So I had my first therapy meeting last Friday...and Im back to being pretty depressed again. She basically told me that I have a social phobia and that I would have to get over that in order to transition...I'm trans, why do you think I have a social phobia? Probably because I'm trans, not just because I'm afraid of what other people think of me. She's treating the symptom and not the problem at hand.

And she obviously has no interest or knowledge in trans issues, she didn't even ask me any questions about how far I wanted to transition, or "why do you feel that life would be better after you transition". Nope, just stamp me with anxiety and social phobia and send me on my way. Not to mention the fact that she told me that the nearest gender clinic is in Edmonton (which is 6 hours away).

I'm almost ready to quit because at every turn when I try to get help life just s***ts on me. I haven't booked another appointment with her...and I probably won't.

As you stated it, it does seem as though she just wrote you off. I don't know what criteria goes into the therapy process, but your criteria should be at the top of the list.

Warmest Regards - Sadie

Quote from: Sadie May on March 10, 2013, 11:54:32 AM
As you stated it, it does seem as though she just wrote you off. I don't know what criteria goes into the therapy process, but your criteria should be at the top of the list.

Warmest Regards - Sadie

I should note that she isn't a gender therapist, but I was told she is the best in town because she's a Psychiatrist...mostly dealing in drug addiction therapy.

I just don't know what to do anymore...There isn't anyone who is adequately suited for LGBT issues around here...

I tried to look online, but that's pretty much like finding a diamond in a haystack.

I'm depressed and not doing well...and no one cares, not even the f***ing health care system. I'll be lucky if I last another month.

Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 11:42:24 AM
She basically told me that I have a social phobia and that I would have other over that in order to transition.

This is mularkey, poppycock, baloney and a whole bunch of other untruthful words that probably violate the TOS.

First of all, your therapist DOESN'T GET TO DECIDE whether you transition. You do.

Second of all, Gender Identity Dysphoria doesn't take a vacation just because the individual also has social phobia. GID is serious and must be treated or VERY BAD THINGS happen.

IMO, anyone who doesn't understand these has no business treating transgender patients.

There is a saying which applies here sky-blue:
When a therapist only has a hammer, all of your problems will look like a nail.

When you are holding a glass slipper in your hand and trying to find the courage to put it on, the last thing you need is a maniac with a hammer saying they can help you.

Unfortunately, not all shrinks have the good sense and professional ethic to say: "I can help you with A, or B, but I really am not trained or qualified to do anything for C, so if you will authorize me to talk about your case to other professionals for this purpose, I will be glad to refer you to someone who is better equipped to help you."

Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 12:03:20 PM


I'm depressed and not doing well...and no one cares, not even the f***ing health care system. I'll be lucky if I last another month.

You should work on your depression before anything else. I've seen several threads where you have talked about suicide you have to get these feelings out of the way first. Did you explain that you were considering suicide? Social anxiety is not your problem depression is! Transitioning will probably be the hardest thing you will do in life. And it not something you want to start when you already have depression. Please Sky get some help about this I don't want you to become another statistic.

Quote from: Heather on March 10, 2013, 05:51:21 PM
Transitioning will probably be the hardest thing you will do in life. And it not something you want to start when you already have depression. Please Sky get some help about this I don't want you to become another statistic.

Mmmm, well, I kinda disagree. I have lifelong depression. If I'd tried to cure that before transitioning, I'd be...well, I wouldn't have transitioned yet.

I also had situational depression. I was more and more depressed because I wasn't living the life I wanted to live. I think the only way for me to cure that part of the depression was to start my transition.

I've had quite a few friends who were not in a good place when they started transitioning, but they needed to start anyway. And they did, and they are the better for it. But support is key.

Sky-Blue, can you try another therapist? That seems to be your best option at the moment, unless you can clarify things with the current one...and that doesn't seem very likely. You do have options, but you have to recognize them and then exercise them. And recognize that there will likely be setbacks. But you can do it...just take it one step at a time, and always have a backup plan.

Quote from: Heather on March 10, 2013, 05:51:21 PM
You should work on your depression before anything else. I've seen several threads where you have talked about suicide you have to get these feelings out of the way first. Did you explain that you were considering suicide? Social anxiety is not your problem depression is! Transitioning will probably be the hardest thing you will do in life. And it not something you want to start when you already have depression. Please Sky get some help about this I don't want you to become another statistic.

Isn't that just treating the symptom and not the cause?

At this point I don't have an identity, there is nothing left TO treat...

Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 06:17:08 PM
Isn't that just treating the symptom and not the cause?

At this point I don't have an identity, there is nothing left TO treat...

You certainly have an identity! Just because the rest of the world might not be on board yet does not diminish who you are.

Quote from: Arch on March 10, 2013, 06:15:30 PM
You do have options, but you have to recognize them and then exercise them. And recognize that there will likely be setbacks. But you can do it...just take it one step at a time, and always have a backup plan.

