, sweet, passive being. I want to be everything that we think of as feminine... and, I don't really feel the need to change how my body looks right now.

Hmmm, well I was *kinda* similar in that I never really hated my body because it was always rather feminine anyway. No muscles, little body hair, small frame (but tall), etc. And people always called me "gentle" and easy to talk to... which is why my wife originally suggested I could just be happy with that, since it was ALMOST as if I was being treated and seen as a female anyway. Not literally, I would never pass for a female before, but people related to me almost as if I was a woman.

But, it was never enough. If anything, it was a terrible tease of What Could Be But Really Wasn't. It just validated what I new I had to do.

~Kate~

Quote from: softgentleone on June 08, 2007, 08:23:07 PM
When I was in high school I used to joke that I was a lesbian in a man's body... and then I slowly began that it wasn't a joke.

I considered for a while going through the sex change process, and then I realized that what I yearned for was to not necessarily have the body of a woman, but to be a woman in a man's body. I realized that I actually liked this body.

it's like I just want to be a sweet soft gentle nurturing being, I don't really care what body I do it in!

this is still a huge mystery to me, I'm still puzzling it all out, and where I am at today is I just want to be a "yin" gentle, sweet, passive being. I want to be everything that we think of as feminine... and, I don't really feel the need to change how my body looks right now.


I think all this would be a lot easier if I was gay, and I love women, and I want to be with the woman.


I don't know, I guess what I'm asking is are there other people out there who would identify with a different gender than their body, yet keep the body they were born with?

Much love,

S 

Could it be a possibility that the reason you so tightly hold on the claim of liking women is that they are the embodiment of what you want to be? They possess all of the qualities that you wish to have and so it would be natural to be drawn to them as a beacon of femininity.

Have you ever fantasized or imagined yourself as the woman in a sexual scenario?

Quote from: Renae Lupini on June 09, 2007, 08:24:21 PM
Could it be a possibility that the reason you so tightly hold on the claim of liking women is that they are the embodiment of what you want to be? They possess all of the qualities that you wish to have and so it would be natural to be drawn to them as a beacon of femininity.

Have you ever fantasized or imagined yourself as the woman in a sexual scenario?

very good question, Renae.

Oh my gosh-

Thanks so much to all of you for talking with me about this.....

Oh my... I am so full of conflicted feeling... I hope you can stand it while I contradict myself 500 times in this discussion.




"my body does not match the way I feel and want to live" I think and feel this way sometimes as well.... and then I get scared, because I think about becoming a woman and feel afraid that I wouldn't be able to still be close romantically or sexual with women... hello, I live in California, pretty lesbian friendly... but still.... the answer is yes I sometimes really wish I did have a female body.

AND well, I have been through quite a spiritual/psychological journey dealing with depression, addictions and sometimes even the desire to be a monk (or nun, I guess ) that I think, "yeah maybe there is something to this transgender thing for me, but I need to get some stability or groundedness first."


oh my gosh, I cannot believe I am saying this stuff, and when I see your pictures Kate, Rigella and Nigella.... I think oh God if I could be a beautiful woman like them, I would.... and I guess I'm afraid that I wouldn't be if I went ahead and changed....


"Could it be a possibility that the reason you so tightly hold on the claim of liking women is that they are the embodiment of what you want to be? They possess all of the qualities that you wish to have and so it would be natural to be drawn to them as a beacon of femininity."

calf that really makes sense in many ways, I honestly do worship women, and they really all are what I want to be... I guess in my mind I always thought I would just be a feminine man.... "would be" lol I already am.


"Have you ever fantasized or imagined yourself as the woman in a sexual scenario? "

Yes. More then a few times....... sometimes when I make love, I'll lie on my back and spread MY legs and ask the woman to make love to me... it's pretty amazing and in those moments, whether it is deep imagination helped out by lots of "props!" or true empathy, I can really feel what it's like to recieve a penis in a yoni.... and I like it, a lot.... and I love making love to a woman as a man, for sure... in fact when I'm making love to a woman is the only time I really feel comfortable with the role of "male."


oh boy... (oh girl?) it's like I really wanna talk about all this and it's really hard... sorry that it's coming out in little conflicting/confusing components.


love,

Seth

We're listening to you and we're here for you, Seth. Say all you need to say, ask all you need to ask.

