Why is that every life problem seems related to being trans? Because it is true and because being the incorrect gender physically and socially taints every experience?  Do we sometimes attribute things to being trans that probably are just the same issues we'd face from a different angle as another gender?

Is there danger in this? What happens after transition is complete - is everything magically solved?

I am afraid the completion of my transition will be hollow.  The momentum will be gone, and I will be left with physical and social dysphoria issues that will no longer have a solution to resolve them. Once there is no longer "After my surgery" and I have nothing to look forward to fix how I feel, I am afraid the dysphoria issues will just be exacerbated.

I'm really afraid of that too, but i've been talking to some post transition guys and it's been pretty reassuring. A lot of people I have talked to have said they had this fear but after finally having bottom surgery and completing their transition a lot of things in their lives cleared up. I'm much more hopefull that things will be alright now that i've talked to some people and I suggest you do to.

Quote from: spacerace on March 12, 2013, 05:19:58 PM
Why is that every life problem seems related to being trans? Because it is true and because being the incorrect gender physically and socially taints every experience?  Do we sometimes attribute things to being trans that probably are just the same issues we'd face from a different angle as another gender?

Is there danger in this? What happens after transition is complete - is everything magically solved?

I am afraid the completion of my transition will be hollow.  The momentum will be gone, and I will be left with physical and social dysphoria issues that will no longer have a solution to resolve them. Once there is no longer "After my surgery" and I have nothing to look forward to fix how I feel, I am afraid the dysphoria issues will just be exacerbated.

You kind of touch on something I've believed about transition, at least for myself. That is, I don't think that going through all that would fix my core issue. No amount of hormones or surgery will ever get me the MAAB body. I've already started to come to the conclusion that gender references other than male upset me, but it's not enough to go through a transition for. Again, this is just me personally. So for better or worse, I'm just changing small things to make me more comfortable in my skin, as that's really what it all boils down to for me. It's never going to be how it is in my mind, so what I need to do is find some way to just be comfortable with the body I got in this life.

For some people, I imagine that making the physical changes through HRT and/or surgery and having the bulk of society treat you as your actual gender (not your born-as gender) helps them to be more comfortable. If that works for you, cool. But I just know if I went through all of that, at the end of the day, I'd still know and it still wouldn't be the way I wanted.

You've brought up a very good point, spacerace.

I do think many of my issues were caused by being trans. There's really nothing else in my past, no serious abuse, sexual or otherwise. The worst thing to happen to me as a child was being trans. But even so, transition didn't fix trans related issues like social anxiety, drug addiction, binge drinking, etc. I had thought it would. But you don't just fix a lifetime of suffering in a few months or years of having the right body, role, etc. All it did was make me more at home in my body and slightly more comfortable going out.

Maybe for someone who didn't develop a lot of other issues like I did, transition is a panacea. I wouldn't know. I am getting better, but it's still a lot of work. Once you've developed all these unhealthy coping mechanisms and conditions, they don't just evaporate along with the F on your license. It's fixed my dysphoria, but I'm still one messed up dude.

Good point.  I know transition wouldn't be a magic bullet for me.  Even if I could wake up in my ideal body tomorrow, I would still have a lifetime of memories and associated baggage to sort out.

It's not going to sort everything out.  I'll still have been sexually assaulted while drunk, and unable to drink around people because of it, and ironically tempted to drink to try and forget it when the memories come back to say hello.  I'll still cringe whenever I see a shrink, even just on the TV because of that airy tone of voice they all seem to have, and the experiences that I had with mine.  I won't be perfect, regardless of my body.

What I hope will improve though is not having to make sure that I don't drink more than one bottle a day while I'm at college where there's only one gender neutral toilet in the whole town, and that's the other end from my college.  I'll be able to go to work and be able to have a laugh with the customers without wanting to stab them through the eye with some cutlery because they can see I'm curvy because of the apron I have to wear.  I'll hopefully be able to kick smoking for good, every time I do dysphoria makes me go rifling through ashtrays like a filthy tramp.

Maybe transitioning won't fix everything.  Maybe it will give us the space to sort out our other problems.  Maybe things won't improve at all.  All I know is that I'm going to give it my best shot because I can't keep living this existence for ever.  I don't exist yet in my eyes, I can't see a future in this body at all.

Quote from: Not-so Fat Admin on March 12, 2013, 07:09:49 PM
You've brought up a very good point, spacerace.

