I imagine that most people here go to therapists simply to hasten along their physical transition ... if that's you, and that's the only reason why you're going to therapy (for example: to get a T letter, etc.) then you're probably not going to have a lot to say on this thread (I could be wrong, but really if that's your main focus it's opposite of mine so ...)

That said, I'd like to hear from anyone else who is either currently going or has gone to therapy recently for "gender issues" (that could be gender identity, trans* stuff, genderqueer stuff, etc.) and how the process has been and if you've found it helpful at all.

It's been quite a number of years since I saw a therapist for any issues like this. I'm generally opposed to therapy because my past has definitely colored it for me. In other words, I haven't had a single good experience with a therapist (granted I've only been to 3). The last time I attempted to go to a therapist for gender issues they basically said something along the lines, "Well if you're not wanting to or unwilling to medically transition then there's no way you're male and you just need to accept that your female and live that life." So not only did they not believe me they pretty much said, "you're female, get over it".

I know there's not a lot of people out there who are unwilling to medically transition, but I do know that a lot of people initially go into therapy questioning and medical transition isn't the top thing on their minds (yet).

I also know that every therapist is different, however I know there's a "standards of care" out there for dealing with trans* individuals and I know it includes medical treatment as well I just don't know how much it's changed in the last decade to be more inclusive of non-binary or otherwise not typical cases (or they just basically do what they did 10 years to me and said you're not trans ...)

The other thing is therapy is expensive. There's also only 1 person in my area that even remotely deals with LGBT issues. I've been looking online and for most therapist who offer online sessions it's $120. That's a lot to pay when the potential to not really get any new benefit out of it is high.

So that's why I'd also like to see how many people out there DO find benefit with recent therapy. Also, how many people have tried online therapy as opposed to in-office/in-person?

It was helpful in that I learned to trust my therapist and was able to talk about some other issues I had never shared with anyone else.  The gender issues were never a real issue, I knew who I was and she accepted that after the first session.

The first time I went to a therapist for trans related issues was 2001. My therapist was trans herself so she knew a lot of course. She was very transition oriented. Same with the last therapist I went to for gender issues in 2009. Maybe it is because most people want to medically transition and they don't know how to approach someone who doesn't.

Quite possibly you could see a regular therapist at a lower cost since you're not looking to receive anything to proceed with transition. I mean, they'll probably see you as confused but might be able to offer insight in other areas?

Not sure, but best of luck with it.

I have an aversion to therapy for bad experiences in the past as well, so when I came to the realization that I had to go through a few months of it to start the medical part of my transition, I wasn't ecstatic. I've got a lot of deep-rooted issues, some related to gender and some not, that would probably benefit from therapy, and I'm actually considering going to see another therapist soon to try and sort through it all. But that bit is irrelevant.

At the time I was doing therapy with the intent of getting a letter of referral for testosterone, I was living in Texas. It was a smaller town, so I ended up going to Austin to find a counselor. She works on a sliding scale, so I wound up paying about $40 for each session -- most of which were online. I only saw her twice in person and she wrote my letter in December to say we'd been seeing each other for three months.

The only reason I had to see her in person was because I was after a letter, but if you don't need that it's likely she could see you online exclusively (through Skype). She specializes in the whole gender continuum thing and was really nice and understanding about everything. I went in a little headstrong, making it pretty clear that all I wanted was a letter, so we didn't talk about much other than that and the reactions my family were having at that time, but I still feel as though she was helpful and managed to give me some perspective.

Here's a link to her website. Tracy Deagan was my counselor, but I'd venture to guess the others are equally as equipped to deal with such things. I'm sure that there are other places you can get online counseling on a sliding scale-- and I'm not 100% if this is something she can do if you're out of state, but it's worth a shot?-- I just wanted to share this resource.

I went to therapy because it is part of the transition process. The genderteam here wishes to know the person who wants to transition and dig out any other issues that could be at play at the same time. If there are, they will help with that.

My experiences are rather good. My psychologist is also a sexuologist and it showed. There were many topics that we discussed that I have never discussed with anyone before. As embarassing as some topics were, it felt so refreshing to talk to someone about it.

I also think that talking about how you feel regarding your genderissues is a good thing. I never did that with my family (we're just not talkers), so again, it was very new and relieving to be able to do this, even if it was with a stranger.

I initially went and saw a therapist because it was a required part of the process. But then I realised I could use the opportunity to deal with a whole bunch of baggage from my past, stuff I didn't need to carry forward. That's been the biggest bonus of the whole deal.