I don't have any therapists around where I live that actually know anything about trans issues. Nor do I have the money to go to one, unless its someone within the public healthcare system. My doctor doesn't know any therapists that know anything about trans stuff, and in fact my doctor was the one who referred me to the Psychiatrist that I was talking about.

My parents are religious and keep trying to convince me that I'm just "making it all up" or that I'm "just really confused". Which is also the vibe I got from my "not so understanding" Psychiatrist.

Bottom line...I don't have support, I have no one. At this point I have no motivation to keep trying; because every time I try it never works out.

In my neck of the woods, psychiatrists don't do much talk therapy--they are into pharmaceuticals and adjusting meds, stuff like that. Does your health system recommend a therapist or a psychiatrist?

I definitely agree with Heather on the suicide issue. If you are thinking about it, then you need help from a true professional, even if it's this unpromising psychiatrist.

But every therapist has to start somewhere. Seems to me you can find a compatible therapist who isn't practiced in trans issues--he or she can always learn more about trans issues, but nothing can substitute for the genuine connection between a client and a therapist who is a "good fit." And if you are thinking about suicide, even an average therapist is better than none at all.

Quote from: Arch on March 10, 2013, 06:31:46 PM
In my neck of the woods, psychiatrists don't do much talk therapy--they are into pharmaceuticals and adjusting meds, stuff like that. Does your health system recommend a therapist or a psychiatrist?

I definitely agree with Heather on the suicide issue. If you are thinking about it, then you need help from a true professional, even if it's this unpromising psychiatrist.

But every therapist has to start somewhere. Seems to me you can find a compatible therapist who isn't practiced in trans issues--he or she can always learn more about trans issues, but nothing can substitute for the genuine connection between a client and a therapist who is a "good fit." And if you are thinking about suicide, even an average therapist is better than none at all.

The problem is that she has so many clients that it takes a month (I'm not exaggerating) just to get an appointment...plus she seems to be one of those elitist Psychologists that thinks they know everything...I don't think she'll change her diagnosis of social phobia...

Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 06:34:57 PM
The problem is that she has so many clients that it takes a month (I'm not exaggerating) just to get an appointment...plus she seems to be one of those elitist Psychologists that thinks they know everything...I don't think she'll change her diagnosis of social phobia...

I've heard of people who connect to gender therapists through skype. Someone on this board my know a therapist who does that.

Quote from: suzifrommd on March 10, 2013, 07:05:15 PM
I've heard of people who connect to gender therapists through skype. Someone on this board my know a therapist who does that.

My computer camera and mic aren't so great...otherwise I would do it in a heartbeat. Plus, they cost more money than a therapist that is part of public medical care.

Not to shoot down your idea or anything. I've considered it before as someone had sent me a link to a site with Skype enabled therapists.

Quote from: Bailey on March 10, 2013, 07:13:26 PM
I'm assuming you're in Calgary, correct? There are three options if you are.

No, I live in northern B.C.; in a small town close to the border.

Quote from: Bailey on March 10, 2013, 07:16:10 PM
Unless you have an Alberta Health Care card, you're going to be stuck going to Vancouver.

To Vancouver for what?

Quote from: Bailey on March 10, 2013, 07:20:30 PM
To see an actual gender therapist and/or get hormones.

Do you need a 100% certified gender therapist JUST to get hormones...because if that's the case I'm pretty much f*****ed. Wow...we have a messed up healthcare system...

"The system" apparently doesn't care about my wellbeing.

Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 07:26:04 PM

I guess I'll start researching self medication...since "the system" apparently doesn't care about my wellbeing.

Sky what I was wanting to say earlier is when taking hormones you don't know how your mind is going to handle it. It's not all great all the time there are days that are days that are just awesome! But then their is the days when I feel like a piece of crap who is ugly and nobody likes. Then they are days when I get a combo of both. Estrogen will make you more emotional then you have ever been in your life at least it has with me.But if you feel like taking your life now just wait until your hormones are out of whack because self medication I think you need some patience find you a therapist you like work out these suicidal feelings you are having.

Quote from: Heather on March 10, 2013, 07:48:31 PM
Sky what I was wanting to say earlier is when taking hormones you don't know how your mind is going to handle it. It's not all great all the time there are days that are days that are just awesome! But then their is the days when I feel like a piece of crap who is ugly and nobody likes. Then they are days when I get a combo of both. Estrogen will make you more emotional then you have ever been in your life at least it has with me.But if you feel like taking your life now just wait until your hormones are out of whack because self medication I think you need some patience find you a therapist you like work out these suicidal feelings you are having.

Even if I could get an anti androgen I would be much more at ease...but I can't get anything...

Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 07:58:46 PM
Even if I could get an anti androgen I would be much more at ease...but I can't get anything...

You shouldn't give up hope so quickly! Sometimes in life if want something bad enough you have to be willing to fight for it.