I do think many of my issues were caused by being trans. There's really nothing else in my past, no serious abuse, sexual or otherwise. The worst thing to happen to me as a child was being trans. But even so, transition didn't fix trans related issues like social anxiety, drug addiction, binge drinking, etc. I had thought it would. But you don't just fix a lifetime of suffering in a few months or years of having the right body, role, etc.

And you bring up another good point Not-so Fat .... those coping mechanisms some of us have developed ONLY BECAUSE OF being trans. It sucks cause I went down that alcohol and drugs route too which made things 100x worse in reality, but I was too into getting wasted to "escape" reality. I was lucky in that I was able to kick all that (without the help of anyone else no less) when I reached a certain point where my hypochondria trumped it But I still live with having done everything I've done in my past and it comes back ever now and then in my head for unknown reasons. Maybe just to remind where where I've been and that I if I was able to overcome that, some of my other issues really aren't so bad? Who knows.

Some problems are part of who you are, but they are easier to deal with when you're finished.  Everyone in my family has similar issues to greater or lesser extents, and they weren't forced to go through life in drag

If you dig deep enough, pretty much everyone has problems and insecurities.  It helps us relate to each other 

Shortman

Lots of great points have been brought up here. Me? I know I've got a lot of anger, and I do my best to control it. I know that past trauma has drilled it into my head that I'm worthless and no good, and I try not to walk around being too depressed, but I can't really help that when something sets it off. Sure, a lot of it has to with being trans, first closeted and now having it used as something else to throw at me, but there will still be some issues to solve after transition. Fortunately, those are mere paper cuts compared to the big ugly wound called dysphoria. There are many things I can tough out, but being hated just for being who I am is something that has driven me into a deep depression before, and the vehement denial of my male identity by family is just the same as that. Everything does connect in some manner back to being trans or growing up in a broken home; and on top of that, many overlap.

My conclusion on this: ->-bleeped-<- causes issues that get harder to solve the longer people deny themselves the right to exist the way they truly are.

I wonder why that is 

Quote from: Liminal Stranger on March 13, 2013, 10:10:25 AM
My conclusion on this: ->-bleeped-<- causes issues that get harder to solve the longer people deny themselves the right to exist the way they truly are.

I wonder why that is 

Probably true. I didn't come out till 27, so had plenty of time to develop all kinds of unhealthiness. Best to get this dysphoria thing fixed as best you can as soon as you can if you know transition is what you need to do.

Quote from: mangoslayer on March 12, 2013, 05:55:10 PM
I'm really afraid of that too, but i've been talking to some post transition guys and it's been pretty reassuring. A lot of people I have talked to have said they had this fear but after finally having bottom surgery and completing their transition a lot of things in their lives cleared up. I'm much more hopefull that things will be alright now that i've talked to some people and I suggest you do to.

as a post transition guy, I have to say that most of my problems are the same as theve always been. I had my surgery about 9 months ago and it was true for me that my life seemed empty for a while. I had to make new goals and now things are better. But I really think it is not a good idea to assume that everything will magically improve after surgery. Obviously everyone is different so i guess for some people it changes everything, for me not so much.

Quote from: spacerace on March 12, 2013, 05:19:58 PM
What happens after transition is complete - is everything magically solved?

of course not, nobody has problemfree lifes, your problem will just change.
whatever everything is related to being trans I will say no.. sure not everything but yeah alot of things can also be related of being trans or partly related. ex I enjoy being alone and im a lazy person this is not related to being trans, however when I where in folk school I used to skip alot of days only to sleep even when i wasnt tired or anything, I just tried to live more in my fantasy world like the matrix insteed of the real world. I think this pattern where transrelated cause I just tried to ignore the world as much as posible.

So what if transitioning doesn't solve everything? It will solve something at least, and it will be one less thing for you to deal with which could make everything else easier to work on. I still have a lot of self-worth issues that I need to work on. There are days where I feel that the only thing I'm good for is bringing home a paycheck for my wife and son, and even then I'm kind of failing at that. I don't think that's related to being Trans, but adding that into the mix certainly isn't helping. Will finally transitioning fix that? Probably not. But it'll make it easier, in my opinion.

Quote from: AlexanderC on March 12, 2013, 08:03:31 PM
All I know is that I'm going to give it my best shot because I can't keep living this existence for ever.  I don't exist yet in my eyes, I can't see a future in this body at all.

This is exactly the way I look at it. The way I'm living right now isn't even living at all and if transitioning will make it better, even if it's just a miniscule amount, then I'd rather take that over my life now.