I really went to therapy more to figure out what was going on with me. It really helped me. But also I will be able to use this therapist for  a letter or two.

--Jay

I'm genderqueer and FTM and not looking to transition hormonally or surgically, and I've found therapy extremely helpful for figuring out what makes me happy and reduces my dysphoria. That said, I've also looked specifically for therapists who look at gender as a spectrum and accept non-binary identities. There are a ton of awful therapists out there, and I completely understand why your experiences with dismissive, rude therapists has put you off. No therapist worth their salt will EVER tell you to "just get over" something even indirectly or tell you your identity is invalid. Their job is literally to understand you, and if you feel like they don't understand you and refuse to, you shouldn't be giving them your money. I ended it with one I'd been seeing because she kept telling me that my relationship was doomed and even laughed about it (and we're still together, several years later) and she referred to my identity dismissively as "whatever you call yourself". So I looked for someone else, and that was a much, much better experience. I've seen several other therapists in the past few years due to moving around, and I have to say that I really believe it's enabled me to be a happier, healthier person. I'm probably biased due to being a psychologist (not the clinical therapist kind, the experimental kind), but I've seen great effects personally. I also have insurance that covered all my therapists, so the money drain wasn't such a big deal for me.

The thing about therapy is that it will not help you unless the therapist is a good match for you in personality and technique, and there is great variety in styles and knowledge about gender issues. It's rough that you don't have many options in your area, since that will make it even tougher to find a good match. Still, I'd try emailing them (even the ones who don't say they specifically work on LGBT issues) to ask how knowledgeable they are about gender/trans issues and non-binary identities. You may luck out. And, if you have insurance, maybe call them to see if they will cover online therapists at all? I personally haven't tried online therapy, but I suspect that it's probably not as effective but a better option than nothing or seeing someone who doesn't understand.

Just generally, I'd suggest HelpPro as the best therapist-finding website. You can search specifically for gender identity as a specialization, which is how I've found a few of my therapists.

I've been in and out of therapists offices all my life. I never really had any real luck with them, but that's because I was there because other people wanted me to be there. This is the first time I actually wanted to be with a therapist and I'm finding that she's amazingly insightful and helpful. I went to her because I knew I didn't know everything about being trans. I didn't even know, at that point, if being transsexual was right for me, or if I even was, or if I was just being delusional. I came to her to have her help me sort my stuff out.

For example, when I came to her office for the first real session, I told her that I was worried that I was too late to transition. I thought it was something that you could only really successfully do if you were young, and in your 20s. She looked at me with, and with great concern she asks, "Would it help if I told you that I treat people who are in their 60s who are just starting to transition?" I just broke down in tears at that point. Yes, it had helped immensely. Even though I've only been seeing her for the past couple of months, and even though she's promised to write me a letter of recommendation for starting HRT I still plan on seeing her. I may, for economic reasons, see her less frequently as I start putting myself back together, but I think, for me, it's a necessary part of the process.

I also can't emphasize enough what others have said here, that it's worth your time to shop around. Don't go with the first therapist you find. Most of them will offer a free consultation, and you can use that to get a good feel if they're a good fit for you or not. My therapist wasn't the first one that I contacted, and I spent two weeks talking to several different ones before I determined that she was the best one for me.

Thanks for all the input. I'm going try an appointment with the one person close by (who supposedly has dealt with LGBT issues). I'm not sure what I should come out of the gate with talking about though. Usually, when someone actually chooses to go to a therapist and they're not being forced to go for one reason or another, they've probably got a list of things they want to deal with. My list is pretty short. So it's pretty much dysphoria and how to be happier with just general life since I have this "big secret" that only a tiny handful of people I interact with even know about.

When I first met my therapist I came out to her right off the bat. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but in the end that's what I was there for, and she was a specialist on the field so it was with pitting all my cards on the table.

Quote from: Shodan on March 08, 2013, 07:57:01 PM
When I first met my therapist I came out to her right off the bat. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but in the end that's what I was there for, and she was a specialist on the field so it was with pitting all my cards on the table.

Yeah ... it might be best if I just come right out and say it, then go into a little of my history. No use wasting time beating around the bush because really my only other "issue" that I would see a therapist for would be stress management ... which really has nothing to do with my gender issues.

therapy is a mirror as much as it is a table for discussion, so you might find it agitates and uncovers more than just the issues you have going in

And, to add to the recent conversation, many therapists will ask you what your goals are in your first session--so yes, having a list of things to talk about is totally normal! The other thing is that the sooner you come out to them, the sooner you can figure out how good of a match for you they are. Then like you said, you can start going into your history and getting to the good "work".