How many people here feel guilt about being trans? I felt this way about my body from a young age, and I ended up coping by suppressing anything feminine about myself. The kids bullied me, and called me a "->-bleeped-<-got" because I was overly sensitive, and cried easily, and had a few feminine mannerisms. Today I feel guilty as though I have made myself trans. I know I didn't and there are too many things that simply do not add up unless it is genuine gender dysphoria I am experiencing. I haven't even began to transition because until I address these guilty feelings there is no way I would survive a transition. What did you do to overcome the guilt and shame?

Quote from: Chantal185 on March 06, 2013, 07:25:43 PM
How many people here feel guilt about being trans? I felt this way about my body from a young age, and I ended up coping by suppressing anything feminine about myself. The kids bullied me, and called me a "->-bleeped-<-got" because I was overly sensitive, and cried easily, and had a few feminine mannerisms. Today I feel guilty as though I have made myself trans. I know I didn't and there are too many things that simply do not add up unless it is genuine gender dysphoria I am experiencing. I haven't even began to transition because until I address these guilty feelings there is no way I would survive a transition. What did you do to overcome the guilt and shame?

I have felt a tremendous amount of guilt, along with fear and shame.

You didn't make yourself trans. Sounds like you're making yourself miserable, though. I'm not poking fun - I did the exact same thing.

My approach to overcome these feelings has been therapy (loads of it, with a queer/trans positive therapist), coming out as trans, and transitioning to live as the person I am.

Lately, I'm feeling a lot less guilt, fear, and shame.  Probably means I am in fact trans

Anyways, you aren't the first person to feel like this and you aren't alone!

And a mantra I have started hammering myself with every day:

It's okay to be transgender! Like seriously, it's totally okay to be trans.

Guilt and Shame...Where would we be without them?

It took years for me to make a dent in it. Still plenty of guilt left as I know how much me facing this demon head on for the first time in my life is hurting my wife. Though she is supportive I still kicked the table on her, on us. She knew from day one about me, but I had opted for faking "normal". Hell, I had a good 30+ year run at it  Yet, still guilty about the pain I caused her.

Shame was a bit easier to shed. A very BIG factor was/is my TG group and the fantastic people there. Finding them literally changed my life. (plain ole) Therapy also helped some. Most of that magic was simply saying out loud "I am trans". Saying it to others is far different than thinking it or saying it to yourself.

As you come to accept yourself for who you really are inside, by default you are loosing the shame brought about by hating yourself for who you are piled on top of the shame you feel for living a lie.

I sti do sometimes but you what it was not a choice to be trans. I was not going to transition and stay a guy. But all the girls I asked out either said no because they thought I was gay or had what they called a mistaken identity or just flax out said I was to much of a girl. So I don't feel bad most of the times for being trans because just like the rest if you I tried it the quote un quote normal way first. Alot if things are worse than being trans anyways. I kinda likes my life now

I wrestle with my guilt every day. Not over being trans, I fought that fight for too long to spend any more effort on that. I feel an immense amount of guilt for having taken so long to come to grips with it- for having dragged my wife in to a situation that she had no clue about and for the pain that she is going through right now. She deserves so much better than the muck I've made of things.

Shame, though, I've got none of that. Trying to pass as a cis man was a shame. There's no shame in allowing me to be myself.

Probably the best thing I did to overcome my guilt and shame was to get a therapist and allow myself to experience the therapy program.  I had an added issue, since I am also an Alcoholic and needed that put out of my misery too.   One thing from my AA program that hit the GD, is the concept that "no (man) likes to admit they are different from their fellow (man)."  I had to admit I was different from a ton of other people in regard to my addiction, so while I was at it, may as well admit I am different as far as gender identity goes too!!  Talk about a load behind me on a road!! 

In the therapy I had along with the 12 step program, honesty about all of me, and I mean ALL of me was the key to success.  Honesty about the Gender Feelings removed a key trigger to my drinking, the hiding of a secret.  The therapist provided me with someone whom I could be honest with, and who let me know when I reverted to the dishonesty.  I had been afraid to be honest, but once it happened once, it could happen again, and it has been. 

Even letting your feelings of the shame and guilt HERE is a step toward becoming open to others who can help you.  If you have a chance seek out a therapist, espcially one skilled in gender therapy, use the chance and become honest with the world.  It works.