Hello there.  I have been debating with myself about my feelings for a while now.  I would like for your opinion on the subject. 

I have felt out of place with my biological sex since I was little.  I've come out as transgender to my immediate family and closest friends.  Still, I sometimes have my doubts, due to my thoughts about transition and HRT.

I've always felt like a woman.  I've never felt manly, and I am repulsed by any connection of me and the masculine gender.  At first, I did hate my genitals and puberty was horrible for me, but as time progressed I did feel a change in attitude towards them.

Although this is not the body I would've picked for myself, I've come to terms with "down there" because I realized I didn't hate it, rather I did hate what society expects of me having the parts that I do.

I came out at age 17 to my best friend, and it was the first time that anyone knew about this.  Although it was great to finally feel "among girls", I did feel that somehow I'm different from them, and that convincing myself that I was exactly like them would also be like convincing myself that I'm a man.

I'm terrified of SRS! I don't feel the need to undergo such risks or pain if I'm ok with what I've got.  I'm also quite afraid of HRT, although I would be a little more willing to try that, although not too much.

I don't perceive any part of myself as being a man.  Although sexual orientation is different from gender identity, I know that I am attracted to men and have not tried to convince myself that I'm a heterosexual man.  I simply feel odd for knowing I'm a woman yet not wanting to do anything about it in terms of surgery or hormones.

Being in the body I am now does not depress me.  I'm ok with it.  I am upset over not getting to express myself in a feminine way, and if I could magically obtain a female anatomy, I would do so without thinking twice; but not being biologically female doesn't keep me up at night worrying or sobbing either.

I welcome any feedback  and thanks for listening.

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Janet  )O(

I'm not sure what the technical answer to your question is (seems like there are so many darn categories and sub-categories out there... meh)...

... just "You"?

I certainly have some similar feelings as you described - it doesn't seem too likely that I will ever be able to transition, and if I have to finish my life in this body... well... I've made it thus far. But yes, I would prefer that my body were that of a female - and yes, it is very frustrating not being able to express myself as female.

I dunno... I s'pose you just have do what you can, as you can, with what you have - and whoever that makes you: There You Are.

My college roommates nick-named me Mariposa Gremlin... nothing to do with the subject, but your username caught my eye. 

Oh! And Welcome!

Quote from: Sadie May on March 09, 2013, 07:51:41 PM
I'm not sure what the technical answer to your question is (seems like there are so many darn categories and sub-categories out there... meh)...

... just "You"?

I certainly have some similar feelings as you described - it doesn't seem too likely that I will ever be able to transition, and if I have to finish my life in this body... well... I've made it thus far. But yes, I would prefer that my body were that of a female - and yes, it is very frustrating not being able to express myself as female.

I dunno... I s'pose you just have do what you can, as you can, with what you have - and whoever that makes you: There You Are.

My college roommates nick-named me Mariposa Gremlin... nothing to do with the subject, but your username caught my eye. 

Oh! And Welcome!

Thank you and Ms. OBrien VT for welcoming me 

I have been moving to accept myself as just "me".
And it's true that there are so many categories and sub-categories that it gets confusing sometimes, all stemming from the darn human need to categorize everything.

I do call myself "transgender". I have refrained from calling myself transsexual since its definition doesn't really define me.

It just seems sometimes that neatly fitting in a category makes life easier to explain.

..... I am 2-4-6-0-1!!     (Sorry, I couldn't resist, I am a musical dork)

It's perfectly fine (and I'd even say normal) to not know where you fit. Since coming to Susan's I've learned all sorts of terms that I've never heard of before, and all sorts of combinations that I didn't even consider as being possible before. I think you just need to let yourself figure out who you are without applying any labels to yourself and accept the fact that you will evolve over time.    (I really don't know what I am besides someone who wants to be more male-bodied, feels more in line with the male end of the gender spectrum, and I've just been avoiding or not taking very seriously all these labels. Not sure if this is the right approach but it's been working for me.)

Quote from: LearnedHand on March 11, 2013, 06:25:01 PM
..... I am 2-4-6-0-1!!     (Sorry, I couldn't resist, I am a musical dork)

It's perfectly fine (and I'd even say normal) to not know where you fit. Since coming to Susan's I've learned all sorts of terms that I've never heard of before, and all sorts of combinations that I didn't even consider as being possible before. I think you just need to let yourself figure out who you are without applying any labels to yourself and accept the fact that you will evolve over time.    (I really don't know what I am besides someone who wants to be more male-bodied, feels more in line with the male end of the gender spectrum, and I've just been avoiding or not taking very seriously all these labels. Not sure if this is the right approach but it's been working for me.)

Thanks, and this has been my approach so far. I'm just scared of feeling that time is running out.