Male clothing is actually a trigger for me, however I for now I have to deal with it, however a big trigger for me is going to the bathroom, that gets me every time...

-Christina

Quote from: Not-so Fat Admin on February 22, 2013, 08:15:00 AM
I'm sure you're lovely. Don't look down in shame sweetie.

Thanks, although for myself I doubt I won't believe it until I see it.

Quote from: BurningBrilliance on February 22, 2013, 08:50:45 AM


The mirror is defiantly depressing. Have you ever watched Mulan and listened to the song reflection.

"Why does my relection show someone I don't know...
"When will my reflection show who I am inside"

I have not seen that movie in 11 years or 10... Makes me feel kind of old now.. The worst part is I know by looking at the ground I know I bring more attention to myself than I need to. Which in turn brings more people to look at me and I guess the way I dress does that as well.

You can cry on my virtual shoulder anytime though .

Boy mode for work is a constant trigger

Seeing cute girls out and about that dont take care of themselves at all...do they even realize what they've got?

Mirrors

my mail order catalogs with all the pictures taunting me...grrrrr

I do have some decent things I like about myself so I try hard to focus on those to keep me going for now

I'm with you for boy mode for work. Hardly a day goes by without me retreating to the bathroom for a good cry because I have to project that front and wear that costume. I know I'm going to have to change jobs before coming out entirely, but having to maintain this false facade drives me crazy.

Donna from the new Dr Who series did it to me last night.

Quote from: Emily Elizabeth on February 22, 2013, 08:59:15 PM
Donna from the new Dr Who series did it to me last night.

Donna Noble? How?

C.

Quote from: AwishForXX on February 22, 2013, 10:27:47 PM
Donna Noble? How?

C.

I just find her very attractive and that seems to be a trigger for me.

Pretty woman, walking down the street... pretty woman... the kind I'd like to meet... pretty woman. 

Quote from: Cassandra Hyacinth on February 22, 2013, 01:43:24 PM
Touching my face and feeling stubble, even if it's clearly not visible to anyone else.

Oh, and showers. I limit those to once a week.

I forget to mentiojn the stubble eben though evry time i feel it i hasve the urge to pull out my shave r, at the moment i shave every couple of hours (or more).

I have a pair of underwear that I wera inthe shower so i don't have that thing moving aganst me or get8ing into my line of sight as i'm washing legs or feet.
when i have a bath i have to use bbath oils that turn the water miky, it meand i dont' see what i've got, unfortunatly my hostel doesnt have a bath

The big thing for me is anytime I'm reminded I still have a male appearance:

"Sir"...

"See that guy over there? Yeah, talk to him"...

*answering phone* "Hello?" "Yes, is Beth there?" "This is Beth"...*long pause*...."Hello Beth, this is..." 

Quote from: Beth Andrea on February 22, 2013, 10:53:18 PM
The big thing for me is anytime I'm reminded I still have a male appearance:

"Sir"...

"See that guy over there? Yeah, talk to him"...

*answering phone* "Hello?" "Yes, is Beth there?" "This is Beth"...*long pause*...."Hello Beth, this is..." 

I get that all nthe time, i'm having to go to lotsof meetins to try & get a home, i go to receptions & have to give my name more than once evry time, the always claim the ydidn't hear me first time but htey heard fine.

the phone one happens loads as well, obviuosly i need to work on my voice ore

I have been finding lately that when I untuck after a full day of being tucked, I feel like things are 3 feet in front of me.  This just makes the body dysphoria much worse.  and all i want to do is go hide in my bed.

Colleen.

My voice at times triggers me, not all the time mind you (Mostly when I slip up and let myself consciously register what I sound like.) but enough that i might decided to be a self imposed mute at some point in the future until I can fix it.

The part of town I work in is very uppity and image obsessed. There are lot's of fancy stores that I'll never be able to shop at. I see so many girls that all pretty and happy and totally oblivious and it makes me feel so out of place and self conscious. I have to go into Sephora all the time and it's like this entire world that is so out of my reality. Jealousy is unbearable.

But even when I see girls that I don't find attractive, it sets me off too. When I see a girl with wasted potential I just want to scream at them about how lucky they are and what they're wasting.

Being around guys just makes me roll my eyes and not want to have anything to do with them.

The bathroom mirror at work is a killer. It's the worst lighting and the ugliest room and every time I look in it I feel ugly and worthless and ashamed and then pissed off.

Getting "ma'am" from people before they correct themselves. That's a real tough one because I feel like I've made them feel bad. This happens at least once a week. Today I went to pick up lunch with 2 female coworkers and when we paid the clerk said "You ladies enjoy the rest of your day...oh, and you too." I wanted to die and it makes me feel so much worse about wishing I was just accepted like that.

I think at this point it's safer to ask me what doesn't trigger it.

The biggest ones for me right now are my body hair, which I loathe. There's a word for what I'm like: Hirsute. It's disgusting, and it's too much really to keep shaving off. Right now I only do my face and arms, but I hate doing my face because my skin is so sensitive I'm left raw and hurting for the rest of the day. It's why I had always had a full beard up until my epiphany. Not because I thought I looked good, but because I didn't really feel like causing myself pain on a regular basis.

Mirrors are my enemy. I hate the way I look. It's not uncommon for me to look at myself and think 'there's no way I'm ever going to pass.' I haven't even tried on anything girly yet because I know as soon as I see myself, I'm going to think that I look like a gorilla in a dress, and that's what everybody else is going to see and they're just going to all laugh at me.

I hate the sound of my voice. Moreso, I hate how it vibrates my throat, my chest, my head, because it's  a nice deep baritone. The irony is I answer phones for a living right now, so I have to hear myself speak all the time. Yesterday I nearly ended the day in tears because I talked so much and became so self conscious about it. It was bad enough that I called in sick today just so that I didn't have to go through that again.

When it's at it's worst I feel like giving up on life. I don't know how I'm going to go about transitioning when everything is just a reminder of how ugly I am, and I'm afraid that I'm going to be stuck just as I am, and nothing is going to change.

My arms, shoulders and chest (not the boobs part)

Quote from: TiffanyT on February 26, 2013, 10:13:39 PM

But even when I see girls that I don't find attractive, it sets me off too. When I see a girl with wasted potential I just want to scream at them about how lucky they are and what they're wasting.

Sooooo true, Tiffany! It was actually this that finally gave me the push I needed to pursue transition. They have a form I have dreamt of my whole life and they're destroying it with sedentary living and fast food. That's their prerogative, I guess, but it frustrates me to no end. But then, if they can have it and waste it, what's stopping me from getting it other than my own fear?

Yeah, I know. The grass is always greener... it is in no way my intention to ever shame anyone over their body type. Everyone is facing something difficult in their lives and I don't need to add to it by judging them on what they choose to do with their bodies.

.

I have a "Newtons Law" about triggers, for every bad trigger I try to find a an "equal or opposite" nice trigger...try to focus on the good points you have, eventually it helps cancel out the bad ones, and trust me I have some triggers that can really get me down

Bad point...my youth has slipped away from my face

One of my good points is my hips and waist, so happy that I have always had a natural girly waistline