I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. He says he loves me but won't even take me to his house because he has a roommate. I have no doubt that if I was a cis woman he'd have me there and around his grown kids and friends, because even though I'm not some hottie, I'm not a dog, either. So there's obviously an issue of me not passing in his eyes, and I'll always be in the shadows of his life. In the end, I'm just a f**k and another piece of forbidden fruit to him, and that's not good enough for me now, and it never really was. Mira

Quote from: Miranda Elizabeth on March 09, 2013, 02:11:36 AM
I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. He says he loves me but won't even take me to his house because he has a roommate. I have no doubt that if I was a cis woman he'd have me there and around his grown kids and friends, because even though I'm not some hottie, I'm not a dog, either. So there's obviously an issue of me not passing in his eyes, and I'll always be in the shadows of his life. In the end, I'm just a f**k and another piece of forbidden fruit to him, and that's not good enough for me now, and it never really was. Mira

Sorry to hear that Mira.. If we were on the same continent, I'd suggest we do dinner.. My GF has gone AWOL.. Not answering her phone and not home. And she was expecting me..

Quote from: Miranda Elizabeth on March 09, 2013, 02:11:36 AM
I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. He says he loves me but won't even take me to his house because he has a roommate. I have no doubt that if I was a cis woman he'd have me there and around his grown kids and friends, because even though I'm not some hottie, I'm not a dog, either. So there's obviously an issue of me not passing in his eyes, and I'll always be in the shadows of his life. In the end, I'm just a f**k and another piece of forbidden fruit to him, and that's not good enough for me now, and it never really was. Mira

I'm sorry Miranda you deserve a whole lot better than the way you were treated.

So sorry to hear it Miranda.  But heather was right you deserve some one better. someone who cherish you for who you are, a wonderful and good looking woman.
Hugs

Quote from: Miranda Elizabeth on March 09, 2013, 02:11:36 AM
I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. He says he loves me but won't even take me to his house because he has a roommate. I have no doubt that if I was a cis woman he'd have me there and around his grown kids and friends, because even though I'm not some hottie, I'm not a dog, either. So there's obviously an issue of me not passing in his eyes, and I'll always be in the shadows of his life. In the end, I'm just a f**k and another piece of forbidden fruit to him, and that's not good enough for me now, and it never really was. Mira

Oh Miranda,
          I'm saddened that this has happened to you, after all of the disappointments in life and the remarkable turn around and how you have managed to overcome so much, you don't need or deserve this. Unfortunately this happens to some of the nicest women all too frequently. Whatever happens don't let this take you down honey, you have come entirely too far and this will soon be a blip in your rear view mirror. Wish you lived close by, you definitely would get some TLC from Auntie Shan!

Miranda, I'm sorry to hear this has happened. You are so beautiful, and I don't see how you would ever not pass or be read/clocked. I hope one day I will look as pretty and passable as you.

I know what you mean with not everyone being "respectful", I usually get a few stares and questioning looks every day- getting less and less though But I just usually look back and smile. People should be more open minded and know that being trans isn't weird or threatening. Also I'm still in the early stages of starting to use my new voice, so sometimes it slips back into nearly full male mode Luckily my word choice and inflection is always there to help me out.

Thanks so much for your kind words to me. I don't pass everywhere, but I don't seem to mind it at all. I haven't received any "bad" reactions and I don't think I'll care much if I do. I'll probably just be sad for them for having such a closed mind. I am always cautious of putting myself in dangerous situations, and luckily there haven't been any so far.

Sorry I didn't respond sooner, I have been sicky the past week and last night it took a turn for the worst- I came down with a 102.3 fever. Now I'm feeling a lot better, my doctor gave me some antibiotics and already it seems to be helping. Temp almost all the way back to normal! When I was getting my meds, the guy at the counter said hmmm has [male name] gotten prescription here before?? (my old male name was on the rx sheet bc my new name isn't legal yet). I was like uhhhh oh yeah... that's me... or, that used to be me Definitely lightened my day to know that I was passing with a massive fever (until I gave it away) haha.

