Ah, my best real life friend. First person I came out to IRL. I haven't really come out much as transgender yet, as family has stated several times their extreme disapproval. Not only that, but they've threatened to remove me from my school and homeschool me till I graduate if I don't 'start dressing like a girl and quit trying to make my chest look stupid.' So I've basically been stuck in this absolute nightmare-ish state of feeling. Telling her about who I am made me feel better, for a little while. After a while she began going 'but you could be such a pretty girl!' 'you should let your hair grow out, then you'll be pretty.' 'You like guys! Therefore you're a girl by nature too!'

Now she is happy my hair is growing out, she tells me she's going to give me a make over, do my nails, braid my hair, ect. My family couldn't be more thrilled about this. Me? I dread it. The only reason my hair is 'long' (shoulder length now) is because my family removed any scissors that could have been used for me to cut my hair. Whatever. I've explained to the girl several times that I'm -not- a girl, and I have always been -me- since I was old enough to understand anything related to this. Her response? 'Dont you dare cut your hair! Its so pretty!' She just....doesn't get it. I understand she doesn't get it, heck, no one I know irl does. That's okay, I tell myself. It's okay because I'll be done with highschool in 3 more years and then I can go to college and begin living -my- life the way I -should- be living it.

Mean time, since I can't take T, I've been working out (trying to at the very least, as I tend to be lazy.) and eating foods that boost T naturally. I already have a bit of a higher amount of T than most natural born females, due to hormone imbalances that is just genetic (meaning I can grow an awesome moustache....which gets shaven, because emo+facial hair=seems wrong.) I do pull ups several times a day (at least one every time I walk through my doorway) and go for a 3 mile-ish 30 to 40 minute jog everyday. Is there anything else y'all can suggest to help naturally boost my T levels? Thanks, Tom.

I feel for you, as do so many people at Susan's. Many of us have suffered the same type of gender policing from our friends & families. It can be very painful, but as you have already discerned there will come a time in your life when you're no longer under the influence of these people and you'll be free to make your own decisions. It's often sensible in these circumstances to simply bide your time until you can get out. In the meantime, you're doing the right thing by keeping your weight to (presumably) sensible levels and doing some strength exercises. I will say that weight-bearing exercises are good for masculinising your profile but please do check with a doctor before doing them.

Please remember that you don't have to let anybody do anything to you that you don't feel comfortable with. That doesn't only apply to the more serious stuff... it also applies to the minor stuff. If you're not comfortable with nail polish, braiding etc. then you have the right to refuse to let anybody touch those parts of your body. Simply & calmly keep explaining to your friend that you're not a girl and it makes you feel very uncomfortable when she talks about you like that. Ask her whether she'd dare to tell any other guy how 'pretty' he is, or whether she'd suggest painting his nails. He'd probably feel insulted and humiliated, wouldn't he? So tell her how it makes you feel. And if she still can't get it and keeps hurting you with her behaviour? Well then, maybe you need a new friend.

The fact of the matter is: most cisgendered people have never had to even think about their gender because it doesn't hurt them. I've been known to say that gender is like an appendix: everybody is born with one but unless it causes you pain you could quite happily go through your entire life without even realising it's there.

My mother was similar to your friend in that she spent years believing that the problem with me was simply that I didn't realise how pretty I was. If only I would go back to wearing dresses and make-up I would suddenly see that I'm very pretty and somehow that would magically make me happy with being female. She simply couldn't understand that 'prettiness' wasn't the problem - the problem was far more fundamental than that. Someone who bases her value of herself on her own prettiness and femininity can find it difficult to understand that there are people don't feel the same way.

Retiku, you do have a good attitude about this (that you will be able to live your life how you want once you get to college) and I realize how much it sucks, but you're doing what you can and that's commendable.

My mom was cool up until a certain point – basically around puberty – then she turned on me and did that same sort of thing, suggesting I wear make up, suggesting a "dress more like a girl". It didn't seem as extreme as your family but it was there and it's STILL there. She still makes suggestions like that to this day.

FTMDiaries has it right ... it's gender policing. I wish there was some way to make people stop doing that but it's so ingrained in our society. Even before we're born now, we're gendered (unless in the rare case parents want to be "surprised" but then the moment you come out into the world you're still labeled with a gender ... the first question anyone asks, "is it a boy or a girl?" ....). So if you don't fit in one of those two tidy descriptions or that description you're given at birth is the wrong one, it's like you have to fight your whole life just to be YOU. It's incredibly sad. And most people will never understand it. They think they're "encouraging" you by saying thinks like, "you'd be so pretty!"

I think a lot of the gender policing done by the parents of trans guys is the manifestation of the parent's own insecurities. We have to look and act like girls or they feel they will be judged by other parents, their friends, family members, and random strangers even. 

Quote from: Retiku on March 12, 2013, 10:20:50 PM
Mean time, since I can't take T, I've been working out (trying to at the very least, as I tend to be lazy.) and eating foods that boost T naturally. I already have a bit of a higher amount of T than most natural born females, due to hormone imbalances that is just genetic (meaning I can grow an awesome moustache....which gets shaven, because emo+facial hair=seems wrong.) I do pull ups several times a day (at least one every time I walk through my doorway) and go for a 3 mile-ish 30 to 40 minute jog everyday. Is there anything else y'all can suggest to help naturally boost my T levels? Thanks, Tom.

Seems like you are doing everything you can at this point - there is no real way to naturally boost T levels, save for maybe exercise - which, if nothing else, can help you pass, make you feel better, and give you muscle definition that will fill out really well once you start hormones. good luck putting up with your Mom.

Quote from: spacerace on March 13, 2013, 05:30:25 PM
I think a lot of the gender policing done by the parents of trans guys is the manifestation of the parent's own insecurities. We have to look and act like girls or they feel they will be judged by other parents, their friends, family members, and random strangers even. 

Yes this goes on in my house. My mom hates that i am a lesbian now and says i am a embarrassment to the family, how my parents would be so upset, how much i am hurting this family. recently my dad has took her side , when i got a new hair cut about a month ago. My mom is the real ass___ of the family. My dad is now saying ->-bleeped-<- to me as well. I dont think they will be taking "Trans" to well yikes !!! 

Hi Tom, good to meet you.

Sounds like you're doing everything you can, and you've got it together.  I wish I could offer better advice than just "hang in there", but I think that's about all you can do for now.  It sucks to have to sit it out. 

Your friend is a bit of a worry.  She doesn't respect your personal boundaries, which is not acceptable.  If she refuses to respect who you are, you need to ask yourself whether she's really that good of a friend.

QuoteI think a lot of the gender policing done by the parents of trans guys is the manifestation of the parent's own insecurities. We have to look and act like girls or they feel they will be judged by other parents, their friends, family members, and random strangers even.

Good point.  However, my view is that gender policing also stems from basic petty-mindedness.  They don't feel able to express themselves, so they don't want to see someone else doing what they're to cowardly to do.