So, it is not the lack of wanting to be a woman that is stopping, it the possibility of failure if you did move forward? Honey, we were all scared and we are still scared at times. Be scared is natural. It is an unknown territory for you so you have no experience in your life to use as a comparison to something on this scale, it can be pretty daunting. The only to find out for sure is to just do it. Don't worry about looks and all the superficial stuff.

If you take away all the societal pressures what would you do? This is how it was asked of me. Imagine you are having a night out. It is the perfect night. Just you and your date. The two of you are dancing and smiling at each other. What color is your dress and what is he wearing?

I can sense through what you have said already in your few posts that you do want to dive down the rabbit hole. If you are waiting for someone to push you, it won't happen. Only you can make that leap.

And on another note, it is perfectly alright to like men. Being attracted to them cannot be all that wrong if you fantasize about it already. Enjoy as much as you can out of life. you get one chance to make the most out of it.

Hey Seth,
I am female identified but living (so far happily since accepting my gender identity) in the body I was born in. Gender identity feelings seem to vary in intensity for different people. It may be that one day I will feel differently and feel the need to change but at the moment I don't. Ask me again in a few years
I don't like the body I have though, I tolerate it. I feminise it and wear clothes that match how I feel. I have to be cautious about that going out of course unless I want trouble.

It has helped a great deal that those of my family and friends that I have told have not rejected me, we shall see at the end of the year how everyone I know being told affects my life. Most importantly to me it helps that my fiancée loves me for me, for the woman I am, not the package I came delivered in. I know I am very lucky for having these people in my life and it may be that that is what has made the difference so far. It is annoying that people assume I am male because of my appearance but then people assume all sorts of things that aren't true.

At this time, this is what works for me.

Quote from: Mattie E on June 09, 2007, 10:25:48 PM
I have to be cautious about that going out of course unless I want trouble.

What kind of trouble are you referring to?

Quote from: Renae Lupini on June 09, 2007, 11:15:28 PM
What kind of trouble are you referring to?

Oh I live in a smallish Navy city and live in a slightly rough area so dresses or skirts are a no outside unless I want to get name calling at the very least, but otherwise I tend to just wear what I want to.

I am not only a former active duty Marine but still work on the base I was last stationed at. There are a few people who turn and walk the other way when they see me. Other than that, nobody really even cares. So the worst thing that has happened is some people turn away from.

I thought for sure I would catch a lot of ->-bleeped-<- but so far things have been going a lot better than i had ever anticipated before I actually did them.

That is so good to hear. Unfortunately I know the people who live where I currently do would not be so... restrained... in their response. Not a thing that I live in fear of but not a thing I want to deal with if I am just going to the shops

the crazy part of that theory is that we don't really know until we go through it. And the more wee go through it, the less we give a damn about the minor instances that we do encounter. It is amazing how rewarding life can be when we take chances and do what we feel is right. As I have asked people before, "Would you rather look back on your life wishing you did more or be proud of things you actually did?"

Some food for thought is all

Renae, I totally agree with that sentiment. One I try to live by too. For me it is a case of picking my battles. I don't care what my neighbours think of me nor strangers in the street. I am quite confident of being able to defend myself if I needed to but.. I just don't feel like having a fight when all I want is a bottle of milk and I know that the kids round here will start putting bricks through the window. I quite happily wear trousers, I do most of the time anyway by preference, I make no allowances for the ignorant with other clothing..

Confusion comes when we try to categorize ourself according to society's rules and they have no category for us.  You are who you are.  Instead of looking for a category for yourself just accept you are unique and be yourself.  Thinking can drive you insane! 

Julie