As some of you know, I suffer from mental health problems and my depression is the main issue. I'm on medication for it but it doesn't seem to be working. Today was a bad day for me, and I really really scared myself. I've been suicidal in the past, but today was real bad. I was in school and something little upset me and I just lost it. It's like I couldn't get out of my own head. I didn't feel like myself, I could hear these voices and had these thoughts just telling me to kill myself. They just wouldn't go away. I was crying for a good hour or more and was in a right state just screaming that I wanted them to go away. I was in the office with the welfare officer from school and she wasn't sure what to do so she phoned my local mental health team who said that I just have to wait until my next appointment with my therapist which is next Friday. My parents had to be informed and the mental health team said if I feel suicidal again then my parents have to take me to the hospital and I need to be seen by a psychiatrist there. If I get like it again tonight I don't want to worry my parents, but I'm so scared I'm going to be sectioned if I talk to them. At the same time though I'm scared of how far it will go. I guess I'm just scared. The voices scared me, the thoughts scared me, I have never been this bad before, and I'm just scared. This may be the wrong section to post it in, but I guess mental health comes into health as well. If this thread doesn't make sense then I apologise. I just needed to let this out.

Joey

I'm sorry you are feeling so depressed at the moment. I strongly advise you to keep your parents informed. This will help protect you from yourself. You don't want to end up getting so bad and the trying to kill yourself. Be safe.

Thanks for both of your comments. I think if it gets bad tonight then I will just have to talk to my parents, if it means going to the hospital then that's what it's gonna have to take. There's a hotline number I can call, I called them once before, I just get scared on the phone and find it awkward.

Joey

The hotline people are there to help, Joey. There's no reason to feel funny talking to them. Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks for the message Mara Jade. I was thinking about talking about changing the medication as upping the dose hasn't helped. Thanks for sharing your experience, it seems simliar to how I feel so I will discuss this at my next appointment. I hope you're ok.

Joey

Quote from: Mara Jade on February 08, 2013, 09:35:17 PM
Joey,

I wanted to share something with you, in case this could be what's going on with you.

I've been depressed off and on for most of my life. When I was 13, I was prescribed Paxil for depression/anxiety. I was started off on a low dose and it didn't do anything for me except make my depression/anxiety worse. So the doctors upped my dose and when they did that, I started hearing voices, attempted suicide (only time I've ever attempted to kill myself, despite having suicidal thoughts most of my life) lost the sensation of pain/emotions and I did some other really weird things too.

When I explained what was going on with me, my doctor said it sounded like I had a "toxic reaction" to the medication and I was taken off of it immediately and never had any problems like that since. I found out later that what I went through was actual psychosis.

Now I'm not saying that this is what is happening to you but it is quite possible that your medication could be making things worse. You may want to ask your doctors if that could be the case or just to change your medication to see if that changes anything.

I hope you can get everything worked out one way or another, I know how difficult it is to live with mental health problems. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me. 

I had the same thing happen to me when I was on paxil back when I was a teenager.

In a weird way I'm glad, Heather and Mara Jade, that I've heard two other stories corroborating my teenage experience with Paxil.  I had something very similar happen to me while taking it and I think it permanently shifted something out of place.  I have bipolar disorder and Paxil turned me into an irrational, suicidal shell of a person, much worse than no meds at all.

I've had little success with SSRIs so I have no advice, but a med change talk with your doctor sounds like the right way to go.

Joey - please be open with your parents. If you are not, and you get worse, how guilty are they going to feel then.

Also, I suspect that you need to discuss a change of medication with your GP.  You're not alone, Joey, and this can be sorted.

Best, Amanda.

The first thing is that a General Practitioner really doesn't have really good knowledge of the mind. Most will just prescribe the common antidepressants that are seratonin reuptake inhibitors. This works for quite a few but others it doesn't. It doesn't for me. You may also have treat the levels of dopamine and norepinephrine levels in the brain to have any effect on the depression, in which case you probably do need to see a Psychiatrist. Where I live, it's hard to see a Psychiatrist because most won't take new patients. Go figure. Unless you have a Psychotherepist refer you and call the Psychiatrist on your behalf. Make sure you tell your mental professionals though that you are hearing voices. This falls under the line of hallucinations and being delusional and is separate and more severe than major depression.

