Okay, so this is going to be another super long post, but this one is extremely close to my personal life and is important to me and I really need some help/advice/feedback/encourage/anything. Thank you guys for taking the time to read this and to help me figure this out, it means SOOOO much to me honestly and I'm glad to have family here, which I have lacked over the years. Love you all!
So let me give a little background information so the references make sense to this post.
-I am adopted, and I've never been very close to my family due to the feeling of being neglected and the lack of effort they have exuded since I left to go to college(in my opinion).
-It was especially prevalent during my relationship with my ex; my ex even acknowledged my feelings on my family and she agreed with them and thought it was weird and she actually went as far to making some theories about it(Not relevant though).
-During my first 2 years of college, I was with my ex and I actually went "home" with her during school breaks, and even formed a good relationship with her family and her family did accept me as one of their own "mostly" at that time.
-One example of my feelings would be my ex is constantly harassed by her parents(specifically her mother) while we are away at school, and it's very surprising if she doesn't hear from her in a couple days. My parents almost never contact me, and the huge majority of the time, I am actually the one to initiate contact via texting or IM on facebook.
-My "parents" have financially struggled at times and I'm totally understandable of that and I'm not going to ask for much, but when I know you are constantly buying your biological children stuff and you don't even send me anything for Christmas, I do notice. For me, it really would be the thought that counts, I don't need them to buy me anything, trust me. They will say on facebook on a post or elsewhere, "you are always welcome home", but you don't try to help pay for air fair or anything, nor do you put much effort to have me come home now that I'm not in that serious relationship.
-A big one for me is the fact that they have NEVER came and visited me. My mother has PCOS(The syndrome) and she is part of a forum where she made pretty good friends who live on the east coast. I know of at LEAST 3 different occasions since I came to college where she went and visited them for an extended period(like a week "ish").
-Here is where it gets even more frustrating in my opinion- As well as my relationship breaking apart, my identity issues(At the beginning, but I was "out" already), I developed some health issues. My left lung had collapsed partially in September and I had to have minor surgery for that occasion. A few months went by I felt the same symptoms as before but it was clearly worse this time(pain and discomfort/breathing), since it is a collapsed lung. I needed to have MAJOR surgery and I had to be asleep for the surgery as well as I would have to stay at the hospital for a week afterwards. I obviously was trying my butt off to keep contact with my parents and develop that relationship and so I kept them informed of my situation and that I needed surgery + I had the surgeon talk to them, but my parents said it wasn't in the funds financially for either of them to come down. I was pretty annoyed at that point, but I was like fine, but I better not hear about some trip or something. The surgery was "successful"(not really in the end) and I eventually went home. 3 weeks later.......my left lung collapses AGAIN and I go to the hospital. This time I have to have more a more INVASIVE surgery that is also major but it isn't for a few days, and in the mean time they did a minor surgery and had me in a hospital bed. My mother had a trip planned already to go see one of her friends on the east coast, and ultimately she decided to not cancel that plane ticket and visit me LIKE A NORMAL PARENT WOULD. If I had a child and they were having an invasive and major surgery, I would be flying down there asap unless something urgent was needed at home but even still, but she still went to see her friend. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, YOU'VE GOT TO BE ->-bleeped-<-ING KIDDING ME! Okay, you probably get it, I'm mad, I'm annoyed, I'm pissed off.
-To add more salt to injury, I've approached them about my feelings of neglect and whatnot and they argue with me, saying I'm the one who doesn't do enough to talk to them and they do SOOO much for me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate them taking me in when I was 14 and raising me until I was 18, but besides that act, in my opinion, they haven't done ->-bleeped-<- for me as a parent.
Most recently, there was an issue that occurred between my uncle and I. He has always been there for me, and he was ultimately the connection of my adoptive parents and I( I knew him before I was adopted, but he isn't actually my uncle) and he helped me set up a bank account. I have 2 bank accounts with same back that are linked to different cards that look the same, just different information. I'm usually really good about knowing which card is which, and only one of these cards is linked to my uncle(He can't see transactions made with my other card). I have been recently waiting on my scholarship check and tax return to come in the mail, but they were delayed because of a paperwork mistake on their end and so I was running out of money for groceries and so I figured I would take out $100 bucks out of my account and just pay the overdraft fee in a week when I get my money, but some how I messed up and I used the other card which is still mine, but it is linked to his account so he could see as well. I guess he was also charged a $35 fee as well and I didn't know that he would either, nor did I even mean to use that card and so I felt bad. However they were acting like this was the end of the world, and I was already depressed and dealing with a lot with school and feeling lonely, etcc.... and they are pressuring me and putting me into a deeper despair when I already apologized, explained what happened and said I would pay back my uncle as soon as my funds come in. My mother then and went to facebook and posted something, like she usually does and I find it immature since she is my "parent" and I will quote what she said exactly.
Facebook post:
"REALLY tired of being made out to be the bad people when we have done nothing but provide as much support as we can (emotionally/financially)...it's getting exhausting and at some point it is all going to just stop because we can only take so much..."
Comments:
1) Boooo
2) Hun what's wrong?
3) Hang in there I hope everything is ok
4) We are fine It's someone we love and care about very much who is making some very bad choices. But you can only do so much! Just getting really tired of it...
5) Thanks everyone! Just pray for this person. They know who they are. They do not need to be identified, but they could use the thoughts/prayers. Just praying they make the right decision and get back on the path of becoming a successful adult who does something with their life...
My thoughts on this: So apparently I'm making TERRIBLE decisions with my life and I'm not going anywhere with my life, that's what I got out of her post.
So I decided I would stoop to that level and I made a status, which no one has seen yet because it's 2:30am right now, but here is what I said out of frustration
My post:
I'm not making bad choices, I made one mistake. I'm a full time student, I work at a great apartment complex and receive free rent; I'm active in clubs and I volunteer. I'm going to do everything I can to make up for that mistake, but I'm not going to let it control me. I had a devastating year where I was plagued with loss, health issues and identity issues, but all of these outcomes are leading to positive outcomes. I know who I am now and I'm afraid to be "me" anymore. I'm a good person and I don't need a stamp of approval, nor do I want one at all. I'm tired of being the person that initiates contact and makes conversation. Maybe it's selfish of me to want that reciprocity, but I'm far from selfish as an individual. I have my flaws, but I used to have more and I'm always trying to improve on these imperfections. I am a loyal friend and a good person. I'd rather speak up and be afraid than to be quiet and afraid.
=/
Thank you guys again for listening and please feel free to offer any and all feedback because this is something that has stumped me and I've never known how to deal with it exactly and it is a sensitive subject which I do struggle to talk about, but I'm finding the strength to talk about it on here because I've met a lot of amazing people on here and I value all of your opinions.
