My mom hasn't talked to me in over a year. This has nothing to do with my gender identity or anything like that. It's because I told her things about her boyfriend and how he behaved around me when I was younger (not gonna get into that here, lest I need to slap a TW on this) The point is she moved out to the boonies with her boyfriend and my sister and has refused to speak directly to me since, despite anything anyone says to her. I don't blame her, I mostly blame the fact that that he clearly has her wrapped around his finger and she buys into all of his manipulation, though she is a grown woman and therefore has her own responsibility in this. But honestly I don't care about that right now.

She's my mom, and I want her to hear about this from me, not from the grapevine. I might be romanticizing, but she was the one who always kind of seemed to know. I remember when I was about 15 her telling me that she knew I was always a tomboy and I was always "butch" even when I tried to be girly, because I always seemed so unnatural and unhappy to her when I dressed feminine. She told me that most of the time it felt like she had two sons and one daughter, not the other way around.

I feel like I'm going through the biggest most important change in my life, and if it wasn't for all of the BS going on, she would be one of my biggest supporters. I might send her a heartfelt message on facebook. I'm trying to not get my hopes up for anything, but it's hard.

Anyone else have any experience coming out to estranged family members and how it went?

Hi, I don't have your experience coming out to an already-estranged parent (My estrangement occurred after-the-fact). I just wanted to say that I really feel for the pain you must be going through, which only amplifies the double pain that you were already feeling. I won't pretend to advise you beyond just asking whether you have a therapist who can help you with whether and how to inform her. She or he could also help you understand your motives for writing and what you hope to accomplish having done so. I can hear the voice of mine saying to me that if I should write, it should be purely an act of generosity on my part with the hope of accomplishing nothing beyond that.

Through all this, I hope you can remember that you are a beautiful child of the universe, already perfect in what you are and in what you are becoming.

Peace.

Is there anyway that you can repair the relationship with your mom without her boyfriend being involved? If so maybe take that route and start talking on the phone.

"But honestly I don't care about that right now." You had wrote this after the first paragraph. You didn't go into detail about what kind of behavior. But if you look back and his bahavior isn't the important thing to you right now, maybe even try to apologize to your mom and claim that you may have overreacted in order to salvage the relationship with your mom now? When someone is really good at manipulation, usually the person being manipulated has to see it for themself in order to believe it. If it is an ongoing pattern of behavior, she will eventually see it for herself or start questioning it at least.

I'll give a little more detail, it was something that I cannot just brush off. It was regular sexual abuse for a year straight. The conflict came because she doesn't want to believe her "soulmate" would do something like that  But what I meant when I said I don't care about that right now is I don't want him to interfere with my relationship with my mom anymore, I don't want the topic to come into anything I write to her, just focusing on her and me and the transition I'm going through and how much I miss her. Not going to let it turn into another argument about whether or not I'm making it up, if it was somebody else but I just want to blame him, blah blah blah  If I do write I'll keep it out of the conversation entirely

I plan on starting gender therapy soon, so this would be a good thing to talk about before I do anything impulsively

I really hate to hear that Darkflame. Too many times I have seen the same situation within families firsthand. I also hate to tell you but it may come up from your mom. Just be prepared for it even if it doesn't. If it does maybe just tell her you would rather not think about the past but how much you love and miss her now and need her support. You really don't need to go into very much detail about being transgendered at first in order to "test the waters" and guage her reactions toward you. At first just concentrate on mending the relationship.

I would definately metion it to your therepist though. He/she could go into much more detail face to face on how to mend the relationship.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you can have a relationship with your mom again.

I broke off all relations with my family, one at a time, over a period of about 7 years.

Best decision I ever made.

Yeah, it hurts a bit at first. But who do these people think they are?

You obviously value yourself still. Your mum doesn't hold you in any value other than as a sort of lap dog, to wheel out when she choose.

So, walk away. You owe her no more explanations than you do to a complete stranger.

I did send her a long thought out and heartfelt message on facebook. Mostly as closure to myself, but also for the slim possiblity that we can repair our relationship. I won't hold my breath. And I wanted a chance to say what I wanted to say. As of today me and my dad no longer speak, so I guess I thought, what the hell do I have to lose, I might as well just say my peace, what's the worst that can happen? She doesn't respond or sends back a hurtful message? Deletes or blocks me? I'm already prepared for that.

I won't let her or anyone else hold me down any longer though. I will live my life as who I really am and if people can't accept that then get out of my life