and what exactly does a cis girl look like? in case nobody here seems to notice, they're just as varied as males. it's all about framing, makeup, and accessories. if you facial features are really that male, don't pout, save up or learn how to contour with makeup extremely well. there are workarounds.

I think this was the most difficult part of transition. The expectations I made going in were too high and it really hurt emotionally once I figured this out and I was quite down about it for a long time. I learned over time to still set my expectations high, but to allow those expectations to change and evolve over time. I still do this. My expectations were much different at day one than they were at one year, even when they were not fulfilled. But, many times my expectations were met or exceeded. I have come to accept things for what they are, based on what I can do about it, within my own limitations. Did it stop my transition? No, but I learned to be happy and accepting for who I am, to be more confident, and to concentrate on those things I could change. You are young and only at 5 months in. From my perspective you have so much to gain, so much to still live, to change. Stand tall knowing in your own mind you are beautiful and you are you. Your joy will come.

Quote from: Venus-Castina on March 12, 2013, 08:31:21 PM
I am sorry but I don't agree with you.
Not passing means I have a visible, recognizable male body and voice. Having these male traits is part of what is causing me to experience genderdysphoria.
To me transition is about eliminating this genderdysphoria and thus obtaining a convincing female appearance. If this is not achieved my transition will be a (partial) failure.

I'll take a partial win over a total loss any day of the week.

I think it varies by person. Some people maybe have more of a body dysmorphia problem and some people are more internalized about the nature of their trans-ness. But we probably all have some mixture of both.

For the body dysmorphia arena... I feel like we are sooo lucky these days. Back when there was no FFS, no SRS, no laser hair removal, no HRT... what would we have done then? We would either have had to live with it or choose not to live at all. Rough!

Today is an amazing age, where so much can be done and so much can be shared so easily. It is really incredible. If you have the drive to "get there", it can be done. That's all it takes. Motivation and passion for working towards a goal.

Well it takes money too. Sometimes on this board, and specifically related to DIY hormones, the reason for DIY is a lack of money and being born in a lower social stratus. There is not much upward mobility in the US, at all. The main gatekeeper is money; you have it you can transition, you don't, well, you have few options.

there are many many ways to make money. I had a job when I was 18 that got me about 140 a day tutoring some kids on art. Some days I had more students and could get a whole weeks worth of cashing a day compared to my other job at starbucks. (about 300-400 a week minimum wage). So it's definitely possible to make the money if you're willing work yourself more than 60 hours a week and put in a little entrepreneurship and creative spirit. But yeah, those were the days, making anywhere from 1.4 to 2 grand a week.

Quote from: tomthom on March 12, 2013, 11:39:33 PM
there are many many ways to make money.

This is true

I got 10 gold pieces for clearing giant spiders from a farm 


Sorry I'm being silly...

Money is out there, ya just gotta go and get it!

I know I know easier said than done right?

You could always clear giant spiders from a farm! Oh wait someone already said that

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on March 13, 2013, 12:51:30 AM
This is true

I got 10 gold pieces for clearing giant spiders from a farm 


Sorry I'm being silly...

Spiders scare me, that option is gone

Quote from: Joanna Dark on March 12, 2013, 11:11:27 PM
Well it takes money too. Sometimes on this board, and specifically related to DIY hormones, the reason for DIY is a lack of money and being born in a lower social stratus. There is not much upward mobility in the US, at all. The main gatekeeper is money; you have it you can transition, you don't, well, you have few options.

Eh... DIY isn't exactly cheap either. Even with the cheapest internet prices, it's still like $100 a month in meds minimum, even if you're just going for the bare minimum doses of the cheapest forms of estrogen and anti-androgens. For the more effective estrogens and anti-androgens, and for full doses of all of these, especially if hair restoration drugs are added into the equation, it can be as high as $200 a month. That's what I was paying before I finally got health insurance and switched over to official medical care. (And yes, I know that was stupid, so there's no need to lecture me here about how stupid it was to go on DIY HRT before I had health insurance. I know. I was desperate at the time, didn't know about informed-consent, and wasn't willing to wait what I thought was going to be months for an official therapist letter because of all of the horror stories I had heard about "gatekeeping." I was wrong. I'll admit that. But that's another reason why people start with DIY... because they don't want to jump through the legal hoops to get there, and don't want to wait any longer. And again, I was wrong about that. I didn't know how easy it would be to get on HRT if I just explained my situation honestly to an understanding doctor at a local clinic that was used to dealing with transgender patients. And doing HRT on a doctor's prescription, which is able to be fulfilled at pretty much any pharmacy, is actually saving me a good $150 per month in the costs of pills, because I can exploit Walmart's $8 prescriptions instead of paying $50 for a month's supply of just one of those prescriptions over the internet. So yeah... from personal experience, DIY is not cheaper. Easier, maybe, but not by much, and safer, DEFINITELY not. If something had happened, I'd have been s*** out of luck. So yeah... just see a doctor. In the long run, medical care is WAY cheaper, with way fewer risks. And there's a lot of LGBT-friendly clinics who are actually willing to waive the bills for those who are without health insurance and wouldn't be able to afford a doctor's visit otherwise. There's one right here in Cleveland, actually. I just didn't know about it until it was already too late.)

