I was wondering what kind of reaction to expect once i reach that stage where I become more femme looking than I am naturally. Luckily, I'm kinda-sorta femme looking to begin with, but I still think there will be a stage where it will be obvious. For whatever reason, I have gyencomastia. And several friends (especially one friend)  point them out all the time and in front of people. "hey, you have boobs." My ass is fat too lol. I'm 5'7 and 139 lbs. so it ain't because I'm obese or overeat. I'm pretty healthy and bike 20 miles a week. I'm a 36 A if that means anything. When they get bigger, like probably by a cup size to 36B I'll pretty much have to wear a bra. And what if they work even better and I go to a C? As great as it sounds and sounds awesome, in reality what if I'm not ready. I want to go slow.

Anyway, what will their reaction be to my skin becoming soft and hairless as well? It will be obvious, hard to hide and most people, including my family will know what I am doing without me saying. I'm worried because I'm going to start HRT in two weeks (wish it was NOW lol) and what happens if I progress to fast? That sounds better than no progress at all but I heard that hormones tend to do best on people who are already slightly femme looking. Don't know if it's true.

I guess what I'm saying is for anyone who has ever been in this situation where you're in limbo between male and female, how have the people you know and people in general reacted or not reacted for that matter? Any anecdotes or stories? Bad stories welcome, but good stories encouraged--the kind of stories where people's innate goodness shines through and you're in awe at how beautiful the world is and can be.  Hopefully, this has happened. Thanks to any and all who reply and help a sister out.

When I first started HRT I didn't tell anyone about anything. just started the hormones. I was doing my internship so I had very little interaction with all my friends.  I thought everything was going to be fine. No one will see me so I will  have less problems to face. Everything  went fine till I met them 6 months after I started HRT. Like you I was bit feminine and after six month in to HRT changes were obvious. specially on face and skin. face was fuller and skin was smooth. I shocked everyone at the first time I met them and I was bombarded with questions. "What's going on, why you look like a girl, Are you doing anything to your and are you having a sex change. There were odd teasing here and there but they all were more curious and concern about what's going on with me which scared everything out of me. Then my mother also realized something was going on with me and one day she had went through my stuff and found my magic pills. couple of days later she confronted me and I confess to her with crying my eyes out. She and my brother begged not to transition and they said I was never a typically feminine when I was little and it will be a mistake to transition. (I will just skip this part cos if I write about this  I will run out of space for sure. )

Once all this on the open I got so scared I decided to put my transition on hold. But the good thing is most of the changes that happened with HRT got stuck with me and all my friends got used to the way I look. With time they realized deep inside I am the same person who they always knew with a different look.  But it took another 5 years for me to start my transition. Again I started HRT and with the changes again people a started to ask questions. Specially in my workplace. I knew everyone was talking behind my back about my looks but for some reason no one confronted me about it. I became the pretty one in the office and how I looked didn't mattered to my friends anymore. after couple of months I came out to my close friends one by one. Some say they already guessed some say they never thought anything like it. But they all said one thing in common. They all said what ever it is I will always be their friend and I will always have their support which meant everything to me. And once I came out to my friends things became much easier. I have people to talk to and if someone tried to tease me they were there to stop it. after another few months the word got out and everyone knew about my transition and they all were very accepting and supportive.

I think if I came out to my friends without letting them wondering whats happening with me when I tried to transition in 2005 I think I could have see through my transition without putting it on hold. I think more than anything they were curious and worried about the way I looked.

But I am half a world away from you and we were raised in a totally different culture where bullying is something never herd in Schools and collages.

I know everyone says to rush it and do it while you're young or you may regret waiting... and I agree. But be sure of it. I'm actually in the same situation as you. I already came out to all of my friends and I had one person say they didn't agree with it but they would support me. I am definitely an exception. Now I just have to convince my mother, which has been going surprisingly well.

anyway, good luck! And try not to be afraid. These things work out.

Hmmmm I wonder if people at work are talking behind my back....

Well I was really feminine to start and young(20) when I started hormones and I have been on them for over 4 months now but I still easily pass as a male no problem. I go to class and work as my male self and I don't have any issues with passing as a male. Will this change as my hair gets longer and more changes happen? Possibly, but I definitely think you can pass as your biological sex as long as you want to/when you are ready to be full time. I've had all the normal changes for the period of time of being on hormones but it's a very slow change, so people will likely not notice right away.

