I'm almost ready to make the leap at work, as Bev, fulltime.    So far, I believe this will be in under 10 days.  Until today, I have been almost uncontrollably antsy, ready to do it now, but someone said something today that somehow put me in a tailspin. 
One of my young friendswho knows I'm ts, and about to come out, called me 'dude', in a friendly sort of way today.  I mentioned to him that it made me feel odd, being called dude, under the circumstances.  He understood that, but said he's pretty sure there are a lot of people there who will not accept the fact, or the name change, and will continue using the name 'Mike', like it or not.

Among other things today, I learned that an old acquaintance of mine I fished with, drowned in a swift current while flyfishing.  He was an old guy, 80-somethng, but we spent many wonderful hours together at our favorite sport. Additionally, I was very obviously 'sirred' almost continuously today, and had less than happy interactions with a few other people.

The thing that kept preying on my mind was the non-acceptance comment from my friend, and I think under ordinary circumstances, would not have rocked my confidence.

I was depressed when I got home, and afraid for the future, and suddenly felt with certainty that I am nothing but a foolish 50-something man with breasts, and would never, ever fit in.
I got home after work, dressed very drab...a navy tee-shirt, with a dark fishing scene on it, men's jeans, sneakers, my old men's glasses, men's clunky wristwatch, and my tiny stainless steel starter earring studs.  I even slipped a knife in my pocket, which was the usual a couple years ago.

Marcy saw me headed out into the backyard, and even mentioned I looked kind of 'manly', and what was going on.

It wasn't a good feeling, after all, trying to 'go back', to a safer place, a safer time.  I didn't feel better until I took all that junk off later in the evening. 

Marcy said, 'honey, it would make my life simpler if were possible for you to go back, but you can't.  All you did tonight was pretend you were something you're not.  You're a woman, and I like you better in bright colors, with your hair down, to tell you the truth.  You expect every day to be the same, but it's not.  And you're not going to have an easy time changing at work, but there are lots of people there who apparently know already, and they like you.  Relax, it's your weekend (mine's mid week), put something nice on, and try to let this go.'

So, I'm just about ready to head off to bed, and I feel better, but sense an ominous cloud lurking over me.  I'll take the advice of my best therapist, my wife.



Bev

QuoteI'm almost ready to make the leap at work, as Bev, fulltime.

congrats! That's fantastic!

Quote...but said he's pretty sure there are a lot of people there who will not accept the fact, or the name change, and will continue using the name 'Mike', like it or not...

It's nice to know he can read the minds of others.  He has no way of knowing of how others will react to this.
It's called projection, where you assume most others think (and act) like you do.  Apparently, he doesn't accept this very well or is having a difficult time with it, and is projecting that and assuming that others won't either.

QuoteI learned that an old acquaintance of mine I fished with, drowned in a swift current while flyfishing.

I'm so sorry to hear that   Losing a friend, even one from days gone by, is always hard.

As to 'going back'  Would You Really want to?  I think Marcy is right.
It's like, life is a journey of self-discovery.  You can't make an amazing discovery about yourself.... and then bury it again.
Well, I guess you can, I'm a good example, but... you shouldn't.

*hugs*

With Love,
Jessica

Bev,

does your company have a policy protecting against discrimination based on gender identity? If not, I would suggest going to talk to HR right away and see about starting one. That was the first thing I did before I ever mentioned I was TS.

Also, this is a work place. Discrimination and all around making fun of people should not be tolerated at all regardless of the situation. You have just as much right to work in peace and be free from harassment as everyone else in the company.

Going on the presumptions of another person on how people will react is not the wisest move either. I wouldn't let their preconceived insecurities be a basis of worry.

people are going to mess up and let a "him" or "he" slip from time to time. people aren't perfect and it will happen. Try not to let it bother you though. Most of the time they have no idea that they did it. The way I have handled this is after the moment has passed I will talk to them one on one and ask them to be more careful with their pronouns. They usually look confused and then I let them know what they said. They have always been apologetic and have not slipped since.

the first few weeks are going to be a lot of everyone getting used to a new situation. Yourself will be included in that as well. My "first" day back to work was actually a very uneventful day. It was like any other work day except my clothes were much cuter. going back on base for the first time was a bit more daunting that working in my cubicle though.

Keep a good positive thought process going on and don't let the little things discourage you and you will do just fine.

Quote from: Renae Lupini on June 11, 2007, 08:51:42 AM
Going on the presumptions of another person on how people will react is not the wisest move either. I wouldn't let their preconceived insecurities be a basis of worry.

Bev, listen to the girl here! It's SO true! I have one person here at work who is always telling me that everyone is freaked out by me, insisting that they're only being polite to my face, but saying mean things when I'm not there. Well, if hugs and well-wishes are "freaking out," I hope they freak out even more.

I tell him I came out to a neighbor and they were kind and wonderful, and he tells me, "Yea, to your face maybe. But you know they're going home and freaking out." I say, "No, I know them well, they're not like that, they're kind and honourable." And he added, "But how do you KNOW what happens when you're back is turned?"

