I am just curious what you girls do to feel feminine. I have  spent a great deal of my life putting on a male front, and was terrified of appearing gay, or of anyone figuring out my secret. How can I go about discovering my feminine identity. I am in the closet, and feel as if there is no way for me to feel feminine. I am also scared to try because I don't want it to be like an act, I just want to open up to this part that is already inside me. I have always been a rather androgynous person and do not want to be some frilly over the top caricature of a girl. I want to be a genuine real girl. So many things just seem neutral. Like how do you confront your problems differently while being a girl. Everything is exactly the same excepts for clothes, how you take care of yourself, hair removal. Mannerisms in conversations etc. All these things seem so small. Perhaps I can't really explore my feminine side while being so secretive and in the closet about my gender.

Quote from: Chantal185 on March 06, 2013, 07:35:05 PM
I am just curious what you girls do to feel feminine. I have  spent a great deal of my life putting on a male front, and was terrified of appearing gay, or of anyone figuring out my secret. How can I go about discovering my feminine identity. I am in the closet, and feel as if there is no way for me to feel feminine. I am also scared to try because I don't want it to be like an act, I just want to open up to this part that is already inside me. I have always been a rather androgynous person and do not want to be some frilly over the top caricature of a girl. I want to be a genuine real girl. So many things just seem neutral. Like how do you confront your problems differently while being a girl. Everything is exactly the same excepts for clothes, how you take care of yourself, hair removal. Mannerisms in conversations etc. All these things seem so small. Perhaps I can't really explore my feminine side while being so secretive and in the closet about my gender.

My male life I have never been really masculine to begin with though not feminine enough to have my sexuality questioned openly. To put it simply, I sucked at being a guy because I wasn't. I can't even act the part that well  . When I came out to my family most of them told me they thought I was possibly gay but they knew something was wrong. When i'm myself or essentially not around people i'm not out to yet, my feminine self sort of just comes out. It doesn't feel forced to me because its just...well...natural! I love being feminine but I don't let it stop me from enjoying the masculine aspects of myself as well. 

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For now what I do for the time being is wearing push-up bras and tight shirts, maybe yoga pants or a mini skirt, a nice short dress with some heels, and some perfume. Oh and lots of pink As far as hair removal goes, I find that stuff that you can put on in the shower and wash off with no blades works best. Of course this is a short term solution as I currently have lots of hair. I also have to keep things in the closet being that my current living situation prevents me from truly embracing femininity. Hope this helps.

As cliched as it sounds, Just be yourself and let it come naturally. IMO, transition is all about being one's self finally and truly. I think if you force it you'll come off as a caricature, like you said you were afraid might happen. Maybe start dressing in neutral women's clothes. I do that. I haven't worn men's clothes since I started HRT and I don't plan on it again. I'm just too comfortable to go back and when I've tried, it felt wrong. I'm not sure if anyone notice's or not.

I guess it takes time. Try to take on feminine activities that interest you. Drop masculine activities that don't interest you. Mannerisms can be changed gradually - if you had a habit of inhibiting your natural hand movements during talking, make an effort to stop doing that. Think of yourself in a feminine image - mentally put yourself in a female's shoes whenever you can.