MaidofOrleans: Why would they talk behind your back at work? You're gorgeous

Quote from: EmmaS on February 22, 2013, 06:24:52 AM
MaidofOrleans: Why would they talk behind your back at work? You're gorgeous

Oh cus I'm not out at work yet

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on February 22, 2013, 10:06:20 AM
Oh cus I'm not out at work yet

How do you manage passing as a guy? Jeez if I looked like you, I wouldn't ever get sir'ed even if I wanted to

Quote from: Joanna Dark on February 21, 2013, 04:01:18 PM
I guess what I'm saying is for anyone who has ever been in this situation where you're in limbo between male and female, how have the people you know and people in general reacted or not reacted for that matter?

People acted confused when I was in between. They never ma'am'd / sir'd me, or he / she'd me until they asked my name. There was a situation where two employees at a car dealership kept talking about me, and one would call me a he and the other would call me a she right in front of my face... in boy mode. People also acted a lil leery to talk to me, tbh. It was like they were afraid to say something wrong to somebody whose gender was in question. Another time, a coworker and I was visiting with a client who never met me before and the client made a (non offensive) sexist joke, then he looked at me and said "I didn't mean anything by it! Lastly, I remember walking into a cell phone store and upon entering, he called me a ma'am... when he saw that I had a full face of hair he corrected himself and seemed so nervous, as if he was afraid he offended me.

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on February 22, 2013, 03:43:51 AM
Hmmmm I wonder if people at work are talking behind my back....

I let it be known that I was an effeminate person... so it's like, might as well talk to my face about it because IDC.

Oh, I know people figured things out when I was on hrt, but not out to anyone. And I worked as a stevedore for a bulk materials company and had to go on ships and show my ID. A lot of them would look at me funny and then after I signed in, they would make sure to add Mr. before my name, they didn't do that to the other stevedores. But for the most part, I had little problem with people I worked with or knew. I've even heard little discussions among people that were near us in restaurants concerning how I looked, never really picked up anything negative that I heard though. Most of the negative stuff came out after I came out and it was mostly from "friends" and some family.

Quote from: EmmaS on February 22, 2013, 10:08:55 AM
How do you manage passing as a guy? Jeez if I looked like you, I wouldn't ever get sir'ed even if I wanted to

Oh I get weird looks but never ma'amd. I just look really young at this point but not quite like a girl. I don't dress very feminine either to hide my body shape which is getting rather feminine. I give it a few more months before it will be hard to pass male.

Edit: This is of course based off my own self impressions..also i'm almost always the initiator in any social situation because i'm a smart ass chatty cathy and my voice probably gives me away.

All this is great to hear. I'm glad there haven't been any horror stories from anyone about getting kicked out and forced to do things you don't want to do i.e. prostitute yourself. I know from reading my local LGBT newspaper there is a nasty problem in my city with TSs getting killed. Generally they are on the street and then the police hate them for two reasons and apparently don't care. Of course, our normal prostitues getted murdered too and two years ago they were getting raped and killed my a serial killer who was high. He did get caught but not before killing four people in one month. I'm guessing I could go quite long before not being able to pass and having to either go fulltime or correct people all the time when they call me ma'am. I think two years will be the drop dead date as from what I hear is it takes that long for everything to happen, especially breast growth. Thoughlike I said I am lucky, or unlucky when if I wanted to live the rest of my life as a guy, in that I already have A/B cup boobs, depending on how you measure them. Prob 36B but only one my one friend says anything  and that's only when he's drunk and he'll either do that or tell me I look like KD Lang. (Though other people  tell me to stop drinking so much milk even though I don't drink milk.)

But I must admit part of me kinda wants to be ma'amed to death but that's the whole point right? I guess at that point I'll have to do something. In any event, it's not like what I'm doing is illegal. That and I'm sure my living situation will be fine and if not I'll have to get all dolled up and get a man jk well okay I am. I only have a part-time job right now and my boss is gay so he wouldn't care but I have to get another one but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. 