WHATever. He also predicted coworkers would think me unstable, mentally sick and insane... that the women would never share a bathroom with me... that the construction workers would shun me from homophobia... on and on. And you know what? NONE of it happened.

On the other hand, as Renae said, people will slip with names and pronouns from time to time. They're not being mean, it just takes time to erase old habits and form new ones. People aren't really thinking about the meaning of "he" or "him" when they say it, they're just words they're used to attaching to you from before. It just takes awhile to form the new attachments. It'll happen though.

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on June 11, 2007, 12:09:10 PM

Quote from: Renae Lupini on June 11, 2007, 08:51:42 AM
Going on the presumptions of another person on how people will react is not the wisest move either. I wouldn't let their preconceived insecurities be a basis of worry.

Bev, listen to the girl here! It's SO true! I have one person here at work who is always telling me that everyone is freaked out by me, insisting that they're only being polite to my face, but saying mean things when I'm not there. Well, if hugs and well-wishes are "freaking out," I hope they freak out even more.

Yes, yes, yes. Good for you Kate.

Quote from: Kate on June 11, 2007, 12:09:10 PM
I tell him I came out to a neighbor and they were kind and wonderful, and he tells me, "Yea, to your face maybe. But you know they're going home and freaking out." I say, "No, I know them well, they're not like that, they're kind and honourable." And he added, "But how do you KNOW what happens when you're back is turned?"

Does it really matter what people think when you are not there? I think how they treat you face to face is what really counts and can be hurtful.

Hugs,

Rhonda

Sometimes people will slip, specially at first and then just now and then.  A few people at work never ever slip.  I just glow when someone says she or her when refering to me.  I've found that people are people,  some except you for you, some never do.  It does not worry me what they say away from work.  We all have options on everything anyway.

I was worried same as you, yet all in all, it's been a pretty easy transition for me so far.  and yes it is better being me full time. 

Good luck Bev  Enjoy for your being reborn

Beni

Beni, Rhonda, Kate, Renae, Jessica..........
Thank you all sooo much for your very positive support!  I know you are all exactly right, and I understand people better than some.  Renae.....yes, I work for a big company, and we have a very strict non-harrassment policy in place that does include gender identity. 
I had an off day, and ran back to a 'safe' place as soon as I got home.  I found though, I felt much safer, and much more at ease in my favorite vee-neck teal top, shorts, sandals, and brighter earrings, and the drab clothes made me feel rather uncomfortable, and ill at ease.  I am surprised that I even found enough to put a drab outfit together, as Marcy and I threw out all of my male clothes, except the work clothes, a week or so ago.

Today was a great day!  Marcy and I went out to lunch, were treated like ladies everywhere we went (which we are).  We stopped at 2 women's clothing stores and bought a few things to share, picked out and bought my first-ever women's swimsuit, and each got a new nail polish color. 
Life is good, especially when all of me jives, and especially with my soul-mate.

Thanks again, feeling like myself,

Bev,
woman on a mission!

Never go back.  You are ready.  Face it head on.  Love life dear.

S

You go girl, the time before you make the switch is the hardest - the easiest bit is yet to come. Hard to believe from that side of the fence but true.

And pronoun errors don't mean that people don't accept, by any means. Some people just have trouble reprogramming themselves. I recently applied for a position for which I needed 15 references. A couple of them phoned me and said they'd be glad to be my reference, but they were a little worried about screwing up pronouns. I said "no worries, try your best and if you don't get it right, don't sweat it." Hopefully that made them feel better about it. And none of them said that they didn't want to be a reference.

I have gay male friends who still call me 'bitch', but they do that to each other as well, so it's not too gendered for them. If your friend calls everyone 'dude' it might be the same for him. The important part is whether he supports you, not whether he can get the words right.

Dennis

Quote from: Dennis on June 13, 2007, 12:12:20 AM
If your friend calls everyone 'dude' it might be the same for him. The important part is whether he supports you, not whether he can get the words right.

Dennis

I have several friends that fall into this category. they use dude for everything and it is just who they are.

Girls fish too. Why dont you go fishing and honour your friend, get him settled in your mind so you are more mentally prepared for your work outing. Tackle the immediate, and I bet you catch a big one.

Quote from: Lori on June 13, 2007, 07:03:34 AM
Girls fish too. Why dont you go fishing and honour your friend, get him settled in your mind so you are more mentally prepared for your work outing. Tackle the immediate, and I bet you catch a big one.

Lori.....I'm going to do just that, and yes, girls fish too.  I taught my daughter, and even as a child, she put the local fisherman to shame!

Quote from: Bev on June 14, 2007, 08:09:00 AM

Quote from: Lori on June 13, 2007, 07:03:34 AM
Girls fish too. Why dont you go fishing and honour your friend, get him settled in your mind so you are more mentally prepared for your work outing. Tackle the immediate, and I bet you catch a big one.

Lori.....I'm going to do just that, and yes, girls fish too.  I taught my daughter, and even as a child, she put the local fisherman to shame!

I noticed when I was into fishing that i could have everything under the sun to better my chances of catching something and catching nothing all day. Then some little kid could walk up a stick, a shoelace, a safety pin and some bubble gum and put everyone to shame. This could be why i no longer fish. lol