I'm currently on medical leave from my university due to depression. In order to go back to school I need to present evidence of having completed a course of mental health treatment. I'm going to start next week!

I'm just wondering whether or not to tell any of them that I'm transgender. You see, it's the cause of a lot of my frustration right now, not so much dysphoria or wanting to transition as thinking that my family would hate me if they knew.

So I was wondering, when you all were just starting out, did you tell a therapist (not a gender therapist) you were trans? Would you recommend it? What have your experiences been coming out (or deciding not to come out) to mental health people?

Personally I came out to my mother first, then went to therapy. I kind of regret that, even though I wasn't disowned or snything.... it just feels really hard to "validate" myself now with her constantly believing things if it comes from the therapist, and even then she's extremely tentative.

Honestly I'm going to say families suck. 90% of the time. so it's a crapshoot. if they're funding your college life I wouldn't tell them unless you're sure they'll be decently ok.

Tell them.

Nothing to lose, everything to gain.

Your comments are private and confidential.

How long do you want to suffer before you get help?

Quote from: tomthom on March 01, 2013, 02:34:56 AM
Honestly I'm going to say families suck. 90% of the time. so it's a crapshoot. if they're funding your college life I wouldn't tell them unless you're sure they'll be decently ok.

My family has all sorts of problems unrelated to any issues they may have with my gender, so I'm not planning to tell them until I'm geographically separated from them (I made the terrible decision to go to college in the same city I grew up in.) Also they aren't paying for my college...but my grandmother is. 

Quote from: Cindy James on March 01, 2013, 02:39:10 AM
Tell them.

Nothing to lose, everything to gain.

Your comments are private and confidential.

How long do you want to suffer before you get help?

I guess you're right; I do feel like I should, but... I feel weird about it since when I came out as bi to the school's psych people it felt rather awkward and I kind of regretted it. 

I think, though, that since this person is charging me an arm and a leg (that my father has agreed to pay for whatever reason) if it goes over badly with her I can just say "I didn't care for her" and save everyone some money without having to say why. I do have that prerogative, at least.

I can only tell you what I would do, which is tell the therapist and not my family (at least not until you need to). The therapist has probably heard all sorts of stories as part of their job and will unlikely be fazed by yours. Conversely, you rarely (if ever?) divulge your gender dysphoria, so naturally you're going to feel awkward. What's the worst that can happen in a therapist's room? If you think that your gender dysphoria is the source of your current woes, you may even walk away from the therapist's having had a valuable experience.

Quote from: Marion on March 01, 2013, 02:56:27 AM
My family has all sorts of problems unrelated to any issues they may have with my gender, so I'm not planning to tell them until I'm geographically separated from them (I made the terrible decision to go to college in the same city I grew up in.) Also they aren't paying for my college...but my grandmother is. 

I guess you're right; I do feel like I should, but... I feel weird about it since when I came out as bi to the school's psych people it felt rather awkward and I kind of regretted it. 

I think, though, that since this person is charging me an arm and a leg (that my father has agreed to pay for whatever reason) if it goes over badly with her I can just say "I didn't care for her" and save everyone some money without having to say why. I do have that prerogative, at least.

Lets be serious Honey.

You have two choices in life about gender issues, find a rock and crawl under it or stand in the sun and live.

How we do either those is a different discussion. But if you are given an opportunity take it.

It gets crowded under rocks and being in the sun is nicer.

And no it isn't easy; until afterwards.

C

Quote from: Cindy James on March 01, 2013, 05:54:27 AM
Lets be serious Honey.

You have two choices in life about gender issues, find a rock and crawl under it or stand in the sun and live.

How we do either those is a different discussion. But if you are given an opportunity take it.

It gets crowded under rocks and being in the sun is nicer.

And no it isn't easy; until afterwards.

C

while you are inspiring as always, sometimes it's ok to be practical. plus the sun also gives you cancer if you stay out too long. going under the rock for a while is just fine. Just don't compromise your goal for their sake... regardless of the path that takes you down, the sunny or the shaded.

If you can't tell someone who is paid to talk to you about your life and keep it confidential then how can you move forward with transitioning if that's what you want? Just blurt it out, don't think about it, just do it.

Telling a complete stranger a hard thing and helps finding the right person though.  I spoke to a particular GP in my local practice, cause she had been recommended by a transwoman I knew, that had dealt with her before.  I certainly would have not wanted or felt right speaking to some male GPs I could have been put onto.   I thought telling a female, somehow they might be more sympathetic towards me too.

I told a counselor who I saw for something nontrans related, and it was good. He was super nice and nonjudgmental. 

I know how tough this can be.  Every therapist before the one I currently have I went to because somebody told me that I had to, or should be going. Going to one when you don't want to be there makes it really, really hard to open up. Even though I'd have Trans thoughts in the past, I'd always dismiss them and was deeply embarrassed to admit that they'd even exist to anybody, let alone to some guy I'm being forced to go to.

The difference between my current therapist, and my past ones is that this is the first one I actually wanted to go to, and that made it easier for me to open up to her. It also helped that she's a specialist in gender identity issues, so I knew I was opening up to an expert, and to somebody who would know how to handle my situation professionally.

You don't have to stick with the first therapist you see. Most have a free consultation period that you can use to see if this person would work out. I'd been to a couple before I settled on the one I had, and I would definitely spend the time to research your therapist to see their areas of expertise.