I was discussing this today at therapy. How should I approach coming out at work? How long before people start to notice? I get ma'amed quite a bit already, at least at first glance, and my coworkers already teases me since I don't appear very manly. I have already lasered off my body and facial hair. I've always waited for somebody to say something to me about my hairless arms or something, but nobody ever has. My mother remarked about my complete lack of facial hair once, but I casually dismissed it. I suspect people won't be very surprised about me, but I'm very fearful about losing my job or being marginalized. I work in a small office. I don't feel compelled to say anything right now, since nothing's happened. But I will have to address it at some point. I will most likely tell 1 or 2 of my closest coworkers and then talk with my boss and HR person. I worry though because there are some TG's in our neighborhood and people say insulting stuff about them. Even our UPS guy says rude stuff to me. He refers to me as the "other".

That's messed up you are treated that way by the UPS guy. I'm not sure corporate would approve of his behavior as there is a big drive among Fortune 400 companies to cover SRS, so they hardly will be okay with that kind of bullying. Nobody should be okay with it because it is not cool. So, consider telling them. He probably treats others this way too. Words matter. Ither than that I worked in a small office and if you tell one person they all know it. The Art Director referred to me by a femalized version of my name and I wore not women's pants all the time. But it was a women's mag so it may have been a little more liberal. I was still presenting male other then that though i'm a little feminine in general, or alot depending on your opinion, so it's kinda the same but maybe not hairless arms may stick out more than no facial hair. Why did you laser it off? I thought hair on the body and arms was supposed to disappear. I'm light on body hair and my arm hair isn't out of other women, so i'm not that worries but was hoping it would go away more. I'd tell HR first BTW. They should be supportive. I just read an article in the NY Times that said more and more companies and universities are covering SRS so the future looks more tolerant. Which is good since I have spent 25 years since i was five in a state of near panic wondering if people would find out. Actually scratch that I spent four years with my ex-fiance and she was supportive (not of SRS) and they were the best years of my life but we broke up, not because of this. Sorry for the tangent lol

The UPS guy is just some dork. I can handle him. I know people have to deal with far worse and if that's as bad as it gets then I'd consider myself lucky.

I did laser hair removal many years ago. I have very pale skin and had ugly dark patchy hair. I hated it so much. I always figured getting hair removal done early would save me the trouble when I transitioned. And it's nice not having to shave. So I lasered off pretty much every hair from my waist up lol. It makes my forearms one of my favorite features since they are slim and delicate and smooth.

I work in a small design studio BTW. My boss makes comments about me sometimes too. Like when a female employee left and a new male was hired to replace her, my boss said it was no big deal because I could just even out the ratio of men to women. Or if we all go out for lunch he will make it real obvious I should sit on the girls side of the table (which I always do anyway of course). Stuff like that happens all the time. But he is a big ass and was already successfully sued for racist comments in the past. So I just keep track of it and if he fires me I'll go after him. He is a disgusting bigot but there are rules that he has to follow and my SO is a paralegal and knows tons of lawyers including workplace specialists.

Quote from: TiffanyT on February 24, 2013, 08:34:59 PM
The UPS guy is just some dork. I can handle him. I know people have to deal with far worse and if that's as bad as it gets then I'd consider myself lucky.

I did laser hair removal many years ago. I have very pale skin and had ugly dark patchy hair. I hated it so much. I always figured getting hair removal done early would save me the trouble when I transitioned. And it's nice not having to shave. So I lasered off pretty much every hair from my waist up lol. It makes my forearms one of my favorite features since they are slim and delicate and smooth.

I work in a small design studio BTW. My boss makes comments about me sometimes too. Like when a female employee left and a new male was hired to replace her, my boss said it was no big deal because I could just even out the ratio of men to women. Or if we all go out for lunch he will make it real obvious I should sit on the girls side of the table (which I always do anyway of course). Stuff like that happens all the time. But he is a big ass and was already successfully sued for racist comments in the past. So I just keep track of it and if he fires me I'll go after him. He is a disgusting bigot but there are rules that he has to follow and my SO is a paralegal and knows tons of lawyers including workplace specialists.

Wow! What a dick! 

Im a little worried about this to. I am at the point where I can start hormones with my therapist but I've been kind of scared about changes happening to fast. I just graduated college and live with a parent and I don't feel it would be a good time to come out until I live on my own. Everyone has been telling me 6 months seems to be the point where changes are noticeable. Also worried about finding a better job/trying to transition at a new job (if I can even find one  ).

