So, I live in a small country where everybody different is given a bad eye. My own parents are also against everything they call unusual. I don't really know how to talk to them and just say how I feel. I mean, I have the same feeling since I was like 5 years old. I know who I am but I can't be who I am around them or at any other situation. Since I'll finish college in a month, I was also thinking about looking for a job in another country. I just want to get away and live my life the way I want. I don't want to be scared every day and I don't want to hide things and just not be myself. So, the real problem is, I have a very rigid parents and I'm really afraid that they'll evict me if I say something to them. They mean a lot to me even the way they are, but I'm scared how will they react. I don't even know how to say it to them, how to say that I feel awful my whole life and that every day is a battle?

Thanks for any advice

The Wiki is always a good place to start: https://www.susans.org/wiki/The_Closet

I think you could just show them the post you wrote now, then take it from there. If you are getting out of college,  you'll be out on your own soon enough, no need to consider it an eviction. You'll be moving up in the world, not down. Hugs, Devlyn

even when I came out by a young age I think the best advice is not to be depended by them. like having your own house, making money by yourself and all this, so in caise they should cut you out forever, or a time this would not be very dramatical for your life and you wouldnt have to live on the street or something like that. also if you dont live with them the pressure is alot more light.
I think the best way is trying to be outside and educate them if posible. like showing them exemples good documentarys or stuff like that, give them time and try again, this is just so much more easy to do while you dont live with then than when you do.
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for the working, have you thought where you would like to go?

Well, at first I just have to say that my family is going through a heavy situation, my dad has lost his job and as soon as I get a job (in my country), I'll have to help, so at first, moving out doesn't come in question (as much as I would love to move out). Ofcourse I understand that pressure is easier when you don't live with your parents, but unfortunately I don't think I will have enough money for another year when I get a job if I stay in my country. My parents are really tradicional and that doesn't help at all. My dad doesn't even wanna talk about ordinary stuff, so I don't know how would I even start talking to them. As I said we are in a really heavy place regarding our financial situation and the bad job market here doesn't help. I would love to stay in my country but I feel as I would only kinda move on somewhere really far away from them and from everybody else. I feel restrictied every day and I don't feel comfortable in any other situation. I'd love to change my name legally, start getting T and start to leave my life as I want to live. I really have only one good friend and it's not easy to talk to her about this stuff. I just don't know what to do. It's really an everyday struggle to almost lead two lifes. At the house (and at the job interviews, at college) I have to be one person and out with friend I'm an another. This really bugs me. And I'm now 25 and I wanna just like live my life the best I can. And parents that are really tradicional and their possible reaction are giving me a hard time. If only they can only just like see what's going on and get used to it. My problem is that with my parents I've never had a personal talk about anything. And this is really really personal.