Emma you do appear very feminine even when you're ranting!  I guess this means I shouldn't expect anything tomorrow either?  I just started HRT today and love the possibilities!  Can pigs really fly?

Hi,

Even for us who are female with the potential to become women dont all have the look of a female,

Even at birth we have an imbalance of our hormones yet they can & have helped in other ways, & untill we realise this when our changes are ready to take place we may miss out on the ...looks... that we may wish for,

I know my changes started 20 years ago, from with in my own body no external meds, & even then at a later date  the  starting of meds are only to maintain my body i did not expect much in the way of changes,

well  not from the outer appreance any way, there were changes just lovely subtle little ones .

with meds think at least 5 to 7 years for change's to happen  if one thinks like now or with in two years , then think again, 

& remember drugs meds & hormones work differently for all of us,

any way what would i know im only a woman,

...noeleena...

Quote from: Venus-Castina on March 12, 2013, 08:31:21 PM
I am sorry but I don't agree with you.
Not passing means I have a visible, recognizable male body and voice. Having these male traits is part of what is causing me to experience genderdysphoria.
To me transition is about eliminating this genderdysphoria and thus obtaining a convincing female appearance. If this is not achieved my transition will be a (partial) failure.

It seems transition is how one personally defines it. For me it was being recognised as female by a stranger whilst wearing gender neutral clothing. Resolving the incongruity between how I saw myself and how others perceived me was critical. My goals at the very start were far less lofty. I think the goal post moved all the time.

.

as for crippling social anxiety, me and my sister both have it. honestly the best advice that I know somebody is going to hate me for is "get over it." It's not like depression. It can be beat. It takes a long time, and a lot of practice, but baby steps can take you far.

.

why do you assume such a large time frame of 5 years? that's an awful long time to rationalize and re-adjust. This is something that can easily be done within 6 months with perseverance and constant exposure. It's an acclimation process. human brain plasticity is literally made to adapt.

I dunno, just give it a go instead of making hypothetical time frames. It will work a lot faster that way.

.

Quote from: muuu on March 13, 2013, 10:51:02 AM
It's not like I haven't been to "therapy". Even if it'd just take a year, I'd still end up being about 30.
Losing years can actually be a big deal for some people, living a horrible life isn't very pleasant if there'll never come something good out of it. Especially when you've spent years waiting for care, and people tell you to not DIY, over exaggerating the risks, and won't help you with any information.

Sure, losing years sucks. But it is better to start later rather than not doing anything at all.

Quote from: tomthom on March 13, 2013, 10:31:12 AM
why do you assume such a large time frame of 5 years? that's an awful long time to rationalize and re-adjust. This is something that can easily be done within 6 months with perseverance and constant exposure. It's an acclimation process. human brain plasticity is literally made to adapt.

I dunno, just give it a go instead of making hypothetical time frames. It will work a lot faster that way.

I agree 100%!

muuu if you're assuming that is going to take you five years, then get ready for 10! I had mild anxiety with very intermittent social phobia for about a 2 years, and then it snowballed suddenly into crippling anxiety & social phobia that lasted about 6-7 months. When the crippling part started, I think I was your age exactly (23). As soon as I found out what was going on, I took it upon myself to fix it. ASAP! Who wants to live like that? Not me, I hated it and I hated myself for it!! I hated it so much that I drowned myself in literature, which helped the most. I knew I could see a therapist, but ultimately I would have to save myself... So I went for it! That's what we all have to do, a therapist is only going to help light the path. Luckily I found a few books at the university library that in some respects maybe saved my life (I never went suicidal though).

I changed my diet, got on an exercise plan, did everything the books suggested. And you know what? It worked swimmingly! Probably only because I really wanted it to, though. Now I'm 29 and I've never had a problem since. Actually my quality of living went up a lot- even though I wasn't in the mindspace to transition until last year.