Hope you are feeling better and that the rest of your weekend is bright. You are beautiful and I wish the best for you

*hugs*

I'm so sorry to hear how you were treated, Miranda - but happy for you that you are no longer with a person who would treat you so.

Hugs - Sadie

Quote from: Miranda Elizabeth on March 09, 2013, 02:11:36 AM
I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. He says he loves me but won't even take me to his house because he has a roommate. I have no doubt that if I was a cis woman he'd have me there and around his grown kids and friends, because even though I'm not some hottie, I'm not a dog, either. So there's obviously an issue of me not passing in his eyes, and I'll always be in the shadows of his life. In the end, I'm just a f**k and another piece of forbidden fruit to him, and that's not good enough for me now, and it never really was. Mira

Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on March 09, 2013, 02:19:23 AM
Sorry to hear that Mira.. If we were on the same continent, I'd suggest we do dinner.. My GF has gone AWOL.. Not answering her phone and not home. And she was expecting me..

Quote from: Heather on March 09, 2013, 02:32:17 AM
I'm sorry Miranda you deserve a whole lot better than the way you were treated.

Quote from: anya on March 09, 2013, 02:53:55 AM
So sorry to hear it Miranda.  But heather was right you deserve some one better. someone who cherish you for who you are, a wonderful and good looking woman.
Hugs

Quote from: Shantel on March 09, 2013, 08:44:08 AM
Oh Miranda,
          I'm saddened that this has happened to you, after all of the disappointments in life and the remarkable turn around and how you have managed to overcome so much, you don't need or deserve this. Unfortunately this happens to some of the nicest women all too frequently. Whatever happens don't let this take you down honey, you have come entirely too far and this will soon be a blip in your rear view mirror. Wish you lived close by, you definitely would get some TLC from Auntie Shan!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your love, kindness and support. I had a very bad day yesterday, which made me finally face the relationship I was in. And even though what I said to you was true in fact, not all of it was true in spirit. I left him an e-mail last night, then left a text message asking him to read an important e-mail I'd written him. He called me this morning and told me that even though it hurt terribly to let me go, he owed it to me to be honest with me and he's always been. He started to cry within a minute of our conversation and so did I, especially when he told me he really loves me and doesn't want to stop seeing me. Every time we've been out on dates and/or made love and stayed the night in a nice local hotel, which, though not enough, were quite a few, he never made me feel anything less than a woman, his girl, from his covering me with his jacket in the cold, to pulling out my chair in restaurants, standing when I went to the ladies room, opening the car door and every other door and more. I know he loves me, and I love him a lot, as he is the kindest man I've ever known. But in the time we've been together, five months, my attitude towards myself and our relationship has changed, and being in the shadows, even with this kind, caring and honest man who made me love myself as I saw and felt his love for me, is no longer adequate for me as a woman. Like Julia Roberts said in "Pretty Woman" after being with Richard Gere for a week, how being a kept woman was no longer good enough for her, saying, "I want the fairy tale." So do I, and I can't and won't settle for having anyone, especially my guy, treat me as if I'm anything less than a flesh and blood woman, and he made me feel this way when he let me know that his family and home would be off limits, with no change in sight. That's the dichotomy and most painful part of it, even though I haven't completely given up on my ex, (God, it hurts so much to say that.) we have to take a few steps back, and maybe he'll understand that I, and his love for me, are much more important than the initial feelings of his family if and when they found out I'm a transwoman.  And they would, I told him clearly and early in our conversation this morning, because even though I pass easily enough, my transition is exactly that, transition. I've only been living as a woman for 18 months out of my 58 years, and I'm bound to show enough of my past life, probably sooner than later, that his ex-wife and both kids would figure it out. He cried for most of the twenty or so minutes we were on the phone, telling me that until about two weeks ago that he'd been afraid to tell me he loved me even though I saw it in his eyes and felt it in my soul, because he didn't want to give me false hopes of our love going where he wasn't ready to take it. So I'm going to see other guys, eventually, but I'm not ready to see anyone now, including him. So, ladies, please don't think he's a bad man for being honest, blame this world for twisting us up into caricatures of womanhood, when we're nothing less than cis women other than the fact we can't YET bear children. God bless us all, we certainly deserve it!!! Much love and many hugs, Mira