The good news is that there are people out there that can help you, you just haven't found them yet. Hang in there though, I know your going for a rough ride but it will get better once you get the right diagnosis and medication.

OK. If you are having delusions like you wrote in another post or hallucinations, auditory or visually like in this post, it's called Psychotic Major Depression. Not a diagnosis, just information and you really need to be honest with your therapist and let them know what you are experiencing.

I've been to the hospital once since this post. I told them I heard voices in my head telling me to kill myself but it sounded like my own voice and they didn't say much about it, told me there were helplines when I felt suicidal and then sent me on my way. Now when I feel suicidal, I just sit and either cry or sit feeling nothing until the urges stop. Going to the hospital is pointless. I have a psychiatrist who monitors my medication and we're trying some new stuff, but it isn't helping.

That sounds like a pretty frustrating experience--I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need, and that you're in so much pain. I know that you're seeing a psychiatrist, which can be somewhat helpful, but are you seeing a therapist as well? Studies have shown that the most effective treatment for depression (and probably most mental illnesses) is a combination of medication and therapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy. I had Major Depression as a teenager and having someone to talk to without judgment, just a way to unload all those awful feelings, really helped ease the pain. It may not be as helpful for you, but I think it's worth a try--especially since they'll try to help you figure out ways to cope with those overwhelming suicidal feelings.

Yeah I've been seeing a therapist since about August time, and now I'm having family counselling kinda thing. I also see another therapist who does like art stuff which is quite good. Despite having these therapies in place, I still feel really depressed :/

Quote from: Joey. on April 01, 2013, 06:53:13 PM
I've been to the hospital once since this post. I told them I heard voices in my head telling me to kill myself but it sounded like my own voice and they didn't say much about it, told me there were helplines when I felt suicidal and then sent me on my way. Now when I feel suicidal, I just sit and either cry or sit feeling nothing until the urges stop. Going to the hospital is pointless. I have a psychiatrist who monitors my medication and we're trying some new stuff, but it isn't helping.

All I can say is WOW... Was it the emergency room or was it a mental health unit because that response is kinda' crappy. There are lines you can call, though I never have.

Sometimes it takes a while to find the right combinations of medication. Just hang in there. If you start feeling suicidal, try focusing on the positive things in your life or try to start learning something new or just find something uplifting to take your mind away from those darker thoughts. Besides, don't let the world and society win, stick around just to piss them off or piss on them. One or the other will suffice.

It was the emergency department so I wasn't expecting them to be really sympathetic but they called in someone from the mental health team who said I had over reacted about what had upset me and that if something like that happens again then just think rationally and realise it's a small thing. It only takes a little thing to upset me then I completely go downhill and feel suicidal. It's like a hurricane, the bottom bit sucks me into the dark thoughts then once I'm in that place I start thinking about all the other dark stuff. I've realised nothing is going to make me better, soiI just have to accept my mental health problems and live with them.

Joey -  you don't just have to live with it".  As a mental health professional myself, I understand how devastating your situation is for you, and how hard it can be to get good help.

As has been mentioned, the proper combination of medication and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can really make a difference.

If you are hearing voices, and your Psychiatrist is not taking this seriously, you NEED to get a second psychiatric opinion.  As to your therapy, please try to make sure that your therapist is using a Cognitive Behavioural approach - if not, change.
.
CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions. 

These 'automatic thoughts' are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them.  We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short. 

If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,
the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful.  The object of CBT is to identify these 'automatic thoughts' then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful. 

Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.   

Therapy is not seen as something "done to" the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates.  Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change. 

Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement. 

Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx


Also, there is a book called "Feeling good - the new mood therapy" by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.

I wish you the very best.