I told my mom the truth last week. She didn't kick me out (yay) but she's in denial big time and keeps trying to come up with explanations as to why I am "just confused."

It's quite funny actually, at one point she suggested that because I was mature for my age, I was not attracted to guys because males my age were immature and maybe I should give older men a shot (I'm 19 and a pre-everything ftm btw). She even went as far as saying that it was her fault for "harming my spirit" because she wished for a baby boy even though she knew she was carrying a baby girl in her womb.

Long story short, she's making me postpone transition for a year and hoping that I will magically want to be a girl again during that period of time. Any thoughts/advice?

I'm assuming you're in a country like the US where, legally, being older than 18 means you're legally an adult.

My advice?  Get the ball rolling on transition, if its what you want to do.  It's your life, and frankly nobody can stop you.  You might owe your mom some time to come to terms with who you are, and there's plenty you can do to attempt to help her come around, but at the end of the day you don't owe her any grace period around transition.

If you think it's right for you, I'd start looking for a therapist and a doctor/endocrinologist, and try to get the balls (lol balls) rolling.  If, again, and of course, you feel like this is what's right for you.

Congratulations on coming out!

You came out to her a week ago?...

thoughts/advice?
Have some compassion and understanding for your mom.

Hi,

Both your responders have a point. I'm not saying that you are not when I agree, that you should be showing your mom compassion. But that doesn't mean that you have to entertain her delusions that your transition is not going to happen. You can continue to be firm and show kindness. Have you thought of printing out information from reliable sources about gender identity dysphoria and its permanence? You might have that ready along with a message about how much you love her and how hard this must be whenever she clearly states a point of denial. You should also gently insist that nothing she did caused you to be transgender and nothing she could have done would have changed it.

If you've not already started, therapy should be at the top of your list. It will show your mom how serious you are about the transition process. It might be important for you to say to your mom that you are going to therapy to help you transition and not to figure out how not to transition. Eventually, if your therapist permits, you should consider inviting her with you to therapy. That professional context might further the impression of legitimacy that she currently seems to lack.

Your mom's reaction doesn't sound unusual or particularly hostile, at least not at this point. Many great things may still lie ahead.

Best wishes to you.

Jane

A member of my group came out to her mom a little over two years ago. She too was in deep denial, it's a phase, you're confused, etc..  As she started moving into full-time things escalated to a little hostility, anger, and playing the "You're killing me. My heart, my heart" card. It wasn't untill she was moving from the next town over to several states over that there was a reconcilliation.

For us older types hearing these things we saw the irony/humor in it all. Easy from a distance. Nevertheless, to an only child the guilt trip was horrible for her. We were all glad that she perservered through it all. I doubt she would have had the strength to if she was still living at home. She was too afraid to do anything about being trans while still living there.

Thanks for all the great advice!

I take it that the general consensus is that I should be gentle but firm with my mom since I just told her recently. I guess I'll ease her into it by cutting my hair and taking her to family therapy sessions and on the side, I'll get my hormone-readiness assessment and such so I'll be able to start whenever.

I'll let you know how it goes =)