Your comments reduced me to tears, I do understand where you both are in such a personally intimate way. Never say never, we just never know what tomorrow will bring, this could turn completely around in time we never know. Life can be such a terrific adventure if we look for that silver lining, I know it will come to you sweetheart!

Quote from: Shantel on March 09, 2013, 06:33:55 PM
Your comments reduced me to tears, I do understand where you both are in such a personally intimate way. Never say never, we just never know what tomorrow will bring, this could turn completely around in time we never know. Life can be such a terrific adventure if we look for that silver lining, I know it will come to you sweetheart!

Thank you sooo much, Shan. I'm hoping he can put me and his love for me in the proper perspective, then let his family see I'm female, what kind of woman I am, and how happy he's been with me. He told me it's been decades since he's been in love until me, and how hard it was to not tell me he loves me until a few weeks ago. Then he's told me virtually everytime we spoke or were together. I saw it in his eyes when we'd be talking, or especially, making love more than two months ago. I truly believe the eyes are the windows of the soul and I know he's telling the truth when he tells me he loves me. It's so hard to hear a man cry, especially a good man you're in love with and it's bringing tears just writing about it. I didn't think I was worthy of being loved and he's shown me I am. I owe him my heart, but he owes me his back, and if it doesn't happen there will be an emptiness in both I don't want to think about. Hugs, hun. Mira

Quote from: Miranda Elizabeth on March 09, 2013, 02:11:36 AM
I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. He says he loves me but won't even take me to his house because he has a roommate. I have no doubt that if I was a cis woman he'd have me there and around his grown kids and friends, because even though I'm not some hottie, I'm not a dog, either. So there's obviously an issue of me not passing in his eyes, and I'll always be in the shadows of his life. In the end, I'm just a f**k and another piece of forbidden fruit to him, and that's not good enough for me now, and it never really was. Mira

I am so sorry, Miranda.  No one deserves that, and definitely not you. We transwomen have to be very careful about who we date, as there are a lot of guys who will either be perverts, jerks or players!

*offers hugs to Miranda*
I have to say you made the right decision, you have far too much worth to be forced to be in the shadows of his life.  There will be someone who will value you like you deserve to be valued and make you part of their entire life.

I will echo what everyone else has said here. You deserve someone who will be proud to show you off, and you should never settle for less than that. Ever.

Sorry you went through that Miranda; it is no fun being someone's secret "love" when you want more.

Just a thought: You would know better the details, but when a guy says he can't take you home because he has a roommate, it often has nothing to do with gender. This happens all the time to my cisgender friends who date. It usually means that the guy is married or has a significant other, and is NOT in an open relationship. In other words, cheating. Same thing if he has a landline phone but you must never call it, or refuses to acknowledge you on social media, or won't introduce you to his friends.

Either way, you did the right thing by cutting him off, especially if he insists on keeping you from family as well.

Are you SUUREE it was because you're trans?

Most guys I know, myself included tend too take a LONG time before introducing our girlfriend to our family and friends.
I hope you talked too him about it first to make sure of the situation.

Quote from: MadelineB on March 09, 2013, 11:20:16 PM
Just a thought: You would know better the details, but when a guy says he can't take you home because he has a roommate, it often has nothing to do with gender. This happens all the time to my cisgender friends who date. It usually means that the guy is married or has a significant other, and is NOT in an open relationship. In other words, cheating.

