Why do people fret over stuff they can't control? It does no good and gets old after awhile. Especially when people give you advice and support over and over again. It's not like anybody can help someone like that anyways....

Life as a transsexual is hard enough. Society puts enough in our way without us putting more for it to deal with. A positive outlook is huge. Look for any victory instead of every defeat.

.

Quote from: muuu on March 13, 2013, 03:26:26 PM
Pessimists/realists do get just as tired of optimists, as optimists get tired of pessimists/realists.

I'm both an optimist and a realist.. Being realistic is not pessimistic. And I think you are often a little too pessimistic, Muuu..

Muuu, I am gonna put this out there for you.
Before I started all this I was a complete and utter shaking mess, I was so manic and OCD with planning my transition I quite literally made myself physically ill. I used to spend hours and hours behind the computer researching absolutely everything over and over again, writing things down, creating time-lines & calendars and then remaking them every few days. Until 3am on work nights furiously staring at the box, my poor partner too had to bare witness to all my insanity and self inflicted sadness.
My plan too was originally a 3 year plan, I wasn't even going to dress female for the first 2 years - at all ever until I had been on hormones and had some FFS, seriously 2 years...
I must have been nuts when I look back now, I started dressing and going out after 3 months! and went full time in exactly a year. I had planned to have FFS in Thailand as it was the cheapest and most viable option, my list was extensive to say the least, I had not much cash but had some miraculous plan to save some $12k by then, yer right! ha.
I ended up having just a couple of things done here in the end.

Anyway the whole point of this is, pretty much nothing and I mean nothing turned out the way I had so intrinsically planned to the point of madness. I even dress completely the opposite of what I had imagined.

Seriously muuu give yourself a break, take a breath - it will be ok, it gets better and better as you go along.

and there ain't nothing wrong with being 30! I started at 33 and I'm sure you have seen my before and afters.

Breathe honey

Jay-Bird

We know your point Muuu.... we've heard it over and over.

But I guess outlook and reality is why I am happy and you... well.. don't seem like you can be. Sorry!

You seem to have been quite down on yourself recently Emma. I am hoping this is just a phase, you know like we all go through, and you will be turning a corner and watching the spring come in with a smile on your face, because if I looked in the mirror and saw what you saw, I know I sure would. :-)

Hugs.
Steph :-)
x

Muuu, what exactly is impossible about bettering oneself and making things happen? Isn't that part of this whole crazy thing? That and I gave an example of how I was making money, and I'm pretty sure working at starbucks and being a tutor to children takes pretty much zero credentials, yet it is a viable option that I had for sustaining myself.

.

Quote from: muuu on March 14, 2013, 02:14:24 AM
Then why is there so much like this then?

Because their outlook is only negative too.

I'm not speaking about whether or not passing is the most important thing. I'm talking about only being able to see negative and anticipating only negativity. So much so to the point where you stall doing things like... being yourself or presenting as the person you want to be seen as.

Body takes work. Mind takes work. Life takes work.

Work is rewarding every time whether we predeterminately choose to see the good or the bad. It's all just a matter of opinion and judgement based on our own personal histories.

Learn, adapt, grow, prosper. Every step is earned with energy we all possess, and nobody is wrong for thinking the way they do be it pessimistic or optimistic. One thing remains true: we ALL have to work on stuff to see or feel any reward. It's the healthy transaction that keeps us ticking as human beings, trans or not.

Quote from: Jennygirl on March 14, 2013, 04:26:22 AM
Body takes work. Mind takes work. Life takes work.

Work is rewarding every time whether we predeterminately choose to see the good or the bad. It's all just a matter of opinion and judgement based on our own personal histories.

Learn, adapt, grow, prosper. Every step is earned with energy we all possess, and nobody is wrong for thinking the way they do be it pessimistic or optimistic. One thing remains true: we ALL have to work on stuff to see or feel any reward. It's the healthy transaction that keeps us ticking as human beings, trans or not.

+1

I was 6 ft & 250 lbs of blubber gave up on transitioning twice in my early 20's and a train wreck when it came to self esteem and self worth thanks to a lot of issues growing up. Especially the 6 ft 250 lb part.

Loosing the weight was hard, but far far easier then the personal growth I need to do all while dealing with the crap life throws at you... just to keep things interesting.

It is now over 30 years since my failed transition experiments. The dream is still alive. The reality of achieving it is far far closer.

You will eventually pass as a cis-female. Don't put to much emphasis on conventional beauty, but I do understand the need to pass, for me, that is the whole point. I am already in touch with my "inner female" so passing to me is about connecting a disconnect.

Quote from: girl you look fierce on March 14, 2013, 03:12:27 PM
These things are not inaccessible you just put distance to them in your head because you're afraid. I passed 100% from day 1, minute 1, I was never sir'ed or he'd (aside from old family) again and maybe I had some luck on my side physically but it doesn't change the fact that before that I was passing almost always male with the same exact body, face and hair... you gotta accept that presentation is an enormous factor and making the effort will be worth it.

toooootally

You are WAY speaking my language.

If there's one thing I took away from design school, it's that "presentation is everything".

I think of it as "catching up" to cis females' presentation techniques without the social guidance and learning spread across an entire adolescence/adulthood... takes a lot of work! I'm still going as hard as ever, it's a work in progress. Different from you, I'm learning as I go because I am comfortable not passing all the time right now... but the goal is definitely to always pass.

Presentation is definitely an enormous factor, but not the only one. For me, transition would be impossible without at least hormones to slow down the growth of facial hair... You said you could transition in 5 minutes, well I used to be able to grow a beard in 5 minutes

Speaking of which, I gotta go shopping ASAP

lol

The OP wrote,

Quote from: EmmaS on March 12, 2013, 01:15:48 AM
...I'm finally starting to really accept that it's not magic, it's not going to change my features enough and turn me into this beautiful woman that I wish I could see in the mirror. It's time to realize that for myself and that really hurts to feel that, but why give myself more false hope at this point. I wasn't being realistic and I'm starting to accept that even though it's really hard for me for some reason....

I think this is nearly the best perspective one could have.

My dream is that my physical transition goes quickly, without issue, and results in a beautiful twenty-year-old coed with Barbie-like measurements.

My expectation is that I may one day pass and with each day, whether or not I pass, my appearance becomes more feminine. Five months on HRT, this expectation is being met.

I find a weekly support group and biweekly individual therapy helpful in maintaining this expectation. My dysphoria fades in intensity as I lower my expectations to what is reasonable and become more feminine in appearance. Most days, I am grateful for 1) a supportive environment, 2) access to hormones, 3) good therapy, and 4) growing confidence in transition. When I get down, I try to remember these things.

Oh, and I need to get a new pic up. Things are looking better these days!