So, I dont know if I already have made this post if im sorry, but im not good to remember what I have posted and not =/.

well.
pretty much all of my moms famely is death exept one old womanin whos currently living in california.
my mom is penpall with her and they always send stuff to each other and talk famely things. generaly she sent some text and chokolate or other kinds of pressents and so do my mom.

I havent come out to her and she is the only famely member who still use my girl name and send me "girl things".
I dont know if I should come out to her,

She is catolic and in her 90ties, and I feel the chance of her accentence would be limited, its not that im scared of her rejejcting me, I just dont want her to put blames on my mom and by that stop the contact, its as I mention the last member of my moms famely so I feel she means alot even when they havent seen each other and only writte.

on the other hand I also feel very guilty and akward about lying, I rejejcted to writte a card this year cause I couldnt get myself to use my female name, and its been years since we talked in phone, I think maybe my famely dont want to do so in fear she would ask for the "daughter" and my voice diffently dosent sound like a girl anymore..

I think its only a matter of time how long she got to live, so maybe the letter I would writte her will be the last one, maybe not,
I also talked about going to california with a friend, but it depressed me I wouldnt be able to visit her, she always writte "Ill love to see you" "god bless your children" "your all special to me".

So what do you think I should do,
should I come out to her, but she might rejejct my mom and never talk to us again,
or should I just go with the flow, after all its mostly my mom who keeps the contact, but I dont think she ever is to get the money, (or energy) to visit her by herself.

Have you talked to your mom about this? She may know how open-minded this older woman is, and if there is even a remote chance of rejection.

I do understand your fear, though. Older, especially religious people (not trying to offend anyone here!) are usually not that open minded. But people can really surprise you. I came out to two grandmothers and a grandfather last month, and they are all 70+ and very religious. Their reactions were amazing. They may not understand my 'problem', but they said they still love me for who I am, regardless of what choices I make. This woman may well surprise you too. But then again, I do not know her.

I would advise talking to your mom first, see what she thinks about all this.

Quote from: Mr.X on February 28, 2013, 11:52:45 AM
Have you talked to your mom about this? She may know how open-minded this older woman is, and if there is even a remote chance of rejection.

I do understand your fear, though. Older, especially religious people (not trying to offend anyone here!) are usually not that open minded. But people can really surprise you. I came out to two grandmothers and a grandfather last month, and they are all 70+ and very religious. Their reactions were amazing. They may not understand my 'problem', but they said they still love me for who I am, regardless of what choices I make. This woman may well surprise you too. But then again, I do not know her.

I would advise talking to your mom first, see what she thinks about all this.

she might be more wellknown but honestly I dont think she knows much more than I do as her english isnt that great and somethimes im translating her letters.
we know that her parrents was my moms fathers sister or something who imigrated to US back when this was a popular thing to do, because people belived it was "the country of dreams" and then she grew up there got a husband, and some kids and I would guess she is around 95 now, and she can only speak english.

I only remember speaking to her 1 time when I where around 9-11 and had learn some english. my brother is the best person in the famely to english so he and my dad manly spoke to her and then alittle also to my mom and me.
-
last christmas my mom said I should writte my female name on the card with my picture on and I refused,
she said then I would have to explain that I had changed name, but im unsure what this sentence mean,
cause my name is unisex, so theres a gap between saying. "I have changed my name" or "im actually transgender" you know..
my mom still got to send me the picture of me, who isnt really femenine at all, but well, I still look rather androgynous so I guess I could pass for a very tomboyish girl who looks like a guy.

I havent mention much for my mom, her main reaction if I get girl stuff or something is. "oh what can we expect she is an old lady, you should thank her, its the though who count"

Your mom seems to not want to have to deal with explaining anything to her.

Have you even met her?

Though you may want to open about this, might just be best to not deal with the hassle of trying to explain it to her. She's in her 90s, she's glad just to hear from you at all, and maybe it is all right to avoid complications and misunderstandings. She knows you think about her, and that is what matters at this point.

my mom is a private type of person. I dont know how to explain it in english, but she kinda got the belifs that your not to share "all kind of stuff, like being trans with others, neither should you care much of other people and just protect yourself" while im of the opposite opinion, I belive its okay to tell others about yourself and its important to help other people if posible.

I have never meet her in real life, only talked by phone and seen pictuers, but I guess I just been felling some guilt of lying to her

maybe you could writer her a letter, seal it, and then ask your mom to include it next time she sends her mail?

my mom expect me to writte her something, I refused the last time thou cause I didnt felt like using my old name which I havent used now in.. well that would be 4 years?

the questions is just whatever I should come out, or just pretend I still got my name and say thanks.

It sounds like you want to tell her.  On one hand, you might regret never telling her given she may not be around for much longer. On the other, she's way old, won't understand, especially with a language barrier - so you can just thank her.

Would your Mom even let you tell her?

Quote from: spacerace on March 01, 2013, 08:31:28 PM
It sounds like you want to tell her.  On one hand, you might regret never telling her given she may not be around for much longer. On the other, she's way old, won't understand, especially with a language barrier - so you can just thank her.

Would your Mom even let you tell her?

yeah thats my problem, exept I dont think the languarge for me would be a problem im just worried cause of her age and religion and suchs things.

I dont know if my mom will allows me to talk to her, I dont think so cause if I where to talk to her she would notice that my voice is like a man, and its even deeper in the phone.