I'm in the same living situation but I had to move back with my mom after not living there since graduating college 8 years ago. I picked a hard career to get a good job in. I had one but now I'm worried. And I really don't want to come out but I also don't want to wait any longer. I'm androgynous looking enough that I'm hoping the changes won't be overwhelming. I also want a new job I only have a part-time one and I need more money. I try not to think a lot about all the work this is going to take because if I do, it becomes too much and I start questioning my decision to do this. Not the need to do this, I've known that since I was different since I was five and knew I wanted to get SRS by the time I was 9-10 and heard about it.

I take care of my mom and my brother lives with us, and can be a consummate ->-bleeped-<-, especially to get under my skin like a tick. He took my transition pretty well, considering the fact that at one time his life's ambition was to become a Hell's Angel. Anyway, he'd only said a few little attempts at hurting me, but since my transition I'm so happy I don't care what he says. I'd never wanted to admit it, but I was attracted to guys even in the 7th grade, but I was also attracted to women. I was married twice, but I was becoming more attracted to guys than women by age 21, even though I constantly had women and had only been with two guys. I'm now 58 and I'm in a relationship with a very sweet guy who treats me completely like a woman, because that's how he sees me. Somehow it came up that I'm in a relationship with a man and that I'm in love with him. I thought my brother was going to stroke out he flipped out so bad. He said, word for word, "Oh ->-bleeped-<-, it just never ends with you. First you're living as a woman now for so long I can't remember what my brother looked like, and now you're telling me you're a Homo? You! You're telling me you're a f**king Homo! I can't f**king believe it, my sister's a f**king homo!" I thought I'd been adopted into Archie Bunker's family and couldn't stop laughing, which only made him angrier. I finally just told him, "Steve, I really don't care what you say, because I've considered myself a heterosexual woman for years." Then I zinged him, "Besides, I have absolutely no respect for your opinion about me, period!" He hasn't mentioned it since and has gone back to treating me better than I was ever treated as his 'brother.' He really does look at me as his sister now, I'm pretty sure, because if he looked at me as his brother there would have been violence from the day he first heard I was going to live as a woman in the house we live. He's a jerk, but I love him a lot anyway. I haven't been outed once by anyone anywhere, which is a miracle as far as I'm concerned now, because I began living full time after only six weeks on HRT, and I weighed 215 at 5' 9" tall. I did get outed by a mean spirited little bitch who worked as a front office girl at my doctor's office. I had to give her my license, which had my old photo and my insurance card. I was in a really pretty dress, and for me, I looked really good. The waiting room was absolutely packed and when she gave me back my license and insurance card, she said loudly, and with a smirky smile, "Thank you, Mr. Thomson" and caught my eye contact, and in that instant it was totally done on purpose, not some slip. One of her fellow office girls looked at her with a dirty look, because I don't think she knew about me, and virtually everyone in the waiting room was staring at me, so I just let go. I said back, just as loudly, "Mr. Thomson? You just called me Mr. Thomson!" She said with that totally fake innocence, "Oh, did I say that? Oh, I'm sorry," smirking. So I said, quieter, "For future reference, ma'am, you will address me by "Ma'am, Ms. or Miss, or I'll tell your boss and you'll lose your job. Do you understand?" The smile was off her face now, knowing I could cost her her job. I said again, "Do you understand?" "Yes, Ms. Thomson." I said, "Good." and sat down to wait. When I was called into the exam room I found some paper and a pen and wrote her to tell her how cruel a thing she did and that our lives are usually pure hell until we transition and someone like her can empty years of confidence with a few choice words. And a few other things. I also said that I wouldn't hesitate to tell the doctor if anything remotely like it happened between us again. I've read in several different places that most of the women who would out us like that are usually some dumpy mean spirited bitch and she fit the bill perfectly. She had Clark Kent glasses, zits, probably weighed close to 200 lbs. and I doubt if she reached 5' 2" in pumps. I was angry, not hurt. But other than those two things, I haven't had one incident in 17 1/2 months. I simply consider myself lucky, though. It could happen to anyone. I've read that cis women have other women asking if they're TS, if they have any masculine traits.