She buys my T, she takes me to my appointments, and she isn't against me transitioning...but, she has the weirdest form of humor I've ever seen. Today:

Mom: its so funny how you are a girl with a mustache
Me: I'm not a girl, thank you.
Mom: oh come on, you know you are. you are biologically a girl and you cant change that. just shave your mustache off
Me: I don't know why you try to offend me. Those are mean things to say.
Mom: you have no humor at all in you
Me: where is the humor in that?

and she got angry and defensive...saying that "you have no kindness in you, you are humorless" etc. Both of my parents are like that, they call that humor. Anything that can hurt a person's feelings they see it as a form of humor. I say "I laugh at funny things, this isn't humor, this is criticism". Strangers are much more kinder than my parents about it. My dad is more cool with it all and says I'm his son now. My mom, one day sounds awesome about it, the next she does this. When people come over from her church, she is like "go disappear in your room for now, hide yourself for a bit". And she aaaaalways says I'm her daughter to everyone and people look at her like "wtf?" when they see me. This happens a lot when I want to make friends with other guys at church or somewhere. One time a lady asked her if I'm her son and she didnt say yes didnt say no just had a straight face and I said yes for her. Man. And when we're alone she says "I have no problem with it whatsoever".

My dad's kinda similar-we were at Walmart a few weeks ago and walked past some lady.
Dad: Hey did you see that woman back there?
Me: No, why?
Dad: (kinda laughing) that lady was actually a man
Me: What? (I was quite offended)
Dad: That wasn't a woman! It was a man!
He laughed a bit, and at my silence, just kinda gave me a look like 'isn't that funny?'

I was very offended and should have said something to him about it. Some people just have strange senses of humor I guess. I can see how that MIGHT be funny to someone else, but it's kinda similar to like rape jokes or something. Some people find them funny, but lots of people find them just offensive and wrong. Kind of a drastic example, but that's how I see it. Some people think joking about trans people is funny, some don't.

Quote from: Dean on February 18, 2013, 04:00:34 PM
My dad's kinda similar-we were at Walmart a few weeks ago and walked past some lady.
Dad: Hey did you see that woman back there?
Me: No, why?
Dad: (kinda laughing) that lady was actually a man
Me: What? (I was quite offended)
Dad: That wasn't a woman! It was a man!
He laughed a bit, and at my silence, just kinda gave me a look like 'isn't that funny'

I was very offended and should have said something to him about it. Some people just have strange senses of humor I guess. I can see how that MIGHT be funny to someone else, but it's kinda similar to like rape jokes or something. Some people find them funny, but lots of people find them just offensive and wrong. Kind of a drastic example, but that's how I see it. Some people think joking about trans people is funny, some don't.

I really don't understand how it can be funny, I mean, what's specifically funny about trans people? I mean I understand how it can be strange to some people, how they can be weirded out by it or say "eww" out of ignorance, but I don't think there's anything funny.

Quote from: BearGuy on February 18, 2013, 04:02:43 PM
I really don't understand how it can be funny, I mean, what's specifically funny about trans people? I mean I understand how it can be strange to some people, how they can be weirded out by it or say "eww" out of ignorance, but I don't think there's anything funny.

I don't know, I wish I did :/
Last year when I was stage managing for a play, we had to give a boy's part to one of the girls because we didn't have enough guys auditioning and they all thought it was so funny to joke about the '->-bleeped-<- detective' >.< I could never figure out why it was funny, and I made them stop joking about it.

Ugh I'm sorry you have to deal with that ignorance. Before I came out as trans, my father had a sense of "humor" like that, but I noticed that every since I came out, he takes great offense when people make jokes about trans people, or queer people in general.

My parents' humor is exactly the same way and they get defensive like that too, especially my mother. They don't know I'm trans (yet) but I've noticed that they use their "humor" as a way to subtly hint at things so they won't have to come right out and talk to me about sensitive subjects. Maybe your mom is doing something similar.

Yes it's very unpleasant this type of "joke".

Me, it's a guy who's gay and want date me (I say at him I am not interested) who say "I am totally gay but I love a girl because she is a man" me "who?" Him "You" Me "Ok, it's the last time you talk to me".

* I never told him I'm trans but he has understand alone.

I have never told at him since this day.

Quote from: Dean on February 18, 2013, 04:00:34 PM
My dad's kinda similar-we were at Walmart a few weeks ago and walked past some lady.
Dad: Hey did you see that woman back there?
Me: No, why?
Dad: (kinda laughing) that lady was actually a man
Me: What? (I was quite offended)
Dad: That wasn't a woman! It was a man!
He laughed a bit, and at my silence, just kinda gave me a look like 'isn't that funny?'

I was very offended and should have said something to him about it. Some people just have strange senses of humor I guess. I can see how that MIGHT be funny to someone else, but it's kinda similar to like rape jokes or something. Some people find them funny, but lots of people find them just offensive and wrong. Kind of a drastic example, but that's how I see it. Some people think joking about trans people is funny, some don't.

When people encounter anything new or unknown, they respond in different ways...some smile and welcome the stranger, others get angry and attack. And a few aren't comfortable doing either, so they think it's ok to laugh at the stranger (out of earshot, of course--if the new person can hear, it's a form of attack).

For myself, if a friend was with me and started laughing at a transperson...

"See that? That was funny!"
What was funny?
"That woman...wasn't a woman! He's a man!"
Oh...and how is that funny?
"He's wearing a dress, and makeup!"
Oookay...so the dress is funny?

Just draw out the person, make them explain what is funny...and like all jokes, if you have to explain it...it's not funny anymore.

It doesn't help that TV has stereotypical ideas of trans* folks everywhere. I was watching an old episode of the Big Bang Theory and came across this line:

Wolowitz: I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual on J-Date and that didn't even crack my top ten.

...I don't get it. Is it bad that I don't get it?

Then there's my dad, who once complained about the "effing dykes" in front of us who were obviously tourists and very excited to be in the Big Apple at a Harry Potter exhibit. I elbowed him lightly and gave him a sharp look, but he didn't get it so I explained when we went back home that what he said wasn't okay, and he still didn't see what was wrong with what he said. Boy, was he one happy ray of sunshine when we somehow ended up in the middle of the Gay Pride parade last year. There was a blue-haired woman yelling into a phone, which my dad chalked up to "trying to act tough"- he had some colorful comments on the rainbow-celebrating participants. My mother has often speculated that he's a closet homosexual, and her sheer blatant misandry has made me wonder if she's a closet homosexual. Oh, the joys of my dysfunctional family.

But seriously, what is up with having a laugh at the expense of the LGBT community, especially trans* people?

It really sounds like your mom loves you but she is embarrassed by you. When my dad was alive he would be nice sometimes (mainly when we were alone) but in front of others he could make hurtful comments. He would laugh and then roll his eyes at me when I told him to knock it off.

People just deal with it in different ways, I guess. I still wouldn't put up with being treated like the family's dirty secret.

Like Beth Andrea said, a good way to deal with people telling intolerant (racist, sexist, transphobic, homophobic, etc) jokes is to say "I don't get it, why is it funny?". Then the jokesters will have to explain the joke, and you can see them get more and more flustered as they try to avoid saying "It's funny because women are stupid!" or similar.

It's not funny, it is passive-aggressive insults.  Of course, when you call them on  it, they were 'only joking' or 'you are too sensitive.'   I have blatantly told my mother that what she just said was totally offensive, rude, and disrespectful.  She doesn't get it AT ALL.  I have been 'this close' to cutting her out of my life, then she gets some sense and seems respectful. 

Sorry you have to deal with this BS.


Jay