Why is it always cheating? I swear, it's always the worst case scenario when it's about a man.
How about maybe his roommate is an ->-bleeped-<- and might treat her badly and he didn't want to risk her being hurt?
Or how about maybe he was just not ready for her too meet everyone?  Especially if his kids are involved(grown or not.)
I hope the OP talked to him about it first and took the time to understand his reasoning.

Quote from: Jayr on March 09, 2013, 11:54:35 PM
Are you SUUREE it was because you're trans?

Most guys I know, myself included tend too take a LONG time before introducing our girlfriend to our family and friends.
I hope you talked too him about it first to make sure of the situation.

Why is it always cheating? I swear, it's always the worst case scenario when it's about a man.
How about maybe his roommate is an ->-bleeped-<- and might treat her badly and he didn't want to risk her being hurt?
Or how about maybe he was just not ready for her too meet everyone?  Especially if his kids are involved(grown or not.)
I hope the OP talked to him about it first and took the time to understand his reasoning.

I didn't think about him being with another woman, and I trust him that he hasn't been. We spoke yesterday morning and he couldn't stop crying and he's not a cryer. He was an Army medic in  Vietnam. He told me he loves me a lot and realizes just how much in the last few weeks. I still want our relationship to work, but I simply can't let it continue without more commitment, and I think he will...Jayr, he admitted to me that he's afraid of what his ex wife and kids will think of him not only dating, but being in love with a transwoman. His son just started working for him a few weeks ago, and was raised in a white bread, picket fence world. I agree with you about his roommate, because he told me the guy is an ->-bleeped-<-. My guy's surrogate father passed away in late December and he paid for the funeral and everything else. He had to take care of everything else too, and spent the last week of the guy's life to help his wife. Before he paid several thousand in funeral costs and missed almost three weeks work he was looking for a house or condo to buy so I could stay there with him sometimes, and his financial situation really suffered. He hasn't spoken much of it in the last month. About being around his family, I pass easily, but I'm positive that I'd slip up with them and say or do something pretty male. I was a really good athlete and probably know too much about sports for a woman and I know for me, it's one thing spending a few minutes or hours with someone and passing, but under scrutiny for hours by his family I'm going to blow it. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses for him, but it took me 56 years to accept myself completely and he's new to this. Like me he's a baby boomer and we were taught before anything, "what will the neighbors think?!?!" I'm into the second day of this and I've decided I'm not going to let this relationship die without fighting for him, even though I won't let it continue as it has. There's nowhere he's afraid to be seen in public with me. We've gone out to dinner lots of times, to the movies, he's even gone shopping with me for clothes and lots of guys are really uncomfortable doing that. He holds my hand or has his arm around me all the time. He kisses me in public, though we don't make out like we're fifteen. When I think of my world being without him now, I'm lonely already. When we didn't see each other we talk on the phone, e-mail, texts, voicemails...I love how he's tender and loving, but powerful making love, and kisses great. Before he came into my life I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. He made me realize I deserve a good man and I still hope he's the one I'm with for the long run. I love him. We've been together for five months and haven't had one fight! I just hope that he's so lonely and misses me so badly that he reexamines what's making him keep me out of such an important part of his life and he realizes that they will just be happy so see him happy and satisfied with me, or at least take the chance to give them that opportunity. Thank you all sooo much for your kindness, honesty and Support Every single post has made me think about what direction I should take. Love and hugs, Mira                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Perhaps the shock of the breakup will help him reevaluate his priorities. The fact is guys are going to worry. My wife, who is a post-op MTF had several bad experiences like yours. It sucks. Next level of sucking is when he tells some trusted confidant that you are a TS, then brings you around to meet them. Think smell test. Of course the third parties judgement has already been poisoned. You fail the test, and.....

In my TG group we a member whom we are all envious of. Beautiful, post-op, smart, professionally and personally accomplished. Yet, unattached. One day the group's facilitator and I were talking and she came up. If I was a few years younger and not married... what a catch I said. Then she reminded me, "It takes a very special guy..."

So sad.... So true