Hello, thought I'd try my luck with these forums, I'm seeing a psycologist anyways next week but I feel like getting an opinion on this now. I've been having a sort of crisis, I'm currently recovering from a bout of depression during which I found that I was asking myself the question 'Am I transgendered/transexual' It never occurred to me until recently but some of my behavior as a child and adult seem to hint at this. As it is, I fantasize about being a woman quite often, both in a sexual and non sexual way.

When I'm out with friends, I find myself thinking 'How would the night be going if I were a woman? Would I try it with that guy?' and I'd spend a great deal of time thinking about it, idly daydreaming about being a woman, sometimes I feel frustrated that I am not, and am somewhat envious.

Socially I dislike having 'men talk' with other men and have a desire to be the passive spouse in a relationship. Ever since I was 14, I've been pretending to be a woman on the internet (on and off) during which I found myself acting in way that has felt more natural, it feels good but I find myself feeling guilty for doing it.

Currently I'm very confused, I don't think I'm a cross-dresser (I've never felt the urge to wear women's clothes, not in this body at least) and I don't have any dislike of my male parts (except where there's hair) and women aren't completely invisible to me, I'm just not sure what my situation is at the moment... What does this sound like to anyone?

Thank You For Your Time
D

Welcome to Susans, glad to have you here.  Take a moment to read the rules, then sit back and enjoy.

It sounds like your on the right track, seeing a therapist.  Good luck.

First, you don't need to analyze your past, thinking about ways that you might be transgender. How do you feel about yourself now? What do you want to do with yourself now? Second, being the "passive spouse" or anything similar is a stereotype, not a sign of being more "womanly".

As for whether or not you're transgender, that's up to you to decide. It's much easier to just not give a crap about whether you're transgender or not, and focus more on what you want, there's really no rules to it. The only concern I would have would be if you're considering transitioning medically, such as with hormones or surgery. Those are very serious and you should only get them if you actually want them, not because you think they'll make you a woman or whatever.

Hello, and welcome to Susan's!

You sound a lot like me a while back when I was questioning my own identity. Like you, I spent a lot of time wondering what it would be like to be a woman, and when I got deep into depression, I was convinced that my life would have been better... not necessarily easier, but better... if I had been born a girl. For the longest time I had thought that these thoughts were just some kind of escapist fantasy that I was having to try to escape my depression, because, hey if I really was transgender I'd be more interested in dressing up and playing with dolls and be more interested in men and all that typical girly type stuff. Over the years, as I got to actually know some actual trans folks and learn more about it I realized that all of those things have little to do with your perceived gender.

I'm sorry if that doesn't answer the question, but the thing is, nobody here can. The only person who can tell you if you're transgenedered or not is you, and it's not like it's an all or nothing deal. There are transgendered folks who don't go all feminine and are more comfortable with being androgynous. There are transgendered folks who identify as a butch lesbian. The spectrum of human sexuality is huge and wide, and only you can determine where you fit into these things. Your therapist is there to help, and to educate, and guide you along your path, whatever path that may end up being. There's something that I've learned during my short time on these forums. The only wrong path you can take is the path that leads to self destruction, and even then sometimes it's necessary to go down that path a little bit to really understand who you are. 

I came here feeling just as confused as you are, and everybody here has really helped me sort myself out.  I'm sure we can do the same for you   You've definitely taken a good first step between joining up here and scheduling a therapist appointment, so pat yourself on the back for that.  One thing to keep in mind as you read everybody's posts is that we all have different stories and backgrounds, so don't get discouraged if you read something that doesn't necessarily apply to you.  There is no cookie-cutter example of what it's like to be transgender.

Good luck!  We'll be here to help

Thanks everyone for the kind welcomes and whatnot, much to discuss with therapist, always a hard talking about these things especially if you've never talked about them before, will be very nervous when I go see him. Thank you all again for your advice!

D

Welcome, you are among friends.

Funny thing I have come to realize, having to be either X or Y is a binary perspective on gender. I am on a journey to find what I will be. I know one thing, seeing a gender therapist was the best thing I have ever done. I like me and I was here all the while.

Hello DeeD, welcome,

I understand how you are feeling, I personally figured out for myself that I am Transexual. I have not been to counseling at this point, but I am in the process of setting up appointments for counseling, so we are both on the right path.

For me I questioned most aspects of my life, and for me that's forty years that I questioned. I started crossdressing at the age of 4, I have tried to stop crossdressing but am never successful at giving it up (wonder why?LOL). These days I love to get dressed up in my girl clothes, it brings the real me out and makes me soooo happy.

