Re: binding with home-made alternatives and the like- sports bras aren't helpful, my own back and shoulders are actually hindering me because I can't get a size that will compress things enough without having it cut into the flesh somewhere. Same goes for making one out of biker shorts, and my mother actually broke down and said she'd look into maybe getting a binder because I keep cutting up her unused control top tights and walking around with raw, bloodied shoulders (dammit, linebacker bones!), cutting up a new pair every time she takes one away. She went off and bought some sort of compression tank but I don't know how it'll work, can't try it on until tomorrow because of something that went wrong when the salesperson was ringing everything up. I tried wearing a t-shirt underneath when using the tights- not only didn't it help, but it also completely ruined any compression I was going for because Mr. Murphy likes having a good laugh when I come up with a solution to something.
Dean- I feel you, man. I really do. It's going to take a long time and I went through it for a good while too, but you have to learn not to harbor hatred for being yourself. You cannot change your identity, and you cannot go back and be born a male. The only thing we as transfolk can really do about it is do everything in our power to help the outside match what lies within. Beating yourself up isn't worth it, trust me. It's like beating yourself up for being gay- it's part of who you are, and the best thing you can do for yourself is be accepting, because otherwise how can you expect others to be willing to accept you, no?
Low self-esteem sucks. I'm struggling with it right now because a handicap and my father being...well, being who he is has kept me from being able to play guitar anywhere near as well as I want to, and I feel like everyone and their second cousin thrice removed can play amazingly while I can't even do a solo because my fingers hate me. But I'm not going to sit here and cry- I'm taking the initiative today and going to ask google "how can i get good at guitar" as soon as I finish this post. Then I'll probably go off and cry. But I won't quit. Don't quit on yourself, you can do this. Listen to Jay and Padfoot, they're two guys who know what they're talking about. I just throw the words out there and pray to Cthulhu that they're the right ones, then let out a string of curses that would make jaded sailors blush when I stumble upon the right ones. Thus this thread.
Cheers. You'll get there, I promise.
