I wish I could tell my teachers, just so I don't have to hear them call me "ma'am" or refer to a group with me in it as "ladies". It's not fair, classifying me with all those girls. Socialization is the easiest thing in the world when I'm treated as a male, because that part of me demanding transition knows exactly what to say and do. Trying to get me to act as a girl in social situations is like trying to get a brain-dead elephant to ballroom dance. It's just not going to happen, and the result is awkward for everybody.
Thought I was getting somewhere with my mom, but then she turns around and says that I can't possibly have a binder because it would be of great cost to her if she were to give in and allow me something like that. Stupid dad...why'd you say you know someone who was seriously hurt wearing a binder? I doubt it was even true, and it's not like I'd sleep in the binder and never take it off. It would be so much easier on everyone if she and my father would accept me instead of throwing such hatred at me. It fills me with fiery anger, cold bitterness, and underneath that grief and hopelessness. I just use anger to keep myself from crying in front of others because it holds the tears back until I am alone. All I want is to look in the mirror and see a boy, and be able to walk around shirtless like my dad does all the time. I hate him for being able to do that without even thinking about it.
