Okay, so I said in my introduction post that I have had a series of outings this year. I came to online friends, the roommate and most recently my family and at this point I've seen acceptance in regards to my desire to transition and being transgender. I really don't think I've slept s well in my life as I have this last week knowing that.
Still, all my unfounded fears and living in denial haven't left me without a number of issues. I know I have gender dysphoria and there are just things that I must do for now, things that are expected of who the world sees me as now and these things still infuriate me and make me uncomfortable.
I have to go "dress nice" for job searches because even if you're applying for a fast food job or janitorial position this shallow BS really matters to people. I really, really hate putting on a suit and tie or even a polo shirt because I find them triggering to a great degree - to the point I even skip out on weddings and funerals as I'd be required to wear them (sounds terrible, I know, but I will).
It's something I'd easily do had I been born female or were at a point in transition where I could make it look good, but i seriously defer to t-shirt and jeans because its the most gender-neutral thing I have at this point that lets me feel comfortable, but is socially deemed "lazy" by the working world. All these years of experience, education and a good resume all seem less relevant to the world than looking nice.
Even when I put on the nice shirt and tie, feel like a fake for doing so and go out to show interest, then I'm told to go home and apply online.
And then i want to punch a kitten because it was all for nothing. Every employer wants to be an unique and special snowflake, but wants you to either come in with a manufactured personality or fill out their applications online. It even makes me wonder why I bother writing a resume.
I guess I just don't know how to get around the frustration of it.