This can be a long process to figure out who you are, I know from personal experience how long it took me to admit to myself let alone my wife, that I am Transexual and need to stop hiding the fact!
If I have learnt anything from Susan's Place, is to be true to myself, and accept me for me, my wife does. This inturn has settled my stress and confusion about myself. The people on Susan's Place do care, and a lot of people have experienced similar things in their lives. I personal recommend this site!
I still have a long path to travel to find the real me, a trip of discovery of who I am. I am looking forward to this path as I now can see the light at the end of the tunnel from a life of pain, jealousy and self torture. I need to be me, just as we all want to be our true selves.
I no longer can stand the pain and heart ache from hiding me. I have no choice but to come out or I fear I would not be on this planet for much longer, and that is something I do not want to do, as it's selfish in my opion to comit suicide, I have a family to think about.
I hope you figure out who you are in your journey of self discovery, only you can say who you are.
I wish you all the best.

Hugs
Angela

DeeD,
Welcome. Hopefully this forum proves to be as useful to you as it has been for me. Your situation doesn't sound that unlike my own, so I can relate. Doubts are fairly normal from what I've gathered, and it may take awhile to come to terms with your identity whatever it may be. I'm still working through mine. Seeing a therapist is probably a good idea, so good job there. One thing I did that helped me was to write down the reasons you think you might be transgender as well as the reasons you think you might not be. Look at them and try to discern which are legitimate and which aren't. Try to weigh the reasons you feel you may be trans against your doubts and see if it becomes any clearer. If nothing else, it you some clear starting points with which to tackle with your psychologist. Good luck.

— Jen

Also, Shodan, that first paragraph sounds a whole lot like me. Good to see I'm not the only one.

Hey D

Only you know the answer to that one unfortunatley. It's taken me 32 years to accept the fact I was 'born in the wrong body'. And to be honest dressing like a princess whilst all my friends were out playing football, waking up every day wishing you were a female, and finding everything masculine about yourself disgusting should have been a dead giveaway! ha! Anyways, i'm only at the start of my long journey, I hope you figure it out so you can start yours.

Lucy x

A wonderful article that my therapist had me read after our first session, perhaps it will be helpful to you as well:

http://web.uvic.ca/~ahdevor/14StagesBLOCK.pdf

I highlighted everything that I identified with. When I went back and looked at it, I realized that I had highlighted many many things in each section. It helped greatly in fully coming out to myself and accepting myself as transgendered (possibly transsexual). It took only a few more therapy sessions for me to fully come to terms with the fact that I did need to pursue transition. I had already been toying with the idea for many years, but it was pushed to the back of my head due to built up shame and fear from society pinning me to the male binary.

It will no doubt be different for you as it is with everyone, but hopefully the article will at the very least be of some help in understanding the stages involved in transsexualism- which will conceivably allow you to reach a greater understanding of how it might relate to your own situation.

Good luck, and keep us updated! You might be in for the ride of your life

Quote from: Jennygirl on March 10, 2013, 06:53:31 AM
A wonderful article that my therapist had me read after our first session, perhaps it will be helpful to you as well:

http://web.uvic.ca/~ahdevor/14StagesBLOCK.pdf

I highlighted everything that I identified with. When I went back and looked at it, I realized that I had highlighted many many things in each section. It helped greatly in fully coming out to myself and accepting myself as transgendered (possibly transsexual). It took only a few more therapy sessions for me to fully come to terms with the fact that I did need to pursue transition. I had already been toying with the idea for many years, but it was pushed to the back of my head due to built up shame and fear from society pinning me to the male binary.

It will no doubt be different for you as it is with everyone, but hopefully the article will at the very least be of some help in understanding the stages involved in transsexualism- which will conceivably allow you to reach a greater understanding of how it might relate to your own situation.

Good luck, and keep us updated! You might be in for the ride of your life

Wow, what a great link!!
Thank you for posting this Jenny, it was very informative and helpful. Like yourself, it was real eye opener to me as well, I could relate to so much of it!!

Hey, i know it may seem kind of repetitive but sadly no one can tell you if you are trans or aren't. That is more of a personal decision that you alone will have to make. For me i too had the fantasies, dreams and secret envy of genetic females in the past. I did plenty of denying it too. I had made the decision that i truly am trans tho not because of those feelings, but because i could not continue living as a male any more. Yes admitting it feels both great and scary at the same time, but once you open up to friends and family, and over time make friends on here you begin to realize that you aren't as alone as you first thought you were and no matter what you will always find support here and on other boards like this one.